


I Can’t Stop Loving You

by Lazy_days_88



Series: I Couldn’t Stop Caring [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Clexa, F/F, Fluff, Mount Weather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 60,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazy_days_88/pseuds/Lazy_days_88
Summary: Do not read this if you didn’t read the first book!Book 2 of The ‘I Couldn’t Stop Caring’ SeriesLexa has been gone for almost three years. War rages as Pike rose to Lexa's command, and Clarke fights back along side Octavia in a rebellion.They shortly come across rumours of a lone rebel.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia/Lincoln, Raven/Luna
Series: I Couldn’t Stop Caring [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592182
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this first chapter is ‘Already Gone’ by Sleeping at Last. Enjoy!

Clarke lay on her side, staring at the wall which was littered with sketches of Lexa. It was almost a full year since the flame went missing, almost a full year since Lexa's grave was invaded.

She could still remember how she found it. Dug up and robbed, nothing left but the headstone and a dip in the ground. Who would do that?

She felt a shift in her bed from behind her, and the tired sigh that followed it. Niylah leant over her, finding her in the same state she was in every time they slept together: staring at the wall and thinking of Lexa.

"Hey" Niylah whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. Clarke looked up at her.

Clarke knew Niylah was a good woman. Even though she was fully aware that Clarke still loved Lexa, she stayed every night for as long as she needed. She would be by her side in war, she would help patch her up after a fight gone wrong, and she would follow her back to her room without a question. But she wasn't her.

She wasn't Lexa.

"Hey" Clarke whispered back. She wasn't entirely sure what time it was, but judging by the light which shone through the windows, it was later into the morning than she had hoped. She pushed herself up to sit at the edge of the bed, running a hand through her hair.

"She would be proud of you, you know." Niylah said softly, moving to sit behind her.

Clarke felt her fingertips carefully tracing the fresh ink on her shoulder blade. The tattoo had been imbedded amongst her skin by no other than Lincoln himself. Clarke was aware of his artistic skills, and asked him to be the one to do it. Often when Clarke felt alone, and Niylah was... unavailable, she would go to Lincoln. The two of them would spend hours discussing their artworks and exchanging techniques. It was a good distraction from her responsibilities, and just a good pass time in general.

But once again, it wasn't Lexa...

"I hope so."

"I know so" Niylah responded quickly "Lexa would be so, so proud of you, Clarke. She would have wanted you to do what was best for both of your people. And for you."

Clarke turned to face the other blonde, a small frown etched between her brows "But Pike is still alive."

"He is yes" Niylah smiled and leant closer to Clarke "but not for long"

Clarke allowed a small smile to play on her lips and she leant back against Niylah.

"I know how hard this is for you, Clarke. I know... I know I'm not her. That's okay. You loved her. And I'm going to help you as much as I can to bring Pike down with you. Lexa... she didn't deserve what happened, and neither did you."

Clarke quickly stood up to dress herself. Everything that Niylah was telling her was already blatantly obvious to her, and all she wanted to do was finish getting dressed and wonder into another day with Lexa pushed as far away to the back of her mind. Even so, she would still be the only thing she could think about.

She swung a shirt over her head and looked over her shoulder to Niylah, who sat with her bare body covered with bed sheets.

"You should go." Clarke said, then realised the rude tone in her own voice. She quickly attempted to follow it up with a reasonable explanation "I have a meeting with Octavia. We have a good plan to-"

"Clarke" Niylah cut her off as she rose from the bed "It's okay"

Clarke nodded, more to herself than to Niylah. She grabbed her rifle which balanced against the wall in the corner of her room, and opened the door.

She left without another word.

Clarke knew it was wrong to do what she was doing, luring Niylah back to her room whenever she felt like it. The fact that the other woman would follow without question made her wonder if it was out of pity. Because every time Clarke was hurting, turning up outside of her door with tear stains on her face from another nightmare, she would just smile and hold out her hand. Even before... even before Lexa was gone, when Clarke needed to distract herself from her own actions at mount weather, Niylah openly welcomed her. To say it was strange was an understatement.

Clarke pushed open the door to their meeting room to find Octavia stood, already adorned in her red warpaint. She looked up from the table and straightened from beside Abby.

"Clarke" she said "where were you? We were ready to leave without you."

Clarke sighed "I know, I know. I slept in. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Clarke" Luna raised her voice. She was leant against the wall beside Raven, supporting the mechanic who's leg appeared to be abnormally sore. It was evident in the way she slumped ever so slightly, avoiding putting any weight on her paralysed leg.

"Anyways..." Abby looked at each individual stood in the room "We need to talk"

"About what?" Clarke frowned as she settled into her chair at the far end of the table. She felt comfortable there, far in the corner where she was the last to be spoken to... most of the time.

"We sent out a hunting group a few days ago. Pike managed to get his hands on them." Abby sat down across from her.

"Are they in Polis?" Clarke asked. If they had been captured, Pike's first instinct would have been to take them to the most protected place he had. Polis. Polis, which had once been Lexa's home; what she had fought for since she rose to command. Now it belonged to her enemy.

"That's the thing. They're not"

Clarke raised an eyebrow and sat back in her chair "what do you mean?"

"They're safe, and back home. Right here in this building"

"But how? I thought you said they were captured?"

"Exactly." Abby leant forward "somebody helped them. I don't know who it was, but someone helped."

"How do you know?"

"They told us. They described them as a lone rebel. Dressed in black with a mask covering their features, so we'll never really know who it was. For all we know, it could be someone on Pike's side finally realising what he really is." Abby said

"Their aid has grown over the few months that we have been aware of them. There have been more cases where our people have been captured and they have just jumped out of nowhere and helped them escape" Luna added "I think we should set them up."

"What are you talking about?"

"Snatch them. We bring them back here, and find out exactly what they're trying to achieve."

"That sounds barbaric." Abby said in disgust.

"It sounds smart" Octavia nodded "we don't know what they want, or if there even on our side"

"They clearly are! Why else would they help us?" Abby exclaimed

Clarke scratched her chin with a deep sigh "we're heading into Polis today, right?"

"Undercover of course" Octavia nodded "why?"

"Because if they're really as alone as they say they are, of course their only pass time would be drinking. Besides, what better way to get information on war than in a bar?"

The women of the room all sat in silence as they lost themselves in their own thoughts. What Clarke was suggesting, going to a bar undercover in the middle of Polis to find a strange rebel who may or may not even be there, was preposterous. Insane.

"Yeah, let's do it."

"I'm in"

"Yep"

"Alright then. Let's go."

There was a sincere amount of comedy shared between them as their words overlapped. Luna even went so far as to crack a smile. The frizzy haired brunette clapped her hands together and pushed away from the wall.

"Well then, let's go get geared up. It's probably best to go tonight than today"

"Agreed." Octavia nodded, following her to the door "Oh and Clarke?"

"Hmm?"

"No distractions please. Not this time."

Clarke looked down to her feet and nodded.

Last time they had all left together in an act of war, Clarke couldn't get Lexa out of her head. She still couldn't. But back then... then it hurt like hell. Soon enough the pain had transformed into a type of numbness which made Clarke wish the pain was still there. At least then, she could feel something.

Almost three years after losing Lexa, it still tore her apart to think about her.

So when Luna was hurt after taking a lucky hit from a sword, Clarke couldn't handle it. The dark blood which spilled from Luna's cut was the blood type she shared with Lexa: nightblood. The last memory she had of seeing it, was with Lexa bleeding out in her arms with a pool of black surrounding them. She could still remember how it felt when it seeped into her clothes.

A single drop of Luna's blood had triggered a waterfall in Clarke's eyes, like some idiot inside her head decided to turn of the tap to her tears and let it run for an hour. She had sobbed into her mothers shoulder for the entirety of that hour.

Truth be told, Clarke still missed Lexa like hell.

______________________

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

That night, in the rover, Clarke spoke up. She had never once opened up about Lexa. Yes, she had accepted kind words from other people when it came to them talking about Lexa. But all she ever did was nod and move on. But now, perched in the backseat, squeezed in beside Luna, she spoke.

"I loved her so much."

It was nearly a whisper, but she gave it enough force to be heard by everyone in the rover. Luna shifted from beside her, angling her body towards the blonde to pay more attention to her.

"We know" Abby, who sat across from them on the other side of the rover, said softly.

"It should have been me" she added. It was true. If Lexa hadn't have blocked the path of the flying bullet, Clarke would have been the one dying. Not Lexa.

"She couldn't go through losing someone like that again" Luna set a hand on Clarke's back to offer a small amount of comfort "She loved Costia, Clarke. But you... she was in love with you"

Raven nodded and continued from where Luna had left off "She cared so much for you Clarke. I've never seen someone so in love. Everything she did, she did it for you. To make up for what she did to you. And to show you that she did love you. You could see it."

Clarke looked down. The dark shadows in the rover managed to hide the tears beginning to swell in her eyes.

"Clarke." Abby shuffled closer from her seat to talk to her daughter "That day, Lexa was not sure if she would make it out of there alive. She told me something that day, and... I didn't know how to tell you."

"Tell me what, mom?"

"Clarke, leaving you at the mountain was her biggest regret. She told me then and there that she would have done anything to go back and change her mind."

She leant back in her seat, back against the cold metal. God, Clarke even wanted to go back. To share her first kiss with Lexa again, inside her tent before the beginning of the war on mount weather. She would make sure to do it right that time, and not turn the girl she loved down like she had. It would have given her so much more time with her.

So much more time to feel her soft lips against her own, and to trace the ink that was spread across her back and across her arm.

It would have given her so much more time to wake up to Lexa's warm smile, and bright, beautiful, bashful green eyes.

Clarke would give anything for one more day with her.

"I wish I could bring her back. It's been almost three years, and I still can't stop thinking about her." Clarke rested a hand to her forehead.

It was Octavia's turn now to reach over in a comforting manor, and rest her hand upon Clarke's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter how long it's been, Clarke. You loved her. And you always will."

"I wish she was here..."

Octavia let out a small chuckle "She probably is. Sat there, watching over you, making sure you're not getting yourself killed." Octavia glanced up at Luna who exchanged a smile back "That stubborn bitch wouldn't give up on you even if she tried"

Clarke smacked her arm, glaring "she was not a bitch!"

Octavia quickly moved back, thinking she had hit a nerve and triggered the anger inside Clarke. But when she caught sight of the small smile playing on the blonde's lips, she relaxed again.

"But she was a little overprotective"

"A little?" Luna chuckled "Clarke, you don't even know half of it"

The tense air finally thinned out inside the stuffed and cramped space of the rover. Clarke finally felt like a little piece of herself had been relieved after talking with the people closest to her. Now she felt more comfortable to talk about Lexa without her heart breaking in two, and she was eager to find out more about the commander as they spoke.

"Tell me more, Luna" she grinned.

It was in that moment, as Luna launched into old tales of a young Lexa in training, that Clarke made a silent promise. To both herself and Lexa, that she would do better. She would do better for their people, and for their friends who were always there for them.

Yes. She promised to do better.


	2. Chapter 2

After hiding the rover amongst trees and bushes, the women had lead themselves towards the towering gates of Polis. She could still remember the first time she turned up at the gates, angry and broken, and was taken to Lexa by Jayden and Gustus. Then, couldn't tear her eyes away from the commander's tower, where a flame flew bright and powerful at the very top of the building. Her heart sank at the sight of Lexa's home now. The tower was extinguished, and the light that once lit up the city of Polis with its flames, was reduced to darkness.

Lexa's absence could be felt so much more with each step they took.

Luna moved around the walls until she found a small trapdoor. She leant down and locked her hands around the handle tightly. With a violent tug, the metal only twitched below her. She gritted her teeth, and with Raven's aid, she lifted the door open. Loud creaks caused Clarke to look around in the fear of being caught.

"Easy" she gasped, straightening her back and correcting her posture.

"Sure" Raven rolled her eyes and stared down into the hole in the ground. Clarke peered over her shoulder.

"Remind me why this is the best way in again?" She asked Luna, watching the moisture of the walls drip down into the mud which lined the floors of the passage way.

"If you want to walk through the front gates, be my guest. I'm sure Pike would love to welcome you into his home." Luna lowered herself onto the first rung of the rusted ladder.

"This is not his home." Clarke snapped, crossing her arms "it doesn't belong to him"

"Yeah, I know" Luna called as she disappeared into the shadows of the tunnel "It's Lexa's. I'd say it's mine too but, I didn't particularly enjoy my stay here as a child."

"Clearly" She rolled her eyes and followed Luna into the dark pit. She glanced at the small but intricate drawings of animals and flowers. There were large scratch marks littered between the artworks. Clearly the passage had been used often. "how did you know about this place anyway?"

Luna shrugged as she held out her hand to help Raven down the ladder. In the end, after seeing the mechanic struggle to get down with her leg brace, she pulled her down into her arms and straightened her up on the ground, earning a small 'thanks'

"Costia found it when we were younger. Costia, Lexa and I would sneak out when Anya fell asleep, or when her back was turned. Once Lexa had the preposterous idea to spike her drink with some sleeping berries that Costia had found. Anya... Anya was not happy with the poor girl."

"How did Costia know they were sleeping berries?" Clarke raised an eyebrow, interested in the story that Luna was sharing openly.

"Ah. Well, she didn't. She ate them one day thinking they were just normal edible berries" Luna chuckled "Lexa almost had a fit when she fell asleep. She thought she had died or something."

Clarke laughed as they made their way through the sodden and damn tunnel "What did Anya do when she found out that Lexa had drugged her?"

"Well, Lexa being Lexa, she owned up to her actions straight away. Not that it made any difference though. Anya cared for her the most, she she punished her the most. She believed that if she could put Lexa on the right track, she'd be the greatest commander to have lived. She was right." Luna shrugged her shoulders and continued walking "She locked Lexa up in a bunker near ton DC for a week with no light at all. She ate in the dark, slept in the dark, drank in the dark and waited in the dark. When she came back out, she was terrified of it."

Clarke nodded "that explains all of the candles then"

"It does. Costia sat and made candles for her for that exact reason. Some smelled beautiful after she included scents of wildflowers in the wax."

Clarke frowned as she climbed up the ladder, finding herself on the other side of the walls inside Polis. They were hidden behind the building of a blacksmiths, providing enough cover for them in the night. She reached down along side Luna and pulled Raven out of the tunnel. After Abby and Jasper climbed out, they turned to find the nearest pub.

Of course, they had all debated whether or not to bring Jasper. He hated grounders more than anything, and wasn't particularly... stable. But Abby had insisted, claiming he could no longer be left alone. To a certain extent, Clarke could agree with her.

Each one of them tugged up their hoods as they wandered through the dimly lit streets of Polis. Clarke even went so far as to tuck her hair into her jacket as she walked, avoiding eye contact with any passers by.

"Over there." Came Jaspers voice from behind them "Yes! Alcohol!"

"Jasper, we've told you. We're here to listen to gossip amongst Pike's people. Not to drink ourselves into oblivion." Abby shook her head

"I'm sure Clarke would be down for that too, wouldn't you say Clarke?"

Clarke looked over her shoulder to glare at Jasper "No. I wouldn't say. I'm here for the benefit of our people. Not myself."

Jasper scoffed and rolled his eyes, speeding up his pace "Jesus you sound just like her."

Clarke gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. If they hadn't have just walked into a crowded bar full of warriors, she might have knocked him on his ass for even thinking of such a thing. But she refrained.

They found a small table in the corner of the bar which allowed them to see across the entire bar, giving them an advantage. The first thing she noticed, other than the dried out drops of beer on the table top, was the separation between grounders and Farm station.

Clearly the two groups still had issues to settle between them, and the hate directed towards each other still had not been cured. Clarke could only guess that they tolerated each other because they had to. Because they shared the same leader: Pike.

"Well I'm going to go get us all a drink, huh?" Jasper said, and rolled his eyes once again at the dark looks that were thrown his way by the group "Relax. One drink isn't gonna come back and bite you in the ass... unless you're a light weight. Are any of you guys lightweights?"

Slowly, one after the other, the women sat before Jasper slowly shook their heads.

"Alright, good. Then a drink it is."

With that, Jasper scrambled off into a crowd of people around the bar. Every now and then, amongst swords and tall, well built men, she would spot Jasper. Small, Lanky, and drunkenly bold with his freshly shaven hair. Clarke shook her head and sunk back deeper into her seat. Bringing him was a terrible idea.

"I suppose some of us are going to have to move around here, see what we can find out." Clarke moved stand up but felt a hand wrapping around her wrist, pulling her back down into her seat.

"Wait." Luna said quietly.

Clarke moved closer to Luna, following her line of sight to her target. A masked figure moved inside, closing the door behind them swiftly. Everything about them, their steps, the slight swing of the arm as they walked, the way they held on tightly to their sword, radiated power. Their black cloak reached long down passed their knees, skimming the top of their tightly fastened boots, and was held together by glinting silver buckles. They looked calm and collected... in the deadliest way possible.

He... or she... made their way straight to the bar, avoiding contact with anyone else as they dipped between different people. She saw them settle onto a stool at the very front of the bar and cross their arms atop of the counter. Right beside them stood Jasper, swiping several cups into his arms and balancing them as he turned to make his way back.

"Hey, guys. So, I got you all a drink. You're welcome by the way. Do you know how many people were at that bar? Jeez. I thought that one in the mask was going to rip my throat out as soon as he sat down."

"Jasper be quiet" Clarke said in a hushed voice. She glared when he stood in the way "Sit down. Now."

Jasper mumbled something under his breath and squeezed into a seat beside Abby, sliding a drink across the table at each one of them. As Clarke's vision was now unblocked, her eyes flicked straight to the bar.

The stool was empty.

"Shit." She groaned "We lost him. Nice one, Jasper."

"I don't even know what you're talking about!" Jasper exclaimed.

Octavia grabbed Jaspers shoulder.

"Jasper, from now on, we're going to need to you be quiet and sit right where you are. Alright? Please?"

Jasper immediately gave in to Octavia. Although he loved Maya, he still had a sweet spot for Octavia Blake. So he sat back in his seat, grasped his drink tightly in both hands close to his chest, and nodded. Octavia smiled and thanked him.

"So, did anyone see where the hell our little friend went?" Raven looked around the bar, which had appeared to have emptied out ever so slightly since they had arrived.

"No. He just disappeared." Luna said

"Are you sure it's a man? I mean, obviously the clothing they wore didn't actually suggest either gender..."

"We'll shortly find out when we confront them." Luna said and stood up, taking a large sip of her drink "I'm going to walk around. See if I can hear anything."

"I'll come with you." Clarke pushed her empty cup to the centre of the table and followed Luna. The group split off from each other, with Octavia and Raven going one way, Luna and Clarke going the other, and Abby and Jasper staying at the table.

It was probably the smartest plan to split up anyways. Clarke had noticed the sudden amount of people who began to filter out of the bar, one by one, emptying the place. A large group such as themselves together would have no doubt drawn attention.

Still, even with Luna by her side, Clarke felt uneasy. She could feel eyes burning holes into the back of her head, staring at her. Watching. She felt that with every person she passed. They both realised that they would never hear anything from them when they're the ones paying attention to them, not the other way around.

Luna and Clarke glanced at each other.

"We should probably go" Luna murmurs into Clarke's ear quietly.

"Good idea" Clarke turned and opened her mouth to call over Octavia and Raven. But then, she realised, that the two women were missing.

"Where's Octavia and Raven?" Luna frowned.

In that moment, Octavia came crashing over the large table near the back of the pub. She tumbled to the ground and landed on her back, face up, eyes wide. The groan that escaped her lips reflected her pain.

"Shit! Octavia!" Clarke rushed forwards to help her up, and was instantly torn away.

Now she understood. People had slowly filtered out because they knew conflict was brewing. And Clarke was completely unaware that she was a part of it. Several men now stood with swords drawn, the one that had tossed Octavia so easily across the room stood with a dagger in her hand.

He was at least three times her size, with white scars littering his face suggesting he was Ice Nation. Of course.

There was nothing for them to do but give up. Sure, they were all decent fighters, and Luna was... flawless in her fighting techniques. After all, she trained with Lexa. But when they looked up, finding Raven stood on her tiptoes with a blade pressed tightly to her neck, they felt helpless.

And Luna was the first to raise her hands in surrender.

Then Abby joined her by standing and raising her hands, nudging Jasper to do the same. Clarke side glanced Luna. Was she really just... giving up like that?

"Smart choice" gruffed the tallest man as he approached "it makes things a lot less messier than it has to be."

He stopped right in front of Luna, staring her up and down. The level of intimidation Nicholas radiated from him was almost horrifying. And to say Luna didn't like it was an understatement.

The brown haired women slowly lowered her hands and clenched them into fists tightly on either side of her. His eyes followed her movements closely.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to kill you first anyway" he chuckled and turned his back on her.

Honestly, Clarke was almost ashamed of him for thinking it was a good idea. Almost. Luna lurched forward and kicked the back of his legs causing him to slump forward onto his hands and knees. She lept over him with great speed, rushing straight towards Raven who was still held with a blade to her throat.

Octavia had also managed to jump into the action, pushing herself from the ground and drawing her sword on the nearest attacker. Jasper ducked under the table.

At that moment, the bar had transformed into a place of war. Swords swept through the air, gripped by white knuckled hands. Boots scuffled against hollow floorboards as they dodged deadly swipes. Clarke drew her dagger, panic in her eyes as she examined the fight.

Luna was wrestling against another sword, her own blade crossing with the other as she forced it back away from her face. She was slowly pushed into the wall from the strength of her opposer. Octavia struck down one, but shortly received a blow from another behind her which knocked her into a daze. Raven was pressed face first into the bar counter firmly, completely defenceless as her gun scattered to the other side of the room. Jasper... Jasper almost ran happily into their enemy's open arms.

Clarke felt a hand grasp angrily at her neck, shoving her forcefully back onto a table. Staring up at the red-faced, bearded man, she growled. Her legs kicked in attempt to push him away, and she clawed at his hands in hope to tear them away. She felt the ache in her lungs as she struggles to breath.

"Clarke!" Abby's muffled yell came through, but never once registered. The last time Clarke was almost strangled to death, she was saved. Saved by Lexa. Now, however, in the trashed city of Polis surrounded by her enemies, she was completely alone.

Or so she thought.

Across the room, Clarke caught a glimpse of a shadow. A figure. It moved with grace as it closed the distance between them. The masked mystery pushed off of the ground, conjuring three blades as they slid across the counter top. A flash of glinting metal, and the Azgeda clansman collapsed above of Clarke, crushing her with his dead weight. Over his shoulder, she could see the three knives buried into his back. She rolled the bolder of a man from on top of her and slumped against the table, watching in awe.

More knives were thrown with such accuracy that it was almost impossible to replicate. A body dropped behind Raven, freeing her. Nobody said a word. Only the ice nation, who growled under their breath as they dropped Luna, Octavia and Abby to approach the angered dark figure.

Clarke's imagination ran free beyond belief in attempt to figure out this person. Who were they? Why were they helping them?

They unsheathed their sword and readied themselves for the three men. They all jumped at the same time. What happened next was a moment of unstoppable beauty. The defender spun, dodging each and every swipe, and kicked a blade from a loose gripping hand. The slash that quickly followed was fatal, spilling open his side. Now, with each hand grasping and individual sword, they proceeded. A smooth duck below flying swords, and they lunged. The two men were gruesomely impaled upon swords. It was a bloody mess.

The so called "rebel" allowed them the opportunity to fall back and bled. And so they did. As they turned back around to observe the women in the room, Clarke felt a sudden familiarity with them. The long, slender fingers that grasped the swords. The straight, non-existent curve of their back. Their perfect posture. But that familiarity was cut loose as Jasper flung himself forward.

He charged straight towards the looming character, a small and slightly pathetic battle cry in his wake. He managed to hit a lob sided punch in their face before he was quickly thrown onto his back with the bloodied point of a sword pointed to his throat. The character, which Clarke had then decided was a woman, quickly re-adjusted the mask on her face which had been knocked out of place from Jasper's weak punch and growled at the boy on the ground.

"Wait!" Clarke surged ahead, feet carrying her before she could even think "Please don't hurt him. Just... just let him get up and everything will be fine"

Eyes peered at her from between the gaps in the mask, and she could feel them burning into her. They stared longer than probably possible, sinking under Clarke's skin making it tingle. The gaze was redirected with a grunt and a nod. Clarke couldn't quite figure her out. (Or him. She still wasn't quite sure.) Everything about their actions told her that all they wanted to do was help. Which is what killed Clarke the most as Luna crept up behind them.

Guilt struck Clarke's heart painfully as she watched Luna knock them down unconscious.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can I be the one to take the mask off?"

"No"

"Can I poke their face when it's off?"

"No"

"Can I at least poke the mas-"

"Raven!"

Clarke crossed her arms and glared at the young mechanic. Ever since they had arrived back home, Raven was showing an obsession over the mysterious masked fighter. She has watched with urgent eyes as Luna chained them up, arms out on either side of them, held captive so similarly to Lincoln. Octavia stood with a disapproving look.

Now, all they were waiting for was for them to wake up. To ask them a few questions about their true intentions. Out of respect, no one had dared to remove the mask until they were awake and acquiescent. Yet.

Luna wrapped her arms around Raven from behind her, resting her chin on her shoulder. Raven instantly relaxed, leaning back into the comfort of Luna's arms.

"Raven, patience is a generosity we would kindly accept now" Luna said softly

"But-"

"Raven" Luna lifted an eyebrow

"Okay, fine" Raven relented "I'll just sit patiently, read a book or something"

Luna nodded a thank you and let Raven go, allowing her to cross the room and settle into a chair.

"Abby wants your help in medical." Octavia raised her voice "It's pretty serious"

"What about them?" Clarke signalled over her shoulder at the unconscious rebel. Octavia rolled her eyes

"Raven and I can keep an eye on them. I'm sure Luna will too. Just go."

Clarke eyed then all one last time before swinging open the door and rushing down to medical to help her mother.

________________________

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Raven popped another berry in her mouth and shrunk further into Luna's lap, resting her head against her shoulder. She spun her pen in her hand, eyes skipping over Becca Pramheda's journal. She flicked through the worn and torn, yellowing pages, hoping that she could at least find something that can explain what happened that night in the lab.

She buried herself in a mix of English and Latin words, foot tapping against Luna's knee as the cogs in her brain worked hard. She had to be missing something. She had to be. If Becca was as great with her mechanical and biological work as she thought, there most definitely should not have been a failure in the lab, no matter how old the equipment was.

Raven caught glimpse of an idea and she turned the pages back to the beginning. She tilted the book on its side, staring at the more recent looking ink. It was less faded than the other ink that was in the front of the book. By the looks of it, it should have been added into the back of the book instead.

At first, she thought it was a sketch, or perhaps a strange looking scribble to get the pen working again. But then it struck her with a hard blow. She froze, pen stilling in her hand and a berry rolling freely from her mouth and onto the floor. Luna frowned at her.

"What is it?" She asked quietly, peeking over her shoulder. Raven turned in her lap and pushed the book into Luna's face urgently.

"Can you read it? Right there? Can you?" She exclaimed, rushing herself with excitement.

"No, Raven. Not when it's that close."

"Ah. Sorry." Raven moved the journal back and handed it to her, not even trying to ignore the small smirk on Luna's lips.

"Which part would you like me to read?"

"That bit. That. There. That's trigedaslang, right? Please tell me I'm right."

Luna lifted an eyebrow and gazed down at the page "You're always right, Raven."

Raven let out a relieved sigh and shuffled closer to the other woman "Well then? What does it say?"

"It describes her labs. Listen. 'With the growing dangers of the ground beginning to catch up to me, I took it upon myself to build more laboratories through out several clan areas. Trikru and I have crafted two more makeshift labs already in the wake of the original one. However, several experiments have lead me to the conclusion that this was the wrong decision.'"

Luna paused to look up at Raven, who urged her on.

"'Data and information is shared across each and every laboratory of my own, working in a more secure environment if an experiment wouldgo wrong."

"So, what. She made more than one lab because grounders scared her? And then when she realised that, say, an experiment would end up in a different lab, she was okay with it because it would be safer if something went wrong?"

"I believe so..."

"Holy shit, Luna. That means-"

A groan echoed through the room, and Octavia's head shot up at the sound. The person held captive tugged tiredly at the chains holding them standing. With Raven now standing, Luna made her way over to them, removing their weapons. She unsheathed their sword and dropped it on the floor, kicking it to the other side of the room. Afterwards, to be safe, she unbuckled the cloak to search their pockets. When her hands emerged, they were filled with daggers and throwing knives.

There was another warning grunt as eyes watched her buckle the cloak back up. Their hands tightened around the metal chains, knuckles turning white. Octavia quickly tried to warn her.

"Luna, watch out!"

Luna was completely lost to their immense speed, and they lifted themselves off of the ground with the chains, legs wrapping around and pulling her into a chokehold between their knees. Luna's hands locked around powerful thighs.

"Holy shit!" Raven jumped forward and ran as fast as she could with her paralysed leg to Luna "Let her go!"

They were relentless with their tight grip around Luna's neck, not once allowing their grip to falter. Raven fumbled for a knife from her pocket and held it out threateningly at them.

"Drop her! Drop her damn it or so help me I'll shred you to pieces with this thing!" She yelled and brought the knife their neck for good measure.

There was a moment of no change and Raven was sure that they took her threats as empty ones. She gritted her teeth and slashed a small cut in their stomach.

They groaned, louder than Raven thought was necessary, and let Luna go. Their feet hit the ground again, and their head ducked down in pain. Luna dropped to her hands and knees, spluttering for much needed air. Her face was red from the lack of oxygen and anger.

Standing, she growled and punched at the freshly inflicted wound once, twice, three times. She kept throwing punches, her fist causing a small crack in the mask to spur out, revealing a glimpse of the olive skin behind it. In the end, she resulted to one last powerful kick to their middle in response to their attack. They swung back and forth ever so slightly in the chains, legs following the movement loosely.

"Hey, hey that's enough." Octavia wedged herself between them "this has happened before, remember? With Lincoln?"

"Yeah, but Lincoln was different." Raven grumbled

"We tortured Lincoln, Raven. Don't result to the same thing."

"But they-"

"Just leave them alone! Alright?"

Luna's eyes narrowed as she looked down at her hand. She had expected red blood to be sticking to her hands. But there was no bright color. The blood that decorated her fists was black.

"They attacked Luna!"

"And we attacked them after they helped us! Forgive them for being a bit pissed off at us!"

"Hey" Luna interrupted the bickering, causing the two women to look at her expectedly

"What?"

"They're a nightblood"

They all turned to stare at the prisoner, eyes wide. In response, all they did was stare back.

"I'll go get Clarke"

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"Jesus Christ, Luna!" Clarke exclaimed as she walked in.

Instantly, as though on command, the beaten mystery stood straighter, tipping up their chin to correct their posture at the sight of the blonde. Clarke quickly approached to assess their wounds and Luna tended at how close she was.

"Be careful, Clarke." She warned her.

But when Clarke looked up, a dark shade of green eyes stared through the gaps of the dark mask. The softness in them told Clarke that she was nowhere near danger so she moved closer to assess the damage. Her eyes followed the the droplet of black blood rolling down their neck, most likely from a bleeding nose or lip.

"I'm going to open up your coat to see if you're hurt bad, okay?" Clarke said.

The nodded only partially.

Clarke unbuckled their cloak for the second time since they had rose from unconsciousness. The blood which seeped through their thick shirt was minimum, but as Clarke lifted the fabric, she realised that there were plenty more faded bruises on their skin. In the centre of their stomach was a scar, well-healed but perfectly visible.

"What did they do to you?" Clarke said with the gentlest tone she could find.

She reached out and traced the healed damage on their body- stomach muscles leapt below her finger tips. She stepped away allowing the shirt to drop, understanding that she most likely made them uncomfortable. At least now she knew, judging from their figure, that it was indeed a woman.

"We're going to need ask you some questions." Clarke cleared her throat.

"It would be helpful if you answered them truthfully." Luna added, earning a nudge from Octavia. She scoffed and kept her mouth shut.

Octavia was the first to ask a question,uncrossing her arms to make herself less intimidating. Not that it mattered, but Clarke could only guess that she felt sorry for the woman chained up before them.

"Where are you from?" Octavia asked.

She received a blank stare for an answer.

"Hey" Raven snapped her fingers in the face of the poor girl "Answer her would you?"

Silence.

"Do you even speak English?"

Luna rolled her eyes as they were once again greeted with silence "Chit ste bilaik kru kom ogin?" (What is your clan of origin?)

When there was no response, Clarke decided against asking that question. Instead, she hushed her friends and took a different approach.

"Listen, we know you're helping our side of this war. You're everywhere. Where are you getting the information from? Who's helping you?"

There was a light tug on the chains. Their arms were strained from holding themselves up for so long, and Clarke could only imagine the ache in their muscle. Guilt ripped at her heart, begging her to give in. She sighed. Clarke moved to the side of the room and began fumbling at the chains.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Luna grasped her sword tightly.

"This isn't right." She replied.

The chain loosened, flying through the loops that held it tight. The masked woman dropped to her knees, groaning. Octavia rushed to free her other hand whilst Luna stepped back, holding Raven behind her.

"Now that you're free, we're going to ask you something else. Something a little more simple, yeah?" Clarke crouched down in front of them "Are you on our side?"

The nod was simple. Slow. Meaningful. And Clarke sat in front of them with her legs crossed.

"Who are you?" She asked, and when there was no answer, Clarke gave up attempting to be nice "Should I take off the mask myself or are you going to tell me?"

The girl in front of her lifted a finger, warning her not to remove her mask. The other woman's chest rose and fell with her rapid breaths, and a bead of sweat fell from below the mask. Clarke waited patiently for an answer this time, not giving the woman another chance.

"She's not going to talk, Clarke" Luna said and nudged the beaten women with her foot "maybe we should leave her to think, and come back when she feels like talking"

"Alright. I suppose you're right." Clarke sighed.

She couldn't help but feel the horrible sinking feeling in her stomach from her disappointment. She thought she was getting somewhere with this woman, but her hopes were crashed and burned with her silence. She rose to her feet, and a hand locked around her wrist. Looking down, it was clear to Clarke that the woman had no intention of hurting her. The softness in their green eyes held no malevolence, and the grip on her hand was gentle.

"You don't want me to go?" Clarke raised an eyebrow. She shook her head, a stray brown hair falling out untucked from her braids and resting against the side of her mask.

She pushed herself to her feet, and Clarke held out her hand to catch her incase she fell. But she didn't. In fact, she stood straighter in front of her, looking down at her with the slight height difference. She reached up, fingers sliding around the edge of the mask. Ever so slowly, she lifted it from her face at a painstakingly slow pace.

The first thing she saw was the sharp edge of her jaw, which would be enough to challenge even the best of swords. Then her lips. Plump and beautiful with only a fresh cut as an imperfect flaw. A little farther revealed high reaching cheek bones.

And her eyes. The perfect shade of green which Clarke could remember perfectly, telling a story of their own. The mask dropped to the floor at their feet, and the room was clouded with shock. Clarke's eyes drifted wider as she stared at the girl before her.

The girl, who had been missing from her life for almost three years.

The woman, who she couldn't remove from her mind no matter how hard she had tried.

The commander, who still held her heart to that day.

"Lexa" her voice came out in a bundle of cracks. She cupped Lexa's face in her hand, fingertips brushing over the soft skin which she was so familiar with "Are you... is this real?"

With a confirming nod from Lexa, Clarke jumped to wrap her arms around Lexa, pulling her into a tight hug. As Clarke buried her face into the crook of Lexa's neck, taking in the telltale scent of the forest, she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt like she was home once more.

All the time she had spent mourning Lexa, crying over her death, and she was stood right in front of her, enveloped in her own arms. It was a welcome change to be crying of happiness instead of sadness.

"Clarke?"

The way Lexa spoke her name was unique. So unique in fact, that it drew a joyful sob from the blonde's mouth when it reached her ears.

"Y-yeah?"

Clarke pulled away from their hug and cupped Lexa's face with both hands, taking in the face which had been absent for so long...

"I love you too" Lexa whispered


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke reached up and pulled Lexa down into a light kiss, relishing in the soft feeling of her lips. The way Lexa wiped away her tears with her thumb, and ran a hand up and down her back comfortingly almost had her melting at her love's fingertips.

"You couldn't have came back a little sooner?" Clarke said. Lexa's lips curved into one of the rarest smiles known to exist. And Clarke was lucky enough to see it.

"I didn't know how to." Lexa whispered "I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare apologise" Clarke scolded, instantly leaning into her to feel her strong arms tighten around her again. She wrapped her arms around her neck, threading her hands through the brown silk of her hair.

The reunion that Lexa had shared with everyone was still fresh in their minds. Luna, with a half-hearted slap to Lexa's cheek for allowing her to beat her bloody for so long. Raven, who stared with mouth agape and a small "hi" escaping from her lips. But one person that completely surprised Clarke was her own mother.

The way Abby had instantly surged forward, pulling Lexa into a motherly hug after standing with her hand clapped over her mouth in surprise. It had been a strange interaction between the two women, and it would have been the last thing Clarke had expected. Especially from Lexa. Yet, she seemed comfortable with hugging Clarke's mother. Clarke's heart fluttered as Abby pulled away and smiled, taking Lexa's face in her hands with a "welcome back, sweetheart" which had left Clarke almost fainting.

Indra had been the one who cried first. In all honestly, Clarke almost laughed at the sight. She had grasped Lexa's forearm in a grounder shake tightly, her body rigid and tightly wound. A stray tear fell down her cheek and ran down her clenched jaw as she welcomed back her commander, holding back her happy tears.

Yes. It seemed almost everyone was overjoyed by Lexa's return.

Clarke couldn't tear herself away from her. Couldn't stop the flow of kisses and hugs which almost swallowed Lexa up. It felt like a missing piece had been returned, filling the chasm inside her that felt so empty. And it was impossible to deny: It felt so good to feel whole again.

Lexa was perched on the edge of a bed whilst Abby rushed around her, checking her heart rate, her breathing, her blood. Which was strange since Lexa was a night blood. When everything turned out to be normal, at least for Lexa, Abby resulted to cleaning up the cuts and grazes Lexa had accumulated over the time. Most of which were from Luna.

Just as Abby finished wrapping up Lexa's split and bloody knuckles with a bandage, a blonde woman which Clarke had known too well for too long, entered. As soon as she had opened the door, she froze in the doorway, door swinging and colliding with her heavily placed foot.

"Commander?" Niylah whispered, eyes wide in shock as she finally allowed the door to shut behind her. She glanced to Clarke, then back to Lexa who nodded in greeting "you're alive."

"Stating the obvious again, Niylah?" Abby chuckled, slinging her stethoscope around her shoulders and turning to smile at her.

The room grew thick, and Clarke shuffled awkwardly between foot to foot. If Lexa had really heard her when she spoke to the flame, she would know about the numerous times Clarke and Niylah had slept together. But by the suspicious look in Lexa's eyes as she watched Clarke's nervous shuffle, and Niylah fumbling at the bottom of her shirt, Clarke could guess it wouldn't take her long to figure it out even if she didn't know.

"I was going to come help you with your patients but... it seems like there aren't as many today" Niylah stepped back towards the door "Find me if you need my assistance Dr. Griffin"

"Thank you, Niylah." Abby said softly.

Lexa looked to Clarke with a brow raised. Clarke only answered with a small "later" whispered near her ear. Luckily, Lexa only nodded and looked back to Abby.

"Well, you seem to be alright, commander. You're a bit battered, so I suggest you take it easy until you've healed fully, but other than that, there's not a thing wrong with you" Abby looked impressed. So impressed in fact, that when she removed Lexa's blood pressure cuff, she almost chirped at the results "Now I suggest you go get something to eat, get some rest. I'm sure Clarke wouldn't object to you staying in her room until we can find you another. That is, if you want another of course."

Lexa just blinked at Abby. Her straightforward comments and free flowing words took both her and Clarke by surprise.

"I'll be sure to keep your offer present in my thoughts, Abby." Lexa said, sliding off of the edge of the bed and straightening herself up "May I ask something?"

"Of course"

"Jayden had a brother and a sister who had stayed in Polis. Caleb and Aria Isaac. Are they well?" Lexa asked. Abby and Clarke exchanged a look.

"When Pike took control, not everyone in Polis had a chance to escape. We got Caleb out in time but Aria... she's still in Polis."

"Alone?"

"We think. There was no way for us to get to her."

"Where is Caleb?"

Abby looked down at her watch, adjusting the light to get a better look at it "He should be eating right about now. But he might be with Lincoln."

"Why would he be with Lincoln?"

"You remember the dagger you gave him, right?" Clarke asked. Lexa nodded "well, when you... when you died, and Jayden did too, he was torn. And he was separated from his sister. He would practice on his own, teaching himself to fight. My mom had to patch him up several times after he cut himself on the dagger. So, instead of letting him do it alone, we arranged for Lincoln to train him instead. Now, Lincoln looks after him more than he needs to"

"Lincoln has always had a kind heart" Lexa scratched along her jaw in thought.

"Since you need to get something to eat anyway, maybe we could look out for Caleb when we're there?" Clarke suggested. Lexa simply moved towards the door with a nod.

Clarke had missed that. The silent but clear actions that Lexa conducted. Everything she did always spoke more for her than her actual words. Yet, there was something beautiful about Lexa when she opened up and talked about things with Clarke.

Hopefully, Lexa would do it again. After all, there were so many things that Clarke was still in the dark about. And she was desperate to find out what they were. She stole glances at Lexa every so often as they walked. She couldn't believe it. She was really back.

Clarke was tore from her thoughts when Lexa stopped mid-step to turn to her. Clarke slowed to a stop and looked at Lexa, a frown worming it's way between her brows and turning down her lips with worry.

"Lexa? What is it?" She asked softly.

Lexa sighed, uncrossing her arms from behind her "I heard you"

"You heard me?"

"When I was in the flame. I listened to you every day, Clarke. I heard everything you spoke to me about."

Clarke's heart wasn't sure what to do. It could flutter in joy, but there were so many things Clarke wished she hadn't said, it could sink, but there were so many things Clarke had to say.

"I heard you talking about Niylah, Clarke."

"Lexa... I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"It's okay Clarke. It's what I wanted you to do"

"What?" Clarke stood, confused.

"I wanted you to move on after I died. I knew... I knew it would be difficult for you, yet I didn't expect you to miss me so much." Lexa looked down "I'm sorry Clarke."

"I told you. Don't you ever apologise, Lexa. You took that bullet for me. You died for me. That's something I'll never be able to repay you for."

"You already have" Lexa whispered

Clarke smiled and placed a light kiss on Lexa's cheek, rubbing a hand up and down her arm where she knows the ink is. Lexa seemed to visibly relax at the touch, which had Clarke's chest swelling with pride at her capabilities.

"You wouldn't mind if I rested now, Clarke, would you?" Lexa asked, leaning in against Clarke's hand.

Lexa looked exhausted, and the head injury inflicted by Luna when she knocked her out probably was not helping. Lexa's eyes, although bright and beautiful as ever, carried dark bags below them. Clarke wondered when she had last slept, or if she even had a bed to sleep in.

Clarke silently took Lexa's hand, leading her back to her room. As she reached for the door handle, she quickly stopped, remembering the contents of her room.

"Wait here... I just... need to move some stuff" Clarke scratched her neck and swung the door open, sliding in and closing it behind her, leaving Lexa standing and waiting.

She rushed around the room, plucking her drawings from the walls and piling them face down in the corner of her room. Looking at them, she could see where she was inaccurate in her art as her memory faded. The shape of Lexa's jaw wasn't quite right, her cheekbones were too low placed, and her hair drawn only slightly too short. Now though, it was like her memory was refreshed and new as Lexa returned. After ridding her room of the many sketches of Lexa, she opened the door again to find Lexa sat on the floor, head rested back against the wall as she waited patiently.

"Hey" Clarke whispered softly. She held out her hand to Lexa, offering it for the brunette to take "C'mon. Let's get you some sleep"

The way Lexa allowed her to pull her into her room without putting up a single fight, reminded her of just how soft and gentle Lexa really was. She was truly a different person when they were alone. She was Lexa when they were alone. Clarke didn't want it any other way.

"Those clothes must be dirty. I can see if I can get some clothes from Luna or Niylah soon, but you can borrow some of mine for now if you'd like" Clarke said. She paused when she saw Lexa sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at the ground "Lexa?"

Lexa lifted her head at her name.

"Are you okay?" Clarke moved to sit next to Lexa, hand reaching out to rub Lexa's back softly. When Lexa nodded once again, she came to the conclusion that the woman was just tired "well... let's at least get you out of those close so you can sleep"

Lexa raised an eyebrow "are you okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay with it?" Clarke frowned.

"I don't know... with Niylah and-" Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa's words

"Lexa. She was never you. Every time I was with her, all I could think about was you." Clarke said

The faintest of smiles appeared on Lexa's lips, and Clarke leant in for a kiss. Two kisses soon turned into three. 

It seemed they proved her point pretty well.

And soon, Lexa removed her well-stained and bloody shirt from her body, fabric sliding over her perfectly imperfect skin. She settled under the covers, watching Clarke as she lit one or two candles around the room.

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Clarke ran her fingers through the dark brown curls of Lexa's hair, avoiding tugging at the braids that had fallen loosely into knots. With Lexa's head in her lap, Clarke finally found a sense of belonging again. It was perplexingly comforting to see Lexa asleep against her, trusting her as much.

She looked so much younger as she slept, with her entire body relaxed and slack. Clarke's stomach conducted the best of summersaults as Lexa had began searching for her hand in her sleep, threading her fingers between hers and pulling her hand tightly to her chest.

When true brunette began to stir in her sleep, she couldn't help but stop the ever growing smile and leant down to press a kiss to Lexa's temple. Just like that, Lexa was still again, sound asleep.

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"You guys need to explain what the hell you've been doing." Octavia was fuming, glaring eyes flicking between Abby, Luna and Raven "You've been sneaking around under our noses for months. And then Lexa suddenly comes back and you're acting even more weirdly. You're going to tell me everything. Now."

The three suspicious women looked between each other, each one encouraging the other to speak first. Finally, with an overly exaggerated sigh, Raven took the responsibility.

"When Lexa was dying, she gave a notebook to Clarke. Most of it, Clarke couldn't even understand because it was in Latin, which is a dead language, so she gave it to me to read and translate." Raven shifted in her chair "after reading it, I realised it belonged to Becca Pramheda."

"Isn't that-"

"The first commander, yes. It contained all of her notes from her experiments and creations. One of which was the flame. When Becca became somewhat older, she grew afraid of death. So she created a machine to bring herself back after she had died. But on her deathbed, she wrote that she felt like she didn't deserve to return to Earth after damaging it so much."

"Sooooo... what?" Octavia lifted a brow.

"She left it behind for someone else who needed it. So, we took it upon ourselves to use it to bring back Lexa. After all, she deserved much more better than what she got. Hell, she died for our best friend" Raven wafted her hands in the air to show her motivation "Luna, Abby and I decided to try it out. Hunt out his machine, take Lexa to it, and bring her back."

"Wasn't Lexa's body all... rotten?"

"No. Nightblood keeps a body reserved longer than normal red blood. Now stop interrupting! You wanted me to explain so let me!" Raven scolded before returning to her story "We thought the machinery failed, because when we activated it, Lexa's body just disappeared. Luna thought it was a malfunction and I... I just thought I did something wrong. But we did everything right."

"So... where did her body go?"

"Becca Pramheda had a network of secret laboratories across several clans underground. They all shared information of experiments, including their results. So when we brought Lexa back, I can only assume that she was brought back in another lab instead of the one that we were in. That's what Luna and I found out before she woke up." Raven finally paused for breath, cracking her knuckles before continuing "I went back to the lab that we took Lexa to, and accessed the computers again. Since I knew what I was looking for, it was fairly simple. I managed to find out that Lexa ended up in one of Becca Pramheda's laboratories directly under the Polis tower. I'm guessing that's how she ended up on Pike's side, since everyone inside that wall was instantly titled as Pike's warriors."

"So... you guys were responsible for bringing Lexa back from the dead?" Octavia crossed her arms, looking rather impressed.

"Yes." Abby smiled "I checked her vitals. Blood pressure, her heart rate, breathing, everything. It all matched up to Becca's notes. It was a success."

"Does Lexa even know?"

"Of course she does. She was basically there the entire time when she was inside the flame."

"And the flame is in Lexa now?"

"Yeah..."

The silence enveloped them until Luna raised her voice to speak everyone's thoughts.

"Which means Lexa Kom Trikru is still the leading commander"


	5. Chapter 5

"Something's changed with her, Raven. I don't know what... I don't know how. But I feel like she's changed." Clarke leant over the table, her whisperers drowned out by the loud sound of the kitchen.

The tables in the hall were dimly lit by power saving lamps, illuminating the food and faces which surrounded them. Jasper sat in the corner, a cup filled with some sort of intoxicating drink even though it was still early in the morning. Some seats were empty, where people had to rush off to their jobs before they finished their food. Other seats were empty as their usual owners had been lost to their war efforts.

Raven rolled her eyes as she bit into her food, quickly chopping down and taking a sip of water "Clarke, she's been gone for years. Of course she's changed. I don't think you've noticed yet, but you have too"

"I know but-"

"And besides, she still looks like the commander to me." Raven nodded in the direction of Lexa, and Clarke looked over her shoulder to follow her gaze.

Lexa weaved through tables with a kind of swiftness which she always carried in her. Her back was straight, poised, ready. And for a moment, it was like Clarke was meeting her all over again, in her tent with Indra glaring over Lexa's shoulder like she was scum. Maybe because she was.

"Yeah well, you don't know her like I do" Clarke whispered as Lexa neared them.

Lexa finally sat down in the seat beside Clarke and Octavia, who had been with Lexa, sat down on her other side. Clarke felt the need to do something, anything, to make Lexa know that she acknowledged her presence... or something like that. Her hand acted upon instinct, like an irresistible and strong magnetic pull dragging her towards her, and she reached into Lexa's lap under the table, fingers tangling amongst each other. Their hands rested on Lexa's thigh ardently. Clarke felt green eyes watching her throughout the entirety of her actions.

Octavia's eyes searched the hall, most likely looking for Lincoln. Raven however, seemed more interested in eating her food than looking for Luna. Octavia then shuffled in her seat and looked down at her food.

Lexa seemed to notice her squirming and leant foreword over the table to confront her. It seemed like Octavia had been anxious for years now, and Clarke had just put the blame towards the leading position she had found herself in. But now, her anxieties were much clearer than before.

"Octavia"

Octavia's head quickly lifted from her plate at the sound of her own name "yeah?"

"I have news for you. About your brother"

Octavia pulled a disgusted face, betrayal evident as she looked back down to cut her food. Even so, everyone on the table could see through her pretences. She was not fooling anyone. "why would I even care about him anymore?"

"Would you like me to continue or would you rather I kept my information to myself?" Lexa snapped. That was the commander everyone knew. Patient but impatient when needed. Peaceful but violent when pushed. Always carefully calculated. Always.

Clarke loved it.

"Okay..." Octavia dropped her cutlery to turn and face Lexa "What is it then?"

"He is attempting to get back to you. Escaping Pike's grip on him would be hard since he knows that his previous loyalty lay with you. But he has help."

"Who?"

"An ice nation woman named Echo is aiding him in his escape"

"How can he trust her?" Octavia frowned "She's ice nation."

"Prince Roan, son of Queen Nia, was never a great supporter of his mothers actions. He supports your side from Pike's side. Echo is one of his most trusted warriors"

"So my brother finally came to his senses and realised how much of a coward he was?"

"Indeed."

The silence that followed allowed everyone to think, until Lexa spoke up once again.

"I think you of all people, Octavia, can find a place in your heart to forgive him. He may have betrayed you, but he is still a loved one. He recognises his flaws and wants to make it up to you. Let him."

Clarke watched Lexa as she spoke, knowing well that she wasn't just talking about Bellamy. She was talking about herself too, after betraying Clarke. And how Clarke had managed to forgive Lexa after everything.

Clarke just wished she had forgave her sooner

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It was extremely evident that Lexa was eager to return Polis to its former glory. The way she was leant over the map beside Octavia, murmuring suggestions that left the other girl nodding in agreement, had Clarke falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

Although forced into it, leading was clearly Lexa's passion. She lit up and shimmered in the grasp of her own leadership, and left peace in her wake. The fact that she was willing to give all of it up just to be with Clarke made her heart ache. But then again, everything about Lexa did that.

Raven was sat on her workbench, slumped against the wall and flicking the sides of her Rubik's cube into their places. The sound of the crunching metal as it spun had everyone in the room on the verge of throwing it out of a window. But stick Raven sat, flicking away at it, eyes narrowed in concentration.

"There are several bridges from Polis that cross this lake. That's a rather large risk being put in place if you think of the refugee camps you have there" Lexa pointed to the map. She looked to Clarke for clarification after reading the label on the map. Clarke smiled in pride, realising that Lexa had read it without her help for once. Maybe Clarke wasn't such a bad teacher after all.

"Yeah, but there's not much we can do. We set up a peacekeeping force near the bridge to prevent them from-"

"That's not enough." Lexa said and scratched her chin "We need to take down the bridges. It's the only way to ensure their safety"

"But you were the one who built them. Doesn't that not, I don't know, hurt to know you're tearing down your own home?" Octavia questioned

"Bridges can be rebuilt, Octavia. Lives cannot be replaced" Lexa lifted her head to Raven, who was still absorbed in the focus of her Rubik's cube "Raven, do you remember when you destroyed the bridge to prevent Anya from crossing?"

"I... yes?" Raven looked up, the flicking of her cube ceasing for a moment.

"Can you do it again? For three more bridges?"

Raven grinned "hell yeah, of course I can."

"Good. Then your plan has concluded, Octavia. There is no need to lose more lives peacekeeping bridges"

Raven went back to her annoying hobby of her cube, causing all three heads in the room to spin toward her.

"Raven! Do you have to?" Octavia exclaimed

"What?" Raven exaggerated, lifting her head once again

"That is so annoying!"

"You're annoying!"

"That was childish to say, you know that right?"

"You're childish!"

"Guys! Shut up, would you?" Clarke interrupted their arguing.

"Yes, your constant bickering are making me wish that I stayed in the flame." Lexa joked, earning a half hearted glare from Clarke. The other two women looked slightly shocked that Lexa had made a joke, especially about dying, in front of Clarke but they shook it off as Lexa voiced her curiosity "What is that?"

"It's a Rubik's cube. It was scientifically proven hundreds of years ago to help you indirectly train your brain to be sharper, improve on your eye-hand co-ordination and help process your thoughts better. Basically, solving one shows your logic and decision making capabilities."

"May I?" Lexa held out her hand. Raven rolled her eyes.

"You don't even know the technique."

"Ill shortly figure that out, Raven"

Raven scoffed and messed up the colours "Fine. You have to make it so there's only one colour on each side of the cube."

She tossed it over to Lexa, who caught it with ease. Clarke sat down next to her and watched the long, slender fingers slide over the cube, shifting it in different angles. Brown curls and braids fell over her shoulder, covering her face of concentration. And Clarke kindly pushed Lexa's hair back from her eyes. It was a generous gesture, but in the greatest honestly, Clarke just wanted to see Lexa's face.

"This could take a while you know, Clarke. I've had years of practice." Raven chirped.

Octavia pulled out her sword and settled against the table as she began to sharpen it "Maybe you should get it work on those bombs, Raven."

"Good idea." Raven winked and hopped down from her bench. She poked through what appeared to be junk on the surface, pulling it different pieces and piling them up for work.

Although Raven was constantly full of herself, and overly confident about her work, Clarke couldn't help but admire her. She was dangerously smart, and if she hadn't came down from the ark at the time that she did, she was sure that every single member of the 100 would be dead. It was still strange to think that Lexa was the one sending her warriors to kill them... oh how the tables have turned.

Clarke felt Lexa shift from beside her, standing up and making her way over to Raven. She set the cube back down on the bench, and Raven scoffed without looking. Clearly her self confidence had overruled her confidence in Lexa's knowledge.

"Give up, did you?" Raven finally turned to look at it and see how much of a mess Lexa had left it in. But when she did, she found it in a different state. Clarke had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at Raven's jaw-dropped face. The Rubik's cube sat completed with every face a single colour.

"Alright, I'm done with this shit now. Everyone get out so I can get working on blowing up some stuff" Raven said, clearly embarrassed of herself.

Octavia let out a small chuckle as she slid her sword back into its sheath, heading for the door "Maybe you should practice a little more with that thing, huh Raven?"

There was a small clank of metal, indicating that Raven had thrown a piece of scrap at Octavia in her frustration. Her violence however, only drew more laughter from the red queen's lips. Clarke jumped out the sound, her instincts dragging her to Lexa's side in an instant without even registering in her mind. Her fingers locked around the commander's arm, tugging her so close that her cheek was firmly pressed to Lexa's shoulder.

She felt Lexa's hand on her waist to steady her and, to her utter embarrassment, looked up to see amusement in her green eyes. Lexa raised her brow at Clarke's actions and the blonde quickly let go, feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks, her face burning.

"Jumpy are we, Griffin?" Octavia smirked.

"Oh shut up Octavia." Clarke rolled her eyes, ducking her head to hide the deep shade of pink on her face "You can't blame me"

Clarke had just got Lexa back. And now the poor girl couldn't stop thinking about anything other than losing her again. Even thinking about it again could cause a stream of tears from her eyes. In fact, she had thought about more than once over the few days that Lexa was back in her life. Each time she had wedged herself closer to her, willing herself to remember that she was alive and was there to stay.

Still, she held Lexa's hand in her own tightly and continued on their trip through the corridors. All the time that she walked them alone, mind blank and empty, was finally made up for as Lexa walked side by side with her. It definitely still hadn't settled in wth Clarke that Lexa was alive again.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Lexa pulled her to a halt. Caleb Isaac sat in the middle of the corridor, back slouched against the cold walls. He held her dagger in his hand, twisting it back and forth as he stared at it. He was mumbling things, incoherent but predictable in their meanings.

"What is he doing?" Lexa whispered

Octavia crossed her arms and glanced at Lexa "He's talking to you and Jayden" she said "That dagger is his reminder of you."

"Nobody has told him I'm alive?"

"Nobody has the guts to. Everyone was too scared incase he thought Jayden was alive too. So we held it back for a while." Octavia shrugged.

Lexa tugged her hand away from Clarke and moved with quiet footsteps towards the dark haired boy. Clarke stood back, allowing her to approach him alone. When she moved, she still moved as the commander. After all, it was what Caleb was so familiar to. He was familiar to her radiating power and stable safety.

His head lifted, perhaps after capturing sight of a single boot which belong to Lexa. His eyes widened as he stared up at her, clutching the dagger tighter to his chest. It was like a dark room had suddenly been illuminated. No more shadows. No more fear.

"Commander...!" He stumbled to stand up, fumbling with the blade to make himself look more professional with it in his hands "y-you... you're alive! I spoke to you! I spoke every day! I begged you to come back!"

"I'm right here, Caleb" Lexa said as she crouched down to his height

"J-Jayden isn't with you. Is he?" He asked. The sorrow that filled his eyes made Clarke want to scoop him into her arms and never let go. But Lexa was the one to deal with this. Not her.

"I'm sorry Caleb. He is not." Lexa said.

Suddenly, it was like the boy hesitated, as if he was in a life or death situation. As if he was about to risk his life. He wiggled his fingers, unsure of what to do until he finally acted. He perched on the tips of his toes and hugged Lexa tightly, wrapping his arms around her neck. The dagger clattered on the ground beside him as he lunged for comfort.

Lexa was frozen for a moment, slightly shocked at his sudden bold actions. But then it was like everything clicked into place all at once, and she wrapped her arms around him safely and securely, lifting him off the ground as she stood. His sobs, although muffled by Lexa's shoulder, could be heard from the poor boy. He was tired. Exhausted. And it was already obvious that Lexa had detected it.

"Where does he stay?" Lexa asked, one hand gently rubbing Caleb's back, whilst the other held him from falling.

Clarke was suddenly jolted into the future, her mind racing as she pictured her life. She could see Lexa. Clear and happy and free. She could see her, maybe even clutching a child of their own, brown curls falling over her face as she stared down in awe at their child. Clarke sighed and rubbed her eyes. She could hope.

Clarke nodded Octavia ahead, signalling that she was free to continue with her duties "this way, Lexa" Clarke said softly and lead the way.

Caleb's room appeared to be more of a teenager's room than a child's room. The clutter of papers almost made it impossible to reach the bed, and the room was already seeping with darkness. Clarke watched from the doorway as Lexa weaved through piles of books and clothes, finally setting him down on the bed. Caleb kicked off his shoes, and they landed in a pile beside a dirty t-shirt. Lexa lifted an eyebrow at him as she lifted the covers over his small frame. He immediately curled up into the warmth, dark brown eyes puffy with tears. Lexa carefully brushed away his tears.

"Commander?" He asked, his voice small.

"Yes, Caleb?"

"You're not... you're not as scary as people think you are. Are you?" He tugged the covers up to his nose, almost shy from his question.

"There is no need for you to fear me, Caleb. The only people who must fear me are our enemies" Lexa straightened as she headed for the door, but his scared voice once again drew her to a halt not far from Clarke.

"And what if they're not scared of you?" He asked.

Clarke' eyes met with Lexa's, patiently waiting for her response. Something seemed to burn behind the green, something Clarke came to recognise. The need for revenge.

"They will be" Lexa answered the boy


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa looked so calm when she slept. Every muscle in her body relaxed- a welcome change to her usual tense posture. She was, ultimately, beautiful. 

After finalising their plans to destroy the bridges near Polis, Octavia had suggested that wasting their time was not an option. As soon as Raven finished the bombs, they would pursue their plan. Which meant they had to leave. Now.

However, no matter how many times Clarke pushed herself to wake Lexa up. No matter how many times she paced back and forth in the room, double checking their bags to delay herself, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Lexa had such a firm grip on her heart that even something as simple as waking her up in the morning felt like a knife of guilt to her gut.

So with Clarke being Clarke, she gave into Lexa's soft features and heavy breaths, surrendering herself back into the heat of the bed. Her fingers ran under Lexa's shirt, skimming over the clear-cut abdominal muscles that were coated in smooth skin. She let herself move closer, resting her head on Lexa's chest just above her heart. It was a steady beat that was projected through Clarke's mind, settling her from the unwelcoming thoughts of the commander's death.

She couldn't stop the smile that leapt to her lips as long fingers began to weave through the blonde waves of Clarke's hair. Nor did she want to stop it.

"You cut your hair" Lexa mumbled through the tired tone of her voice.

"You don't like it?"

"I do. After all, at least it is still blonde. Not red or another strange and exotic colour" The brunette kissed the top of Clarke's head.

"But?"

"But I still run my fingers through it expecting there to me more. It takes me by surprise."

When Clarke tipped her head up to look at Lexa, she was greeted with a warm and real smile. And it almost killed her to have to cut their moments of early morning light short. "Come on. We have bridges to burn, Commander"

Clarke slapped Lexa's knee playfully as she picked herself up from the bed. She slung her rifle over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of Lexa as she ever so slowly rose and sluggishly moved around the room in search for clean clothes. One thing Clarke knew for definite, was that she was one of the only people to see this side of Lexa. Yes. The tired, sluggish, lazy, fed up but love struck Lexa was one of her personal favourites.

"You look tired, Lexa. Did you sleep okay?" Clarke tilted her head.

"I suppose. I don't remember being awake." Lexa shrugged, rubbing her eyes "Did you see me awake?"

Clarke scoffed, a smile on her face "Lexa, I'm pretty sure I slept more than you. Just... if you can't sleep, wake me up okay?"

"Okay Clarke" Lexa mumbled as she tightened the buckle on her belt. Clarke knew that her agreement meant nothing, though, and Lexa would never be selfish enough to wake her if she couldn't sleep.

"Lexa" Clarke warned "I mean it"

"I know you do, Clarke"

"Then promise me you'll wake me up" Clarke placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at her lover.

"You know I can't do that, Clarke" Lexa kissed her cheek, sheathing her sword and grabbing her hand as she walked past her "Come on, Octavia will be enraged if we're late"

Clarke continued to pester Lexa into her promise as she followed her into the hallway. "Yeah but Lexa you need to pr-"

"Clarke?"

"I'm serious you need to-"

"Clarke!" Lexa raised her voice ever so slightly to get Clarke's attention.

"What?"

"Please be quiet"

Clarke slapped Lexa's arm, and the sound echoed through the corridors as they walked. The corner of Lexa's lips curved into a smirk.

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The rough terrain below jostled the Rover, and its tires clawed at the dirt in a feverish haste. Water flooded into craters left behind by the tire tracks. Each bullet of rain tore away thick, colossal chunks off mud, dragging it down the steep slopes to settle in the puddle. The storm was bright with the headlights of the rover, illuminating the pathway to their destination.

In the back of the vehicle, Lexa lay asleep, on her back with her head in Clarke's lap. Lexa turned her head, hiding her face from the rest of their company and as the rover rocked back and forth with jelly-like suspension, her nose would brush against Clarke's stomach. One hand lay idle at her side whilst the other threaded long fingers into Clarke's. She hardly even moved as Clarke brushed back her braids.

She found it slightly concerning how much Lexa slept. Of course, she would be exhausted. Her body wasn't so used to being... alive? Yet there was still something in the back of Clarke's mind that screamed something was wrong. What was more worrying though, was that voice was never wrong. Never.

"Did she sleep much last night, Clarke?" Abby asked softly. The care in her eyes were evident, and it had came to Clarke's attention that Abby really did like Lexa, as confusing as that was. She really did want to help her. There were no hateful glares, or disapproving sent towards Lexa and Clarke was thankful for that.

"Judging by what I saw, she slept all night. I felt awful having to wake her up" Clarke frowned

"Try doing it when she's a teenager going through her changes. She was venomous when she had her first menstrual cycle" Luna scoffed. It made Clarke uneasy how much Luna knew about Lexa in her youth. Although it was useful and entertaining in the most part, Clarke didn't like the way she brought it up behind Lexa's back. Especially when she had just returned.

"I didn't want to know that, Luna" Clarke rolled her eyes as Luna shrugged.

"I didn't want to know that either, Luna" Lexa mumbled against Clarke's shirt, the heat of her breath causing her stomach to flip.

"And she's conscious!" Luna chuckled

"And I'll knock you unconscious if you don't leave me alone" The broody brunette grumbled. Luna went silent. Clarke ran her thumb over Lexa's cheek with a smile, tracing her perfectly sculpted cheekbones "Thank you Clarke"

Clarke wasn't exactly sure what Lexa was thanking her for, but she accepted it anyway. Anything that she did that had Lexa's thanks or even approval made her proud of herself. The side effects of being in love, she supposed.

"We're here. Stop bickering and get out." Raven said, looking over her shoulder. Luna looked back at her like a deer caught in headlights, or a child guilty of breaking a parent's rule. "Sorry. Not you, Luna"

With that, Luna swooped out with a smile on her face and a stride and a step. Clarke would say their love was worthy of an audience if she wasn't even more so in love with Lexa. She would say that she'd hate to imagine life without her Lexa too, but she had already experienced it. It was the most painful kind of torture, causing more horrific harm than any blade or beating.

"Are you coming Clarke?" Lexa questioned. Looking up, she realised that she had been so lost in her thoughts she had failed to realise that the rover was now empty, and Lexa was waiting at the door with her hand stretched out to aid her. Clarke took Lexa's hand.

"Yeah. Sorry." She exchanged a small smile with her as her feet reached the dirt.

It had stopped raining now, but the clouds still sagged low, full of water ready to be dropped once again. The usual calm river raged with unnatural currents, monstrous currents leaping from the riverbed and clawing at the strong cobble bricks of the bridge. Clarke's boots sloshed in the mud below her feet, sticking and dragging her down like earth's gravity had suddenly doubled. She looked to see Lexa moving without a hint of struggle showing on her flawless frame. Of course.

"We should get this done before the water gets too high. The currents could be good for washing away the rubble, but too much and the water could get the gunpowder wet." Raven crossed her arms

"Which means what?" Octavia asked

"It means I can't make it go boom"

"That's not useful"

"No shit, O!" She exclaimed. She grabbed a bomb and shoved it into the red queen's arms, shoving her towards the bridge.

"Hey, that could blow up if you handle it like that!"

"No it won't. I would know, I built it"

"Well obviously who else-"

"Just get it done!" Raven exclaimed, unloading the other bombs. Luna watched with wary eyes "Relax, sea lady. It's safe."

It was an insane messy rush. Raven tossed orders like she was the new commander, which almost resulted in her permanently living in the bottom of the river bed if Clarke hadn't calmed Lexa down. They decided on working in pairs, with Lexa and Clarke tackling the bomb on the first bridge, Luna and Raven tackling the second, and Abby and Octavia following with the third.

Clarke's first step on the bridge almost stole her breath as fear washed over her. What if it broke away right below her feet? Their bridge was the furthest down the river. If it broke away, and Clarke was left a victim to the hungry waters, she'd be dragged down the river with nobody to help her. At least if Raven or Octavia fell, she'd be able to reach down and grab their hand before they're completely consumed by the violent currents.

Clarke's thoughts were calmed as Lexa brushed past her, her usual confidence in herself and her actions fuelled Clarke to push on. They made their way to the centre of the bridge.

"How does this work?" Lexa questioned as she set it down carefully. Clarke lowered herself to its level to get a closer look.

"Raven said there was a latch on here. She said to remove it when it was placed, and back away" Clarke fumbled around the circular metal until her fingers locked around the thing she was searching for "ready?"

"Do it" Lexa said. Clarke tugged the latch, the metal clicking into place as it worked. Grabbing her hand, Lexa quickly pulled her back to the safety of land before the bridge collapsed.

The cloud of dust was quickly consumed by the water, and broken bricks were dragged under by its pull. It was as if it was never there. Like they had skipped back in time before it was even built. Raven and Luna's bridge shared a similar fate, but the similarities stopped when Octavia and Clarke's mother's bridge remained standing. The bomb lay indolent against the brick. No explosion. Nothing.

"What the hell happened to that one?" Raven asked

"I don't know... we did everything you said." Octavia responded

"Did you get it wet?"

"I don't think so"

"Then why didn't it go off?"

"I don't know! Maybe you did something wrong!"

"I did not do something wrong!" Raven exclaimed "I'll go check on it. See what the hell is going on."

Raven strode straight towards the bridge, eyes trained on the bomb which was yet to go off.

"Raven wait... it could still go off... Raven!" Clarke followed Raven onto the bridge, catching up the mechanic with ease due to her unfortunate disability. She rushed forward, grabbing her hand. Raven stopped and turned to face Clarke, brows furrowed.

"Clarke what are you doing? Get off me!"

"Raven think about this! The bomb-"

At the mention of the destructive weapon, it suggested its presence (or rather it's exit) as it detonated. Fulminated from the other side of the bridge. It turned to scree and gravel below their feet and toppled towards the river below them.

Water.

Water was cold. Strong. Powerful. It held them captive in its current and seeped its cold fingertips below their skin. There was yelling. Shouts of worry of which managed to reach their ears through the splashes. But the only think that ran through Clarke's mind was: she couldn't swim. Raven couldn't swim.

And they were to be swept away like paper in a gust of wind.

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Lexa's heart froze mid-beat, freezing over as she watched blonde hair submerge bellow the water.

"Oh my god!" Abby exclaimed. She ran forward, straight towards the roaring monster which had stolen her daughter and friend "Clarke! Raven!"

Luna rushed along the hill beside the two struggling women amongst the river, quickly overtaken by Lexa who bounded ahead with an impeccable sense of urgency.

"Bring Raven ashore! I'll get Clarke!" Lexa commanded, tossing her coat to the side with Luna nodding and following her actions from behind.

She drew her hands together and dove forward into the water, palms piercing a pathway for her to lead straight to Clarke. She propelled herself with strong, powerful arms as she swam as fast as she could to the drowning blonde ahead of her.

She lifted her head just enough to see through the foggy spray of river water, and her stomach dropped. It would have been a lot safer, better even, if perhaps they were being carried straight towards a bank or another bridge. But instead... instead they approached a waterfall. Jagged rocks poked out, jabbing viciously at the air, ready for the closest victim for fall into its trap. And there was not a single thing that Lexa could do. Unless...

"Clarke! Take my hand!" Lexa yelled over the crashing waves.

Clarke somehow managed to lock onto slender fingers, and Lexa pulled her tightly towards her. They barrelled towards the waterfall at a speed that would be enough to stop Lexa's heart alone, never mind the fact that Clarke was in danger.

"Hold onto me, and do not let go!" Lexa instructed "No matter what!"

The blue in Clarke's eyes dominated the water around them, staring up into Lexa's eyes with such fear and intensity that the green-eyed brunette felt as if she had already fallen from the waterfall. But she hadn't. She had fallen for Clarke. Again and again. Over and over. And she would never grow tired of it.

"I'll never let go" Clarke promised. Lexa tangled their legs together below the water and held Clarke as tightly and as close as she could.

"When I say, take a large intake of breath and hold it. Okay?"

"Okay!" Clarke yelled over the water

The cliff approached rapidly.

One.

Lexa felt their bodies being tugged towards it.

Two.

The river bank was swept from below them them.

Three.

"Now!"

They fell. Wind whistled through their ears with the speed of their drop. Their stomachs rose to their throats. The cold water crashed against their skin as they landed. And they were fully submerged in the icy waters. Lexa paddled to the surface as quickly as possible, hearing Clarke gasp for air from beside her. It was only a matter of time before Clarke would tire, and they'd both be left helpless against the bombarding river.

Lexa's eyes were wide wth concentration, searching for the closest escape she could find. A log, not but an arms length from her, jutted out from the bank. Her hand locked onto the bark, the other holding Clarke tightly. It crumbled below her fingers, splinters stabbing into her skin or flaking away into the breeze. There wasn't long left before it would disintegrate below her fingers.

A crack began to snap into the wood, lining itself directly across the middle. Lexa groaned, hands growing numb with the freezing temperatures, the grip she held on the log, the splinters in her palms. It snapped.

Before they could even begin to submerge once again in the water, a hand shot out to grab hers and pulled her ashore. Luna stood, dripping wet with the contents of the river, panting as she looked down at the commander. Lexa, on the other hand, payed no attention to her until Clarke was laying on the river bank, catching her breath. Lexa lay on her back beside her.

"Thanks" Clarke heaved out through breaths. Her hair stuck to her neck and her shoulders, and Lexa couldn't blame her if she couldn't be bothered to push it away. After all, she had just fell from the top of a waterfall.

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Clarke saw Lexa open her mouth to speak. Say something. Perhaps acknowledge her thanks for herself and Luna. But nothing came out. She saw the shaking grow and echo through Lexa's body, starting at her hands and worming it's way up.

Lexa was seizing. Somehow. For some unknown reason. And Abby dropped to her knees beside her in an instant, checking her pulse, tipping her on her side to rid of the foamy substance that had surfaced to Lexa's mouth.

"Lexa? Lexa! What the hell is happening Mom? Why is this happening?" Clarke panicked, reaching out to grab Lexa's face.

It was a horrific sight, seeing the strong and stoic commander seize right before her eyes. Lexa was always full of rather unpleasant surprises, and she hoped that in the future they wouldn't all be like this.

"I don't know, Clarke." Abby said calmly "Maybe it's the cold water."

"Mom she's more used to the temperatures on earth than me! I would be the one-"

"Abby?" Luna interrupted

"What?"

Luna crouched down and lifted a finger to Lexa's neck. Surrounding her scar, and the beautiful tattoo that accompanied it, sprouted digital looking black marks. Like ink pixels spreading through her bloodstream. It was beautiful in its own way. Yet, Clarke instantly hated the sight of it.

"What is that?" Octavia asked


	7. Chapter 7

"Your body is beginning to reject the flame" Abby explained as she collected her papers together. She had been hunched over her desk for hours trying figure out what was so wrong with Lexa. Clarke had been sat with the commander the entire time, watching as her mother took blood and checked her heart rate over and over.

"Why though? Lexa is a night blood. Her body should accept the flame. As long as she isn't red blooded then she's safe. Right?"

Abby sighed and slipped her white doctor's coat from her arms. She hung it over the arm of her chair and sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"Lexa I don't know what to say to you sweetheart." Abby admitted honestly. Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She knew the tone in her mother's voice was something she should be concerned about, and she shuffled closer to Lexa, her hand grabbing Lexa's arm.

"Tell me what you know, Abby. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore." Lexa said honestly. It was true though. At first, Lexa surprised herself by falling in love again, which was something she promised herself she would never do. She then pursued that love further, resulting in her death. Then... then she was brought back. Whatever Abby had now, it was most likely unsurprising.

"Lexa, you're losing your nightblood"

Clarke forgot her thoughts from the past few minutes. Lexa was definitely surprised. Shocked. Hurt even. The look in her eyes, the way they grew wide at her mother's words. Clarke's mouth felt dry, and her grip tightened on Lexa's arm.

"How? What's happening to her, mom? Can we fix it?" Her voice cracked and wavered. After all, she was thinking of the worst possible scenario. Was she going to lose Lexa again?

"When she came back I took blood tests on her. Remember that?" She received a nod from the two girls "I compared the tests I just took. nightblood normally has a small amount of red blood cells amongst nightblood cells. Your recent tests show me that the number of red blood cells in your blood is growing."

Lexa stared blankly

"It means your blood is turning red, Lexa"

"What do I do?" Lexa said. Her voice was thick with tension. Clarke could tell her anger was growing with the volume of her voice "what do you want me to do?"

"There's nothing we can do. I can look into maybe finding some in mount weather. I'm sure they must have harvested some nigh-"

"No. I will not steal the blood from my people and use it to my advantage." Lexa stood and clenched her fists "I am not the mountain men. And I am not skaikru"

With that, she pulled from Clarke's grasp and stormed out, door slamming.

"Well that went well" Abby said sadly

"Maybe she'll come around." Clarke slipped from her seat and went to follow her.

She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to say. She had a feeling though that 'Hey Lexa, just use someone else's blood' would not be very convincing.

She searched for Lexa, wondering different sized corridors and checked every room she believed Lexa to be in. The war room, Raven's workshop, even the weapons room, they were all devoid of a certain commander. It was beginning to grow later and later into the evening, and darkness was beginning to cast leaning shadows across the training yard as Clarke trailed to the dining hall. Her eyes began to droop as she found it empty. Wherever Lexa was at that moment and time, she did not want to be found and Clarke had to accept that.

She heavily pushed her bedroom door open, a sigh catching in her throat as she finds the room warm and lit with candles. A figure lay on her bed, tattooed arm rested comfortably above the covers. A small smile lined Clarke's lips and she slipped off her boots. Found you she thought.

She slid below the sheets as quietly as possible, with only a small dip in the bed as evidence of her presence. She ever so carefully draped an arm over Lexa's waist. She felt a palm press to her own as Lexa laced their fingers together. Even in deep sleep, Lexa couldn't resist Clarke Griffin.

Clarke pressed herself closer to Lexa, feeling the comforting warmth of the brunette's body heat. Clarke almost laughed out loud- even when Lexa was angry and reserved, she still ended up being the little spoon. It was something Clarke found entertaining the first few times that it occurred. Yes, Lexa would still often be the big spoon. But recently, Clarke was growing used to edging into bed behind Lexa and enveloping her in her arms.

There was a fresh draft in the air. It carried a new, fresh scent. Clarke almost found the smell relaxing... until the draft shifted and extinguished Lexa's candles. At first, the commander didn't seem to realise, and Clarke was just about ready to rest her hand back on the pillow and close her eyes when Lexa reacted.

The commander shot up from her arms, back straight. Her green eyes glowed in the dark as they searched endlessly through the shadows of the room. In that very moment, Clarke could imagine Lexa's childhood. Imagine a small, youthful Lexa locked away in the darkness of a bunker as punishment for her actions. And yet still, even after everything Anya had put her through, Lexa still mourned for her. Perhaps because she was the closest thing she had to a mother. What did happen to Lexa's mother?

Clarke rested her hand softly on Lexa's thigh, letting her know she was there. "hey" she whispered. Lexa looked down to find her watching. And Lexa... she looked panicked. Clarke couldn't blame her. After all, she was afraid of the dark. "Come here" she said softly and opened her arms.

Lexa slowly lay back down, settling into Clarke's embrace with a sigh. Clarke felt Lexa's tense body relax into her, and she couldn't hold the smile when Lexa nuzzled into her neck. Yes, Lexa was a commander. A soldier- a leader by day. But by night, with Clarke, she was gentle. Clarke was on the verge of believing that she was nothing but an oversized puppy.

She felt Lexa pushing her to turn over on her other side, and when she looked to her for reason, Lexa lifted an eyebrow. So, with no more words, Clarke turned her back to Lexa. Instantly, strong arms found their way around her, and Lexa pressed closely to Clarke's back.

"You haven't done this in a while, commander" Clarke mumbled against the pillow.

"I'm sorry. I feel like I have neglected my duties of loving you" Lexa's breathhit the back of Clarke's neck. Oh no, Clarke definitely felt loved.

"Don't be so dramatic Lexa" she smiled into the sheets.

"I'm not" Lexa argued.

Something about the way Lexa's fingers stayed fixed on her hip, and the way her breath tickled at her neck, made her have a thought that maybe being dramatic wouldn't be so bad. Clarke wanted that small amount of distance that separated them to disappear. And that's what she made it do.

Clarke pushed herself further back into Lexa, hearing the girl grunt from behind her. With her hand over Lexa's, she lead her slender fingers up her stomach to her chest. Lexa's breathing felt heavier against her skin.

She felt Lexa's lips on her neck, leaving soft and loving kisses. The green-eyed girl finally gave into Clarke's mischief, and rolled atop of the blonde. She leant down and captured her in a captivating kiss, filled with the perfect balance of passion and... something else which Clarke was enjoying, almost too much.

"You were, and always will be the death of me" Lexa muttered against Clarke's smirking lips.

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"You have a sex glow" Raven commented from under the rover.

"Raven you can't even see me. I don't have a sex glow"

"Yes you do Clarke. You're glowing. It's blinding me from under here."

"Raven!" Clarke scolded "Is everything that comes out of your mouth complete bullshit?"

"No that's Murphy. Most of the things I say are true." She said as she rolled out. She instantly clicked her tongue and nodded at Clarke "Yep. Definitely sex glow."

Clarke groaned and sat against the desk.

"Clarke, I've seen Luna after we have sex. She glows. Literally. And you're glowing!"

"I do not wish to hear about Luna's sex life, Raven" Lexa silenced her as she strode in. Clarke shared a long, heavy look with her.

"Ah! Commander! Look, you're glowing t- wait. No you're Lexa you never glow" Raven wafted her hand and flipped the hood of the rover open "forget it"

"Are you really teasing Clarke about her having sex?" Lexa raised an eyebrow. She looked unimpressed with the mechanic.

"Well obviously" Raven rolled her eyes "Wait you did! I knew it!"

"It's not rare for us to have sex Raven. May I remind you that you too have sex. I've heard it. It's horrific."

"Now you're just being rude."

"I'm being honest, Reyes."

"Well maybe oh shouldn't be so honest"

"Are you asking me to lie?"

"To protect my ego? Yes!"

"Lying in trikru tradition faces punishment"

"Well I think Clarke already has that sorted for you" Raven lunged at her chance for one last dig at Lexa, and delivered her punchline with an embarrassing wink. Clarke ducked her head to hide the blush creeping it's way onto her face.

For a few moments, the two brunette women just stared at each other, Lexa's green eyes glaring into humoured brown. Just like that, Raven shot off running down the corridors, leg brace squeaking with her rugged movement, and Lexa on her tail.

Octavia took her cue to walk in "What the hell was that about?" She asked as she set down her rolls of maps. Clearly Octavia was trying to stay afloat of her leadership duties. She looked tired, as if she had spent all night awake hunched over maps and working out the ration lists.

"Raven was being Raven. I'd help her but... I'm on Lexa's good side and I'd prefer to stay that way." She said as she watched Octavia lay out the maps, running a hand through her hair "what's going on Octavia?"

Octavia slumped onto Raven's work stool with a sigh. She swivelled around and rested her chin on her hand.

"I want to help Bellamy out of Polis, Clarke. I just don't know how to" She stressed "If I could I would but... how? It's impossible."

"No. It's not. Octavia, who do we know was literally living in Polis without them knowing? Who do you know who was helping us from the inside the entire time?"

"Lexa?"

"Lexa. So why can't she go back in? She could take us in and she can sneak us out too. It would be simple."

"Is anything ever simple? We went to blow up a few bridges and we ended up nearly drowning"

"We need to help Bellamy, Octavia. He's family, one of the 100"

"You're right" Octavia nodded "my brother, my responsibility."

"So, red queen, what are you going to do about your brother?" Clarke quirked an eyebrow as she spoke Octavia's name of leadership. The girl scoffed.

"Lexa and I will go in. She should know where to find Bellamy, right? She can take me straight to him and this woman that's helping him and we can get him out."

"I'm not leaving Lexa alone. You know that, Octavia. I'd have to go with you."

"Is this because..."

"Because I can't lose her again. I'm staying with her."

"Staying with who?" Lexa asked as she walked back in. Raven was behind her, looking sweaty from running and her chest heaving. Lexa however, looks fine. Like always.

"You" Clarke repeated "I'm not leaving you."

"Clarke, you may need to put that into a more understandable context."

"We're going back in to Polis." Octavia mentioned.

"What?" Raven poked her head over Lexa's shoulder, eyes wide. When she stumbled forward into Lexa, the commanders elbow shot out to push her back away from her. Raven cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Alright. I'll take you" Lexa nodded in agreement.

Octavia reached out and grabbed Lexa's forearm to shake "thank you, Lexa"

"Let's go get your brother"


	8. Chapter 8

Leaning against the rear doors of the rover, Clarke sighed. The scenery which Polis looked over was purely breathtaking. With fields stretching far to the slow-quilted mountains, and woods with trees that stood straight and tall. The sound of the water that carefully and calmly weaved its way through the centre of the scenery almost had the blonde forgetting why she was there. The colors all mixed into one, and Clarke found herself longing for her paints.

However, as Lexa strode her way through knee-length grass, she realised that the commander's beauty dominated that of nature. Her eyes stood out to be far more greener than any blade of grass, and her hair was only a small tone darker than the bark of the trees behind her. And even though Lexa was only one woman, Clarke had no doubt that the commander was just as powerful of nature itself. She could stare Mother Nature in the eye, and not back down.

Niylah scrambled behind the brunette, looking like nothing more than a scared animal. Clarke tipped her head to the side as she wondered what on Earth Lexa had done to the poor woman. It would have most likely been smart for Niylah to stay with Raven and Luna.

"Are we ready?" Lexa asked as she neared Clarke and Octavia.

"I hope so" Octavia lifted her arm to crack a distressed bone in her shoulder "Remind me why Niylah is here again?"

"She insisted on coming" Lexa grumbled. Niylah looked up at her like a kicked puppy. Although she most likely was kicked. Multiple times by Lexa already. For what reason, she was still waiting to find out. But she had a feeling it was about Niylah's close relation to Clarke after her death.

"I wanted to ensure that medical attention can be provided as quick as possible." Niylah added

"And Clarke is well trained in that specific area"

"And what if it's her who's hurt?" Niylah countered

Lexa gritted her teeth and surged towards Niylah "That will never happen"

"And what if this time you're not there to use yourself as a human shield, Lexa?"

The brunette seethed as she gripped Niylahs shirt and shoved her up against the rover with rage. Niylah's eyes went wide as she stared at the other woman, knowing she had crossed a dangerous line "Maybe I can just use you as that shield. It most certainly wouldn't be a waste would it?"

Clarke was the first to grab Lexa's arm and pull her back. Lexa's grip loosened from Niylah, and her hands immediately dropped to her sides. Green eyes searched her own.

"Lexa, we can talk about this later. Right now, this is about getting Bellamy out. Okay?" Lexa tugged her arm away, but Clarke only grabbed onto it again "Okay?" She repeated.

Lexa glanced to the side at Niylah once again. The muscles in her jaw relaxed as she gave into the blonde "Okay" she mumbled.

Clarke let go and Lexa corrected her posture, straightening her back and sighing as she returned to her calm and collected state. With a lone nod, she proceeded towards Polis, and the group shortly followed her.

She was unsure of what had changed more over time: Lexa, or the world around them. But now, everything felt different. Lexa was acting different, Clarke was acting different. Yet the worry she felt for that was nowhere near the top of her list. What was, however, at the top, was the worry for Lexa's life. The blonde could never go through the same torture she went though after losing the girl she loved again. She couldn't cope with the false hope of a happy life dangled before her eyes before being snatched away once again. Raising her hand, she scratched her chin in thought as thoughts of possible solutions scoured through her head.

"Clarke? Are you coming?" Lexa asked quietly, hand holding open the large stone door that seemed to have appeared from thin air. Of course, It hadn't. Obviously.

"Yeah... yeah I am." Clarke shook her thoughts and followed her lover through the heavy door, entering the dark and empty backstreets of Polis.

Lexa's mask was tugged over her face by long slender fingers, concealing her flawless features. Clarke came to her own conclusion that she hated the thing. Lexa had always had pride in herself, and that included her looks. To know that now she had no choice but to hide her identity from her own people drew bile to the back of Clarke's throat.

The streets were dark, with a looming sense of danger that never left. The group took hesitant steps past figures who sat slumped against the walls, cloaks drawn over their heads to fight of the fierce chill of the approaching evening. Their shivers were the only thing showing her that they were alive.

Clarke watched Lexa's fists clench at the sight of her people suffering. If she was still leading Polis and the clans, the people would be safe in their homes with their family, instead of fighting for their lives in their abandoned state.

Suddenly Lexa stopped, bringing the entire group to a hault behind them. Clarke almost head-butted the back of the brunette's shoulder. Lexa was stood, head dipped to watch as the little girl curled up in her mother's blanket. Her mother, in response, pulled her daughter closer as they approached, rubbing the girl's back to keep her warm.

Lexa's eyes flashed with a look only Clarke had seen a few times before. Guilt. She crouched down, green fixated on the small family before her. The girl instantly shrunk back into her mother's neck for protection, the stranger clearly scaring her.

But Lexa stayed where she was, and removed her mask once again. The older woman's eyes widened at the sight of her commander who she believed was dead. She immediately began to shuffle to sit up straighter, but Lexa's hand shot out to keep her still.

"Don't" Lexa whispered softly

"H-Heda you're..."

"Shh" Lexa shushed her as she turned her attention to the shivering little girl "what is your name?"

The girl peaked out from below the blankets, staring with bold blue eyes at the commander "Eliza" she said without a hint of hesitation.

Lexa slipped her cloak down her arms, and wrapped it around Eliza, who was instantly warmed by Lexa's lingering body heat on the fabric. Her mother could only watch in shock, greying blonde hair falling over similar blue eyes.

Clarke watched goosebumps rise across Lexa's inked skin as she reached over to brush the hair from her eyes.

"I promise this will end. You will be back in your homes soon" Lexa said softly. The woman paused to reach out and grip Lexa's shoulder.

"I thank you, Heda."

"I'm sorry that this happened to you. I will make this all better. I promise." Lexa said. With one last nod from the awestruck woman, she stood, back straight, eyes hard with determination as she slid her mask back on.

It was then and there that all of them, even Niylah, knew that there was no way they could could fail. Lexa's people were dying. And Clarke's heart shattered into pieces at the thought. Pike had taken everything from Lexa: her people, her home... her life.

Without them, Lexa just wasn't Lexa.

"Come on. Your brother awaits you, Octavia." Lexa said as she headed towards to side of Polis tower.

There was a newly found strength in her stride, her determination set on her task ahead. It was something Clarke had always admired about Lexa. She remained focused no matter what, especially when it mattered most. Even in times where most would lose their minds under the intense pressure of being the commander, Lexa remained stoic. Flawless.

"So how's this going to go? Where do we meet him?"

"He doesn't know we're here" Lexa says quietly as she fumbles around the bricks of the towers

"Are you kidding me? So what's your plan? Storm in and steal my brother?"

"No" Lexa yanked out a single piece of brick from the wall, reaching into the gap she had created to pull at the small handle which was hidden behind the mass of concrete.

"How many secret passageways and doors are there in Polis?" Octavia frowned "Is this one too?"

Lexa glanced over her shoulder "No, that is just a rock Octavia."

Clarke couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her lips at Octavia's embarrassed face, whilst Niylah remained quiet. Lexa opened a small doorway to what looked to be the dungeons of the tower.

"They were holding Bellamy here for quite a while. Not as prisoner, but it was the only place they would allow him to stay." Lexa said quietly as she slipped inside "I heard from Echo that she and Roan were forced to stay down here. They had too many connections to myself and the opposing side."

Immediately, the lingering humidity of the underground floors struck Clarke as she entered, and the low burning torches casted a gloomy light which only just enabled them to see. Lexa stormed directly down the corridors in search for the older Blake sibling and his accomplices, eyes narrowed at empty rooms just to ensure that they were in fact empty.

She paused- then swerved on the heel of her shoes to change her direction. The group behind her followed blindly. Of course, only Lexa knew where she was going. After living in Polis the most of her life, she would know everything there was to know about the place.

A sound echoed through the walkways, an unmistakable sound of metal clanking against concrete floors. Lexa's head immediately snapped to it's source, malevolence in her eyes.She took a confident but weary step towards the space of danger, fingers tightening around her sword. Octavia was immediately behind her, following her actions. Niylah however, stayed back with Clarke

Lexa's sword was out of its sheath at the smallest movement, and her judgement was flawless. A figure leapt from the shadows, colliding with the commander with a powerful force.

But Lexa- Lexa was just as powerful.

She was agile. Smart. Planning and calculating with immense combat knowledge. And using that, she spun his weight like he was nothing, and slammed him into the wall. He gasped as his breath was knocked from his lungs, his back slammed into the cold bricks.

But before her blade could reach his throat, Lexa was pulled back by Octavia.

"Stop it! Stop!" She yelled, eying the bearded man before her "That's Bellamy!"

They all stood, staring at the man who had taken it upon himself to attack the commander. He stood, clothes baggy on his toned skin. His hair hung long and greasy over his dark eyes, and a long thick beard decorated his face where thin stubble once lay. It was something Clarke could guess had grown over the 3 and a bit years they had spent separated from one another. And even though he had betrayed them all, she still had a rush of relief to see him.

"O?" He said in an unbelieving voice "I didn't think you'd ever..."

He was cut off by his sister smothering him in a tight-gripping hug. The way she buried her head in his shoulder, and relaxed into his arms, almost had Clarke wishing she had a sibling. But then again... she would have lost her mother too, as the laws on the ark prevented people from having more than one child. Clarke glanced at Lexa. Would Lexa ever want kids?

Lexa's eyes met hers, green radiating through the eyes of her mask. But even with her features, Clarke could see the confusion. After all, the blonde was staring at her with a dreamy look on her face. She quickly lowered her gaze to floor, pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind. In the middle of a destructive war, and families being torn apart, why on Earth was she thinking about children?

Lexa probably didn't even like children. Or want them.

To be commander is to be alone, and Lexa had already made an exception for Clarke. She would never have children. Ever. Period.

And Clarke had to stop thinking about it.

Now.

"Sorry, commander. I thought you were someone else. People have been growing suspicious of me. I thought they had finally sent someone to get rid of me." Bellamy explained his actions over Octavia's shoulder, watching Lexa carefully.

"We're all of edge at this moment and time, Bellamy." Lexa nodded, developing an understanding for the eldest Blake "where's Echo? And Roan?"

"They were called to go on a mission for Pike. They never mentioned what it was."

"We came here to bring everyone out. That included them." Lexa said with a hint of anger in her tone "they must be here"

"Lexa... we have to go." Clarke said softly "we'll just have to come back for them"

"I swore to get everyone out. I'm not leaving." The brunette said, her stubbornness growing with each second. Clarke knew that she had to fight Lexa this time. Because soon enough, someone would come wondering downstairs to find the commander and her friends sitting practically having a picnic whilst they wait for the king of azgeda and his subject.

"Lexa!" She hissed, clenching her fists, icy eyes warning the brunette "We have to go!"

Lexa straightened her back, eyes watching Clarke suspiciously.

"Very well." Lexa sighed, shoulders sagging as she gave into her lover. Clarke felt a wave of victory wash over her as Lexa agreed. God knows what sort of arguments would occur during their marriage if they couldn't even decide on this.

Stop it Clarke, you need to think about this war. Not starting a family with Lexa.

But god... A family with Lexa Kom Trikru would complete her life.

Clarke, stop it.

Clarke groaned at her own mind as it argued with itself. She was tiring herself out in a fight with herself. How pathetic, she was even beginning to get a headache from it.

And yet, as they left Polis once again, she couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to a blue-eyed little girl with wild brown hair, clinging tightly to her mother. Lexa would make a great mother...

Clarke, you're being pathetic.

But the fact was, Clarke kind of enjoyed her pathetic thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

Bellamy silently laid a pile of dry wood where Lexa crouched, hands expertly moving to create a flame. One moment, there were nothing but sparks. And the next, the logs were engulfed in a healthy fire. She shuffled back, eyes lit pale in the orange glow.

Clarke wedged herself further amongst the blanket to find more heat whilst also creating space for the commander. Her eyes were weighted, and with every blink it grew harder to stay awake. It was at the darkest time of night, so when Octavia had suggested they stopped to rest, nobody refused. Even Lexa looked drained of energy.

So when her brunette lover stayed where she was instead of joining her, she furrowed her brows in confusion.

"I'll keep watch for an hour or two. I don't want to be unguarded when we're so close to opposing territory." Lexa explained.

Clarke softened at her words, the tense feeling in her stomach which told her she had done something wrong vanished.

"Wake me up soon though. I don't want you to stay awake all night, okay?"

"Okay" Lexa nodded, settling down beside Clarke.

"I mean it Lexa." She warned.

"I know you do"

With Lexa's promising words, Clarke tugged her blanket further over her shoulders, tucking it under her chin. But yet she still wasn't comfortable, and she let out a small grunt in response to the hard ground digging into the side of her cheek. Then she felt Lexa's soft grip on her, carefully pulling her to rest her head in her lap.

The familiar and distinct scent of Lexa lingered in the close quarters of the two women, and Clarke shrunk into the safety Lexa provided. With the feeling of long fingers gently running through her hair, she allowed her eyes to fall shut.

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She drifted in and out of sleep, shuffling and turning in Lexa's lap as she did so. Just as she was about to fall asleep again, Lexa's quiet murmur pulled from the purgatory between being awake and being asleep.

"I apologise Niylah."

There was a shuffling of leaves not far away, indicating that Niylah was in fact listening.

"What for, Heda?"

She felt the soft pad of Lexa's thumb tracing her cheek, and heard a sigh escape her lips "It is wrong for me to act so unkindly toward you. You protected Clarke when I was gone. I am thankful for that." There was a pause "I should not allow jealousy to cloud my thoughts of what you have done for her to keep her safe"

"Heda I understand why you are j-"

"Niylah." Lexa silenced her "I apologise for my treatment of you. That is it. We do not need to discuss this any further"

"But we-"

"I am aware of your actions with Clarke. I understand why you did it, and why she did it too." She felt Lexa's eyes on her "She was grieving. Sometimes that drives you into things you never expect."

Like believing that love is weakness Clarke thought or forcing yourself into an emotionless mask.

"I know it does" Niylah responded quietly.

Clarke took that opportunity to open her eyes, and shift in Lexa's lap. Sunlight cascaded down on her tired eyes, causing her to squint. Lexa however quickly blocked the right rays with her head as she looked down on the blonde.

"Hey" Clarke whispered.

"Good morning, Clarke." Lexa said with a sheepish tone.

"You didn't wake me." Clarke scolded as she sat up, glaring at the brunette

"I didn't feel the need to" Lexa shrugged

"Lexa were you awake all night?"

"No"

"You were weren't you?"

"No"

"Don't lie to me" Clarke waved her pointed finger in Lexa's face

"I wasn't"

"Are you sure?" Clarke raised an eyebrow. Lexa watched her for a moment.

"I took over from her a few hours ago" Niylah raised her voice "she woke up not long before you did"

Clarke looked between the two women. She knew Niylah was lying for Lexa, but she was happy that they were finally getting along and not at each other's throats. She smiled and nodded, playing along with Niylah's lie.

"Oh" Clarke said and looked at Lexa "why didn't you just say that"

She shuffled out from below the blankets, stretching. She felt the slightest crack in her back as her back loosened itself, and she let out a quiet groan of relief.

"Sleeping on the floor isn't one of my strongpoints" Clarke muttered through a sigh. Lexa watched her with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Your body is stiff with old age, Clarke."

"Lexa I'm sure you're older than me."

"Actually, Lexa has missed out on quite a few years. How old were you before you... you know, died?" Octavia brought up, rolling on her side to watch them.

Lexa looked down, brows scrunched together in thought. It took a couple of seconds before she shrugged "I do not know."

"How don't you know?" Octavia sat up "have you never celebrated a birthday."

"No" Lexa scratched her chin "Anya forbid such celebrations. She said they were distractions from our duties. Perhaps Luna would be able to tell you."

"Wow... Anya seemed to be a bitch" Octavia spoke freely, without a filter.

"She made me who I am. I am grateful for that." Lexa said as she stood "There's a lake not far from here, just through the trees. I'm going to go get some water and wash up."

"I'll come with you" Clarke said quickly, scrambling after Lexa and hopping over roots of trees that poked too far out of the ground. The brunette only glanced over her shoulder in response "Lexa"

The broody brunette only trudged on into the lake, thick leather boots protecting her from the water. Clarke quickly followed, ignoring the cold liquid seeping into her shoes.

"Hey" she said softly, crouching down in front of her. Lexa cupped the water in her hands, bringing it to her lips to take a sip. Clarke gently grabbed her wrists, pulling them away from Lexa's face "look at me."

Lexa sighed and tried to pull her hand away from Clarke, but the other girl only tightened her grip. They both knew that Lexa's flaw was her eyes. Clarke could read them easier than a book, which was most likely why Lexa was avoiding looking at her all together.

"Lexa, please" Clarke whispered.

The softness in her tone finally drew those green orbs out of hiding. She immediately moved closer, the water now lapping at her knees and splashing against her shirt. But her attention was solely concentrated on the hurt she saw in front of her.

"Lexa I..."

"Clarke. I don't need your pity. I don't." Lexa said, voice strong. Unwavering. A strong contrast to what she was really feeling.

"I know you don't need it." Clarke said. She reached out to brush her hand against Lexa's cheek "but there's nothing wrong with a little bit of support, Lexa."

The way Lexa leant into her hand; the way she opened up so quickly before Clarke. It was beautiful.

"You're scared. Confused. Aren't you?" Clarke said gently, thumb tracing over her delicate cheekbones. The brunette didn't have to speak to confirm it. The look in her eyes spoke for her. Every time. "And that's okay"

"It's not. We're in a war, Clarke. I must act like it."

"What are you so scared of, Lexa?"

There was a pause. A long, painful gap of silence until she spoke "I don't want to lose you again." Lexa whispered quietly.

Clarke' heart throbbed, kicking at her ribs at Lexa's words "you won't"

"But what if-"

Clarke lurched forward, hand gripping the back of Lexa's neck as she brought her lips to hers. Every time Clarke kissed her, it was like she was kissing her for the first time. Her heart still raced at an unstoppable speed, her fingertips still itched to touch her.

The water crashed against her as Lexa shifted closer, tilting her head to deepen their kiss. It didn't ratter that they were at the bank of a river, or that they were out in the open. All that matter was the way Lexa's lips felt against hers.

Clarke pulled away from the kiss to breathe, and saw the lone tear that rolled down Lexa's cheek. The commander's eyes were brimmed with tears, watery green staring back at her with wide eyes.

"Promise me" Lexa whispered "Promise me that after this war is over, there's no more fighting. We find peace. Not just for our people but for us."

Clarke wanted nothing more but to hold the girl and never let go. Hug her, kiss her and comfort her until there was nothing left in the world that could hurt her. She wiped the tear from her Lexa's cheek.

"I promise, Lex" she said, voice breaking as Lexa spoke freely. Lexa perked up at the new and foreign nickname, whilst Clarke immediately settled on liking it. With the small smile Lexa presented, she had a feeling she was okay with the name too.

She promised Lexa everything, not only peace. She was promising to spend the rest of her life with Lexa. To wake up next to her and be beside her every day. Share each and every passing moment they had with each other. Perhaps even have a family, when everything was over and they were safe.There wasn't a thing Clarke wouldn't do to keep that beautiful small smile on Lexa's lips.

She wasn't sure how long forever really was, or how long it would last. But Clarke didn't care. She wanted to spend the rest of forever with the woman who's green gaze spoke a thousand words, and who's actions showed her heart- not her head. The woman who died for her, and the woman who came back for her.

"I love you, Lexa"

Resting her forehead against Clarke's, the brunette replied "I always will love you, Clarke"

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They had arrived to camp long ago, and Clarke was baffled when Lexa was nowhere to be seen. Even the training grounds were completely devoid of a certain broody commander. Of course, the blonde's worry had only increased after Abby's latest discoveries with Lexa's health, and it terrified her to think that Lexa could be in danger at any point with her rapidly changing blood.

She continued on her adventures, falling into a faster stride as her thoughts got the better of her. What if something happened to her again? What if they were too late to help her? Nobody had mentioned Lexa's predicament with her blood since it was first revealed, and they most certainly hadn't discussed what they planned to do about it. There was no way Lexa would voluntarily take blood from the mount weather blood storage facilities. Especially when the blood had once belonged to her own people.

Clarke couldn't blame her, though. If she were stood in Lexa's shoes, there would be no chance in hell she would take the blood. But this was Lexa. She had already lost her once, and losing her again... permanently this time, would destroy her. The fact that Lexa was at risk was already tearing her apart.

She paused in the doorway of the infirmary, finding the familiar girl perched on the edge on an examination table, legs swinging as she gripped the edges and stared at her feet. Her shirt had been removed, folded neatly on the table beside her, exposing her body. Clarke's heart still ached at the sight of the scar at the centre of her stomach.

"What's going on?" Clarke asked hesitantly as she grew closer to her mother who stood behind her lover. Lexa avoided the blonde's gaze, glancing over her shoulder to Abby. Clarke didn't need to see her eyes to know that she was looking for help from the older woman.

"Clarke maybe you should come back later? I'm just checking Lexa over, then I'll let her go." Abby said, drawing on a sweet but face smile. Clarke tilted her head suspiciously.

"What's going on?" She repeated. When her mother's only response was a sigh, the worry in her only increased, and she quickly approached her. However, when she rounded the table to speak with her mother, her eyes suddenly found what she was examining; she discovered why Lexa was really there. She drew in a shaky breath, and took a step back to take in the drastic changes of Lexa's skin.

The once small and pixilated marks surrounding the tattooed scar onLexa's neck had spread. The digital vine-like patterns appeared to have crawled down the skin of Lexa's back, overlapping the graceful tattoo which lay above her spine. The bluish discolour of them stood out as an unwelcome contrast to the brunette's tan skin.

"Oh my god..." she whispered. She reached out, fingertips carefully tracing the tattoo which was quickly disappearing amongst the marks of Lexa's illness. The still strong muscle leapt below her fingers at the contact, as Lexa almost jerked away the blonde, who quickly retracted her hand "does it hurt?"

The silence that followed answered her question for her. She turned to Abby "She's hurting. Isn't she?"

"She says it doesn't. However I think it does. Such engravings like that can't just be engraved without it hurting." Abby explained, watching as Lexa shuffled on the table.

Lexa was hurting. No matter how much the closed-off girl denied it, it was evidently true. She was suffering with something that was out of the blonde's control. She refused to take the blood- refused to help herself. But Clarke was determined to help her.

"May I put my shirt back on, Dr Griffin?" Lexa still stayed staring ahead, as if afraid of eye contact with either of the Griffin women.

"Yes, you can put it back on now Lexa. We're just about done here." Abby said, voice tight.

Lexa just nodded, gently sliding the fabric over her back to hide the imperfections of her skin. Bile rose in Clarke's throat as she watched the girl she loved attempt to conceal the pain she was feeling. She ground her teeth together until her jaw felt numb, and clenched her fists, nails digging into her palm until they drew blood.

"Mom, we need to talk." She said quietly "You can go now, Lexa. I'll talk to you tonight, okay?"

Yet again, Lexa only nodded, and left without a word. Her actions, although understandable, enraged her. She spun on her heels to look directly at Abby, who stared back at her with a look that Clarke could only describe as pity "Clarke... you know there's nothing we can do about this. Right? This thing..." Abby sighed and shook her head "The thing that brought her back? It's killing her. She won't take the blood. Whenever I mention it to her, she ignores my suggestions. It's the only way. Today was her third seizure. I'm not sure how many times I can help her through them."

Clarke ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it from her face. She had a plan. A horrible plan."I know. Mom... I have an idea. It's... it's the only solution I have to this. Lexa refuses to help herself, and there's no way I'm losing her again. She won't like it, she might even hate me for it, but it's our only way."

Abby shifted to rest her weight on one foot as she looked down on her daughter, who was clearly planning something "What are you thinking, Clarke?"

"I'm thinking that we're going to have to stop Lexa from killing herself." She sat on the table where Lexa once sat, the spot still warm from Lexa's presence. No. She was never in a hundred years going to allow Lexa to waste away. She wasn't going to lose her again "We need to talk to Luna."


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm not mad at you, Lexa" Clarke said softly as she propped herself up on her shoulder to lean over the other girl in her bed.

Lexa had spent the entire night ignoring Clarke, already knowing what she would want to talk about. She also knew all too well that Clarke was angry at her for keeping so much from her. So when Clarke came in late at night after a long discussion with Luna and her mother as well as Bellamy, the brunette simply rolled over in their bed to give Clarke more space than she could ever need, and buried herself amongst the sheets. When Clarke had tried to start a conversation with her, she had pretended to be asleep, even when both women knew all too well that she was in fact wide awake.

Lexa furrowed her brows, still refusing to meet Clarke's eyes. It was obvious that she didn't believe Clarke in the slightest, and didn't have any intention of talking to her any time soon. Clarke knew that it was the guilt making her decisions.

So pushed herself back into her pillow, watching Lexa's heavy breaths from behind. She could see the marks on her back, bold and dark against her skin; they were the only reason Clarke was refraining from cuddling into the other woman. She was terrified of hurting her.

For what must have been the 100th time, she lifted her hand and allowed her fingertips to trace the discoloured skin. Lexa still tensed at the motion, and Clarke couldn't blame her. But every now and then. She had to reach out, feel it for herself, remind herself it was real. Remind herself why she has came up with a plan that would probably destroy their relationship, and burn every single ounce of hard-earned trust Clarke had from Lexa.

"Listen, just for a moment. Please." Clarke whispered softly. There was no reaction from Lexa, no sign to prove that she was listening, but she continued on anyways, blabbering her lies in order to save the woman she loved "We can't fix this, but we can delay it. My mother says that Luna reached out to her, and offered to help. She was willing to give you some of her blood and keep you well enough to keep going a little longer. It won't hurt her at all, and she gave her full consent to help you, Lexa."

Lexa shifted, ever so slightly tilting her head. It told Clarke all she needed to know: she was listening.

"I love you. I love you so much." Clarke let out a shaky breath "I only just got you back. I want to keep you here with me for as long as I can... I don't think I'm ready to lose you again, Lex."

At a single nickname, Clarke had Lexa's attention, and she shifted once again. The guilt she felt in her stomach screamed at her to stop her lies, and leave Lexa alone. But she wouldn't. She couldn't.

"I just want as much time as I can get with you, Lex" she said as softly as she could. She knew the name was tugging on Lexa's heart strings, every single word that came out of Clarke's mouth aimed to trick and manipulate. The blonde hated it.

The brunette's head turned, and finally she broke the silence that she had deliberately set between them "Okay" she whispered. At the lone and single word, Clarke was unsure whether to hate herself, or feel relieved. The tear that slowly rolled down her cheek burned, as if she was crying guilt itself, and was quickly swept away by Lexa's thumb.

"Can we do it now?" Clarke asked, the sudden urgency to help Lexa looking suspicious to the other girl "Just so it's over with, you know? I don't want you to change your mind later on. Please?"

She was begging the brunette; she was close to dropping to her knees and begging that way. She needed Lexa to agree, so her plan would work. So her mother, Bellamy and Luna can help her fix Lexa's undeserved problem.

Even as Lexa relented to her, there was still an overwhelming level of culpability coursing through Clarke's blood. But she ignored it, forcing a fake smile to curve her lips as she reached a hand out to Lexa, pulling her closer and wrapping her arms around the weakening frame of her body.

She was still strong. She still had every powerful muscle which would tense at the touch of Clarke's fingertips, then relax soon after. It was a reflex- a fight or flight system built into the girl at a young age, no doubt by her mentor. Her cloistered thoughts almost always had to be pried away from her beautiful mind every night by the blonde, just so she could sleep. Yet Clarke had came to accept the small things like that, and even went so far as to welcome or perhaps even prefer her that way. Because it was so Lexa.

And Lexa was everything she ever wanted.

So she locked her fingers around Lexa's hand, and ever so gently tugged her to the infirmary. She was nervous. Afraid. Self-loathing. But still, she kept taking one step then another towards the event she had planned, which could either go horribly wrong, or even more horribly well.

The door clicked shut behind them, and Lexa let go of Clarke's hand as her green eyes immediately landed on Abby. The blonde could tell that Lexa was beyond suspicious by now; she was searching for something- anythingthat was a sign of Clarke's betrayal.

Luna was perched on a bend across from them. There were no punctured sites on her skin where the blood had been removed. There were no vials of dark blood awaiting Lexa. And as things slowly started to fall in line for Lexa, she turned to Clarke.

"No" she said firmly, fists clenched tightly, knuckles turning white "You cannot trick me into taking another Natblida's blood. I will not steal the blood of my people, Clarke."

Her words forced Clarke's lips into a thin line as she frowned up at the taller woman. This was the reaction that both she and Luna expected. A reluctant and stubborn reaction. A quiet click from the door signalled that the door had been locked from the outside- which was the doing of Raven Reyes... another person involved in her schemes.

Lexa's eyes flicked to the door, then back to Clarke as Abby spoke up. "Lexa, we need to help you" she said slowly, voice soft as if attempting not to provoke her "and there are two ways we can do that. With you being helpful and letting us do this, or you being unhelpful, which will still end in the same result of your treatment."

"I will not allow this" Lexa spoke. Her face was emotionless, her voice plain and commanding. But Clarke saw through every layer, and through every mask. Lexa was afraid.

Luna stood, eyes trained on Lexa with one goal: restrain the commander, allow abby to inject her with a sedative. Which was, as a matter of fact, easier said than done. Lexa was a warrior, and Clarke knew she'd rather be beaten bloody and go down with a fight than go voluntarily.

Lexa was flawless in her fighting techniques, hence why she couldn't let Luna face her anger alone. Bellamy stood, unnoticed, in the corner of the infirmary, looking just as ready to pounce as the other two women. Abby stood ready, sedative in hand.

Clarke could hardly even bring herself to watch the betrayal which she had planned herself.

Yes. She was about to force Lexa, against her will, to undergo a blood transfusion from the night blood of a victim of mount weather. She could feel the burning hole in her heart as Lexa prepared to fight her way out of the treatment, fists clenched and her eyes trained on her opponent.

"Lexa. We don't need to fight over this. Please, you're a sister to me." Luna said as she slowly approached the other brunette "none of us can go through what we went through for the past years. Clarke can't, I can't... our people can't."

"You're not my sister." Lexa replied coldly.

At that, Luna lowered her fists, eyes reflecting the hurt she was no doubt feeling at Lexa's words. Then something changed, and her fists were raised once again, brow furrowed as she glared at Lexa.

"And what would Anya think? Remember what she had taught us? She said that the dead are gone, and the living are hungry. Don't you remember that?" She said through gritted teeth as she approached "the dead are gone, and you're starving"

"Anya no longer has a place in my actions." Lexa countered. She didn't stand down from Luna, and watched as she neared her.

"You lost Costia, Lexa. That pain you felt? The pain that left you begging the spirits to lay you to rest? Or the pain that left you tossing and screaming with nightmares each night? Clarke felt that too... don't make her go through it a second time, Lexa"

Clarke lifted her head to gaze at Lexa, Luna's comments buying the attention she so desperately wanted to redirect. When she met Lexa, she looked strong, impenetrable. Every thing she did, proved it. And yet at night, the pain of loss ruined her. She saw Lexa'a defence falter at the mention of Clarke's pain.

The blonde wanted to reach for Lexa, cry out for all of this stop and wrap her arms around the girl she loved oh so much. But she didn't. She couldn't. She saw Luna pick up on Lexa's distracted state, and move to strike.

She charged forward, tackling Lexa and sending them both stumbling to the ground. They both rolled, wresting against each other's strength, not having the heart to throw a punch or a kick at the other woman. Bellamy took his chance to help Luna, trying to grab onto Lexa's arms to hold her down.

He however, received much more violence than Luna. Lexa kicked out of Luna's grasp and brought her fist to Bellamy's face. It sent him crashing over a table, medical equipment crashing as he replaced them on it's surface. Luna tugged forcefully at Lexa's leg, pulling her back down onto the floor.

Clarke winced as she landed on her back, and Lexa cried out.

Taking the sedative from her mother's hands, Clarke finally raised her voice "Enough!" She yelled "Just stop it! Stop!"

Luna paused, looking up from where she half lay over Lexa's body. Bellamy poked his head from over the table to find Clarke. And Lexa... Lexa stared up at Clarke.

She stared with such unease in her eyes that Clarke almost fell apart then and there, in front of her closest people. She silently moved towards the two girls who lay still tangled on the floor from their scrap, and nudged Luna with the foot.

"Get off of her" she mumbled quietly.

"What? Clarke we need to-"

"I said get off!" Clarke raised her voice once again. Luna slowly released her hold on Lexa, and edged away from her. The brunette sat up, green eyes watching her suspiciously as she crouched down in front of her "Lexa... I love you so much."

Lexa's eyes softened at her words. The blonde's confessions of love were no longer rare. In fact, Clarke told Lexa just how much she meant to her every day. But every time she said it, they both knew it still felt new; it still gave them a rush they could never come near to describing. Lexa always responded to Clarke. Always.

"I love you too." She whispered back.

The others stood back and watched the scene play out in confusion. Scalpels and unused needles lay scattered across the floor, temporarily forgotten about given the circumstances they had found themselves in.

Clarke gently caressed the soft skin of Lexa's cheek "I'm sorry, Lexa." She whispered, eyes flicking to her lips for a split second before meaning her eyes again "I know how much you trusted me. I hate that I betrayed your trust like that."

"I did trust you" Lexa mumbled back. Clarke's heart almost shattered into a thousand pieces. Because in reality, this betrayal was far from over. The Syringe felt weighted in her hands.

She slowly slid her arms around Lexa'a neck to pull the girl into a hug. She felt familiar arms wrapping around her waist, still not trusting, but there none of the less. She took a deep breath, nuzzling her nose into Lexa's neck.

"I hope you can forgive me for this Lexa" she whispered.

Before Lexa could lift her head, or do anything to react, she drove the sharp point of the syringe into Lexa's back, pressing down on the plunger to release the sedative into her bloodstream.

She felt Lexa's body tense up in her arms, and she was quickly shoved away as Lexa stood. The brunette stumbled, knocking over a table in her struggle to fight the effects of her injection. Clarke sat on the floor. She bit her lip as tears welled up in her eyes.

The commander finally tripped over her own feet, landing on the floor in between two hospital beds.

The last thing she was of Lexa's green eyes before they disappeared behind closed eyelids, was the look of pure betrayal.

And Clarke hated it.


	11. Chapter 11

The jagged lines of which had swarmed Lexa's back had faded, the new blood curing her of those pixilated right angles. Clarke bit her nails anxiously as Abby pulled the sleeping brunette's shirt down, and carefully rolled her onto her back. Luna sat on the other side of the bed, hand millimetres away from Lexa's fingers as she stared at the girl.

The look of dread in her eyes only seemed to grow as each second passed like a minute; somewhere in the room, a clock slowly ticked its rhythm amongst the darkness. The candle light was tossed to and fro with the light breeze of Clarke's breaths as she leant against the bedside table of which the flame was rested on. She had insisted on lighting one- because Lexa still hated the dark, after all. The mess left behind by Lexa's struggle a few hours before hand had long since been cleaned up, the bent scalpels and shards of glass from broken syringes removed and binned immediately. The room appeared to be just how they found it.

Luna leant forward, resting her chin on her fist as she frowned "We were like sisters, you know?" She said. Even in her quiet voice, it was still a shocking contrast to the silence of the room "We never treated each other like anything less. Yes I had to be more formal with her when she became commander, but she was still Lexa. Still my little sister."

Clarke lifted her head from her arm, brushing back strands of blond from her eyes, to pay more attention to Luna. The wild haired brunette let out a heavy sigh.

"When I first met her, I must have been close to nine years old. She had just turned eight. She had just arrived in Polis... I remember seeing her mother drag her through the gates by her ear" Luna shook her head "Her family weren't bad people. They were proud that their daughter was a nightblood, and wanted to prove that she was the best nightblood of all clans."

Clarke smiled. They were certainly right about that.

"Anyways her mother passed when she was young. So did her father. She never talks about it much, but she still remembers it. She used to dream about her mother when she first arrived with Anya."

The blonde frowned at such a horrible thought. Lexa never had a family for that long. She never had a mother to teach her how to braid her hair or a father to teach her how to build a fire. She had no one.

"She slept on the bottom bunk. She was too short to reach the top, so I slept there instead." Luna chuckled "We trained together, and we spent most nights reflecting on it. We'd point out each other's flaws in our techniques. Soon the discussions switched when we met a girl. Her father was a blacksmith. Anya often bought our swords from him... he was a fantastic craftsman. His daughter was always at his stall with him. She never touched the weapons he sold, or helped him build them. As perplexing as it was, I had never seen her holding a weapon. She always had a notebook in hand."

"Costia" Clarke nodded.

"Yes. I had reached the age of 16 by the time we met her. Anya had began letting us go to the blacksmith ourselves to get things. When we showed up, she was there. She was balanced on the table, writing some notes, weaving cotton together to make a candle wick."

"So that's where Lexa's obsession came from, huh" Clarke and Luna chuckled with one another for a moment.

"Lexa sweated profusely that day. She blamed it on the heat. But the fact that she was a stuttering mess as soon as Costia began a conversation with her made me think otherwise."

"Was it really a warm day?" Clarke asked, a grin on her face.

"Of course not. The weather was miserable" Clarke laughed ever so slightly, and Luna continued "that night, we gave up talking about which punch hurt the most, or which arrow was the moist accurate. We spoke about us. Our real interests... everything. My love for the sea, her love for the forests."

Luna shifted in her seat to look at Lexa once again. Clarke could physically see the cogs turning back the time in her head.

"One night, she climbed up to my bunk. I had never seen the girl smile so wide or so bright in all the time that I knew her. That was the time she admitted to me that she was in love with Costia. Of course, I knew since the first day they spoke to each other that she liked her. But to hear it coming from Lexa's mouth, formed with Lexa's words? I had never been more proud."

"Lexa has never been one to use her words, has she? Even now, I have to pester her into sharing things with me."

"She never felt the need to. But when she spoke to me like it was the easiest thing to say..." Luna shook her head "That was the night I told her that she was my family. A sister. We promised we'd never betray one another, and always by each other's sides" she spoke quietly as she lit another candle at Lexa's other side "I betrayed her"

Luna's hands grew shaky as she stepped back away from the bed, eyes glued to her boots. She couldn't take looking at her supposed sister any longer. Clarke watched from her seat, eyes filled with sympathy "You did what you had to protect her. We all know that this was the right thing to do."

"What if she didn't want this, Clarke? What if it was finally her time? What if it was finally her time to be at peace with Costia?" Luna ran a palm down her face "I am going to get some water"

With that, the girl stood, and left. She followed her feet, allowing them to carry her out into the rough breeze of the outdoors. The darkness of the late night loomed across the woods, and she gritted her teeth as she proceeded. She walked until the souls of her feet burned, screaming for her to rest. She walked, until eventually, she stopped.

She settled in amongst the large and overgrown roots of a particularly old tree, feeling the bark scratch timidly against her back. Luna finally allowed her shoulders to hunch over, and she pressed her forehead to her knees as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Both of the girls had changed so much. Luna was turned into the coward who hid away from the wars and the battles. Lexa turned into the commander who lead those very wars and battles that she avoided. Her childhood best friend, her sister, the only family she had left, had lost all trust in her. She has disowned her.

Luna closed her eyes, and leant her head back against the trunk of the towering tree.

The conclave was nearing an end, and Luna was nothing but a mess. She scrambled between closely built buildings, dripping with the blood of both herself and her brother. Her sword faltered in her shaking grip as she rounded the corner. It was the final pairment. Luna against Lexa.

Her heart pounded as she ran faster, terrified of the events to come. She was closer to Lexa than she ever was with her brother, so how was she supposed to kill her? The thought of driving her sword through the girl's heart like she did with her sibling almost had her throwing up then and there. She collided with a shadow, nose slamming against a shoulder.

She retreated ever so slightly, sword pointed forward, eyes wild. That was, until she saw the girl in front of her. Standing tall, warpaint smudged around her eyes, power in her stance. Lexa was taller than her now, only by a few inches. She had grown into a leader, and Luna had grown into the coward.

Luna quickly lowered her blade and shook her head quickly. She couldn't will herself to do it. The woman in front of her, although transformed entirely, was still the same little girl she met when she was no older than eight years old. The same girl who sobbed on her shoulder when she took a beating in a fight. The same old sister that had so much trust in her.

"You know I can't do this, Lexa" Luna whispered shakily.

In response, Lexa reached out to steady her hands, a warmth in her eyes that almost lead Luna to tears. And then, Lexa grabbed her arm, and tugged her away.

"Lexa? What are you doing?" She said, stumbling blindly over objects concealed from the dark

"I'm getting you out of here, Luna. I shall not fight you. Not now, not ever."

A sob escaped her lips, and her hand shot out to swipe away the tears that were now flowing rapidly. Luna had relied on Lexa for years after the green eyed commander helped her escape from their conclave. She kept her hidden from the other clans, turning her into nothing but a legend of the nightblood that went missing.

It tore her apart that she couldn't be by her side whilst Lexa fought for her clans. She wanted to be there. Be there for her when she lost her beloved Costia, or when she formed the coalition, or when skaikru landed and Clarke captured her heart.

She still wanted to be there, and fight with her. She still wanted to be there when Lexa finally had the life she deserved, with a family and a lover. But she couldn't. Because her betrayal would never go unnoticed.

Her betrayal had ended their life-long companionship.

Lexa rested a head on Luna's shoulder and stretched out, legs almost reaching the length of the other girl's who lay beside her on the top bunk. The girls were worn down with training, and exhaustion was tugging them to sleep. Yet the two friends still surrendered time to have their nightly discussion.

"Do you think you'll ever have a family in the future, Luna?" The girl asked from beside her, green eyes wide and curious. Luna tilted her head to look down at her, eyebrow raised.

"I cannot see myself loving anyone in such a way to long for a family" Luna commented "You're the only family I need."

Lexa let out a small laugh from beside her "and your brother?"

"My brother is hardly worth what you are, Lexa"

There was a moment of silence before Lexa spoke once again, quieter this time, but still understandable.

"I might" the girl rolled on her back, a smile on her lips "in the future... I might."

_________________________

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Clarke allowed herself to lace her fingers with Lexa's once again. After all, it may just be the last time that she'll ever get to do it. She sighed deeply, pressing a light, loving kiss the the back of Lexa's hand. Her free hand reached to trace the unconscious woman's features, thumb softly tracing over Lexa's strong cheekbones, trailing down her beautifully defined jaw. The let herself lean over to brush a gentle kiss against the soft lips she could never stop loving and rested her forehead against Lexa's. It was another thing she knew she may never get to do again.

Lexa would never forgive her- that she knew. And if there was the slightest chance that somehow Lexa would forgive her, it would come with a lot of time and a lot of hard work and apologies on Clarke's behalf.

"Look at us" she whispered with a chuckle "We've been through some shit haven't we?"

The unconscious silence that she received gave her the confidence she needed to power on and speak her thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, Lex. I know you trusted me." She whispered glumly and shuffled closer to the bedside just to feel closer to the brunette. She tugged the blankets further up over Lexa in case she wasn't warm enough "I love you so much. And... and if you don't forgive me.... I'll always be there for you. Because you're all I need. You're all I have. I wanted to grow old with you Lexa, I've already lost you once. There's no way I could do that again. Which is why I'd rather watch you live from afar than go through what I did again. You might never forgive me, Lex, for breaking your trust. For betraying you. But I need you." She paused to look down at their hands, brows turning down into a saddened frown "I need you."

The door clicked open, and Clarke glanced over her shoulder to see who it was. Abby entered slowly, eyes narrowed to see in the dim light. Behind her, she could just make out the silhouette of Raven.

"You should probably go get some rest, sweetheart. It's late, and she will probably be awake in the morning" Abby whispered softly as she approached.

"She's right, Clarke. You need rest. I'll look after Lexa for now, and make sure she's okay. I'll let you know if she wakes up." Raven added, a soft and supportive smile on her face.

Clarke nodded slowly and stood up. She was sluggishly slow in her actions, both the tiredness and emotions of the day coming to have a heavy effect on the blonde "thank you Raven" she whispered gratefully.

For the first time since Lexa had returned, her bed felt humongous. It felt so painfully empty. She had the relentless feeling that this was how it would feel from now on. She turned and buried her face in Lexa's pillow, stifling a sob.


	12. Chapter 12

When Lexa was awake, Clarke immediately rushed to see her. Yet she was stopped at the door by Bellamy, who only shook his head with a melancholic expression on his face. Luna was stood beside him, looking just as despondent.

"What?" Clarke looked between them "She's awake, right?"

Bellamy sighed "Clarke..."

She interrupted him quickly "No Bellamy, don't 'Clarke' me. Why won't you let me inside?"

Clarke reached for the handle of the infirmary, but Bellamy's hand locked tightly around her wrist "Clarke, I don't think you understand the problem here."

"Then why don't you just tell me?" She said through gritted teeth, her tone vicious.

"She attacked Bellamy, Clarke" Luna said from her position, propped up against the wall, legs splayed out in front of her. She looked lost- a puppet with no strings. Helpless.

Bellamy sighed "Look, she doesn't trust us. If either of you go in, I don't know what could happen. She's in there now, having tests to make sure her vitals are as normal as they should be."

"Is my mom in there with her?"

"Yes. But there's a couple of guards in there to make sure she's okay."

"She's not a prisoner you know, Bellamy" Clarke looked at her feet "They're treating her like she did something wrong. She didn't. We did. You can't blame her for being angry."

She took a deep breath and stared at the door for a moment. Her mind whirled, as she weighed her options. She could turn and walk away from Lexa or she could walk in and face her. She sighed and scratched her chin.

She knew first hand, that Lexa was a terror to face alone when she was angry; it was an experience she had from all those years ago when she first met her. But the fact was, Clarke would willingly admit that something told her she was safe- even when Lexa was sat so menacingly on her throne, dagger twirling between her fingers as if she was ready to launch it directly into her heart. Even when Lexa seemed so high, and Clarke seemed so low, she felt an undeniable sense of safety.

Clenched her fists and pushed past Bellamy, her shoulder roughly tossing him aside. She headed straight for the door.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Luna exclaimed.

Clarke ignored her, and swung the door open. Like Lexa always did, she held her head high. She looked proud- brave; on the side, she shook like a leaf in a hurricane. But all of her pretence suddenly fell, when she found two green eyes staring back at her.

Jasper fumbled quietly in the corner of the room, obviously also being treated by Abby. Clarke didn't have to look to know he was there. The sound of his music softly playing through his headphones gave her enough evidence of his presence.

Lexa's arm slowly lowered from where Abby was testing her blood pressure, an angry gaze fixed on Clarke. The blonde opened her mouth to speak, and nothing but silence replaced her words. The two women did nothing but stare at each other. Watching- waiting. Clarke hesitantly stepped forward, hands quivering as nerves overcame her. Lexa, however, took two long steps back, and her untrusting eyes never once left the girl in front of her.

It took Clarke no longer than a couple of short-lived seconds to see straight through Lexa's masked emotions. Like always, the brunette's eyes gave her away, and Clarke could read them like a book. She bit her lip as she watched the fear and hurt do nothing but grow in the glazed eyes of the woman she loved.

Guilt bubbled in her chest, forcing tears to her eyes which didn't quite spill over just yet. There must have been another way... right? A way that meant she didn't have to betray the girl who trusted her the most?

"Lex-"

"Leave, Clarke."

Her words stung, but she didn't leave, instead moving closer.

"Lexa, just let me explain-"

Lexa's tightly clenched jaw suddenly snapped open as she raised her voice "Explain what, Clarke?" She yelled angrily

Clarke tried once again to edge closer to Lexa "You know why I did it. I did it because I l-"

"I no longer care for your reasons, Clarke."

Abby ducked her head and busied herself with arranging her equipment, no doubt feeling caught between the argument. Jasper slid off the table, bandages in hand to take to the doctor. Abby took them with a small smile, and changed his bandages.

Clarke stood like a deer frozen in headlights. She took a step back again, feeling the heat of Lexa's rage burning all too near her.

"Lexa I didn't-"

"You betrayed my trust, Clarke!" Lexa hissed "You betrayed me!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke saw Jasper huff out a small laugh, and soon enough their attention was directed towards a lightly cackling younger boy.

"Y'know, you left her at mountain weather and made her kill my girlfriend" Jasper looked down at his iPod as he chose another song. Clarke turned to see Lexa's face fall at his words, and the brunette's hands tightened into well-formed fists ready to spring into action. Abby watched warily as he spoke, finally looking up "I guess, on the terms of betrayal, you guys are even now. Am I right, Commander?"

Eyes widened and hearts beats tripled as Lexa reacted. Guards jumped to Jaspers defence as she sent a kick directly to the centre of his chest, powerful thighs sending his body flying backwards. He collided with the wall behind him.

"Lexa!" Abby exclaimed, and her voice fell upon deaf ears as Lexa grasped the collar of Jaspers shirt, hitting him with a wave of harsh punches which would leave him battered black and blue no matter how much ice was applied.

Clarke quickly followed the guards who fought to pull her away from the boy, who was inevitably pinned between the enraged commander and the solid brick wall. Hands grasped at her arms, pulling and tugging. Lexa however, was relentless as she tore her arm from their grasp.

"Stop it!" Clarke fought her way through the huddle of guards, hands wrapping around Lexa's bicep to prevent her from landing any more punches on the now beaten and bloody Jasper "Lexa, stop it!"

What she wasn't expecting, though, was the level of defence Lexa reacted with. And before she knew it, an elbow snapped out to connect with Clarke's face.

There was the metallic taste that filled her mouth, heat following the flow of blood as it dripped down her chin. She lifted a hand to catch the ever-rolling drops from the large cut in her lip. The crimson pooled in her palm, but it wasn't the pain she felt. It was the shock.

Every movement in the room had seized, frozen at the scene. She lifted her eyes to see green staring back at her, equally as shocked as she felt. Lexa's grip loosened on Jaspers shirt, and the girl stepped away. From Jasper, from the guards, from Abby. From Clarke.

"Clarke-" she whispered. Another stumbling step backwards caused her to pause "Clarke I-"

This time, when the guards almost leapt to approach, she didn't fight back. She just stared at the blonde who sat on the floor, hands bathed in the blood that seeped from her mouth. She was forced to her knees, and the clicking sound of the cuffs echoed as they snapped around her wrists.

The gargled cackle that Jasper let out made her eyes snap towards him with full attention. And he continued to laugh, as if every punch he had received was a hilarious joke.

"There she is!" He gasped to catch his breath from his laughter "the real big scary Commander."

Lexa surged forward another time, the restrains of the handcuffs and forceful hands on her shoulders holding her down. Cattle prods snapped into action, and the guards dug the metal into her side.

The cry Lexa let out with the sudden amount of electricity entering her body had Clarke's heart breaking, even in the given circumstances. Lexa writhed to escape the pain, limbs twisting and turning in agony. As the electrified weapons retreated, Lexa almost entirely slumped into the arms of the guards, who tugged her limp body towards the door.

"Where are you taking her?" Abby asked.

Although she appeared to be almost terrified by the events that had just unfolded, and her worry for Clarke and her bloodied face was showing, it was obvious that she was still concerned for Lexa. The young leader had obviously grown in Abby's heart as another daughter- family.

"Somewhere where she can't harm anyone else. You can conduct regular medical check-ups in her cell, for the time being, under supervision of course. She is unstable Dr. Griffin." He crossed his arms casually, and Clarke watched over his shoulder as Lexa was tugged through the doorway, propped up against the two men, feet sluggishly moving in attempt to keep up with their pace.

"She's not unstable, she's upset. Anyone could understand that." Clarke wiped the blood on her face, glaring at the guard who clearly lacked a heart and soul "who are you to give orders anyways? Last time I checked, it was Octavia, my mother or I who gives orders. Not you. We are in charge of the guard."

"Wanheda-"

"Shut up!" She snapped, pushing past him to find something to stop the flow escaping from her cut "just make sure she's treated correctly and respectfully. She's still the commander"

He sighed and looked down at his blood spotted boots before shrugging, dragging a palm down the side of his face. Grumbling, he turned and followed Lexa down the hallways.

The small crowd of curious and worried people, both grounders and skaikru alike, watched in horror as the commander hardly even fought her way out of her restraints outside of the infirmary. There a brief moment where Lexa's eyes settled upon Luna's. Immediately, the floukru leader stepped back into the cover of the other people, staring down at her shoes with a shameful gaze.

Raven, who had recently joined Luna to wait outside, turned her head to see her girlfriend's moral distaste for herself, and immediately frowned. She gently lifted a hand to rub the small of her back soothingly, staring through the door at where Clarke attempted to stop her bleeding with a cloth that her mother supplied.

With a light kiss to Luna's temple and a promise to return, she wedged herself through the crowd of people, her leg brace occasionally creaking when it twisted to avoid the large bodies. She continued down the hallways, hand brushing the cool walls for support if she needed it. She stared ahead with a strong sense of determination as she approached the cells which no doubt held Lexa captive for the time being.

"You can't go in here" the guard outside stated with a monotone voice, staring down at Raven who all but raised an eyebrow at the other girl.

"Like hell I can't. Move your ass." She crossed her arms stubbornly. Her constant diligence to get inside to see Lexa almost took her by surprise... almost.

"I can't let you inside, Reyes. They're my orders" She said, running a hand through brunette curls.

Raven had seen the girl around before- she had been quite a fighter on missions that all but encouraged combat. Although she seemed nice enough, Raven didn't want to take her chances against her. And so, she sighed in defeat and turned on her heel.

"Alright, I'll go." She muttered. The girl frowned in pity.

"I'm sorry Reyes. I know she's your friend." She said.

Raven hummed in response as she began her hobble back to Luna. But just before she could hit her 6th step away from the door, Octavia rounded the corner, eyes ablaze.

"Let her in, Laura." She ordered, hand gripping the mechanic's shoulder and turning her back around towards the door. Raven's eyes immediately lit up as she passed Laura and into the cells.

"Thanks, O" Raven grinned, jamming her hands in her pockets "hey, don't you think she looks a little like Lexa? She could be related or something. Now wouldn't that be a plot twist?"

"Raven, Laura is skaikru. I doubt they are in any way related."

"But they look similar..."

"Raven. Stop it." Octavia interrupted "what are you doing here anyway?"

"I need to talk to Lexa." Raven said

"Really? I thought you wanted to have a chat with random prisoners of war." She said sarcastically

"I just wanted to see what's going on in her head, O." She said quietly "Everyone is clearly misunderstanding her. Hell, she just got electrocuted and shoved in a cage for god's sake. She doesn't trust anyone."

Octavia took a moment to watch the mechanic as she shifted from one foot to another. Unhooking the keys from their hanger on the wall, she tossed them towards Raven with a nod "Go talk to her. Just be careful. She's not the only person in those cells."

With a rapid spoken 'thank you' Raven rushed to unlock the doors and walk with a sense of urgency down past the cells, eyes searching for the certain green-eyed commander. She came to a halt at the very end of the long line of cells.

Each and every prisoner had clung to the bars, watching her walk, eager to escape their cages- practically like animals. But this one was dark, appearing empty, with no convict hanging off it's doors. She shifted closer, narrowing her eyes at a small shadow in the corner.

"Lexa?" She whispered quietly. There was a shuffle from inside the cell, before the shadow increased in size as its occupant stood.

"You shouldn't be here Raven." Came the response. Her voice was scratchy, damaged. It only increased the amount of worry Raven had, and she quickly fumbled with the keys to unlock the door.

"I'm coming in" she said.

When there were no protests from the commander, she jabbed the key into the lock, quickly turning it until she heard the tell-tale click before slipping inside and closing it behind her.

"You know, since I designed this place, you'd think they'd let me in more often." She mumbled as she squinted to see through the dark "where the hell are you?"

"I told you, you shouldn't have came here."

"Well, suck it up buttercup because I'm here." Raven straightened her back and placed her hands on hips as she followed the sound of Lexa's voice.

When she finally found the source, she let herself drop beside Lexa, stretching her legs out in front of her. She turned to the other girl, mouth wide open to begin her discussion. The words froze at the back of her throat.

Lexa stared down at the ground in front of her, hands clasped so tightly together it looked more than painful. Tears were slowly falling down her face, rolling over a fresh looking bruise which was just starting to turn purple.

"Hey" Raven whispered softly "Lexa what happened?"

The other brunette ducked her head, gravity doings it's job of pulling the tears further down her face until they dropped onto her hands which were slowly turning white.

"Lexa?"

"I swore to myself I'd never hurt her." Lexa lifted her head, jaw clenching tightly to hold back the emotion she felt "After what I did to her, after I left her at that mountain. I promised myself. And... I just. I spilled her blood like it was nothing."

Raven watched Lexa with a soft expression. This wasn't the commander she was seeing. It was the girl Clarke knew and loved more than anyone. She was just a person, just like Raven and everyone else.

It was a risk she felt the need to take and a need she wanted to take. She wanted to offer Lexa a small form of comfort that she'd offer to any person.

She hesitantly reached out, arm slowly sliding over Lexa's shoulders.

It was awkward with the girl being so much taller than her. At first, Lexa tensed at the action, and Raven was sure her life was nearing an end. But then she relaxed into the mechanic, who pulled her in closer to hold her with a small exhale of relief that was a lot louder than she expected. Lexa shifted closer, face now hidden in Raven's shoulder, body shaking as she quietly sobbed into her shirt.

Raven sat with her mouth agape, eyes wide. Surprised that she wasn't punched in the face, and even more surprised that Lexa took up her offer of comfort and trusted her enough to let loose the way she was doing now. She lifted a hand then dropped it back down, immediately dismissing her idea. But then she thought about it again, and raised her hand to run her fingers through Lexa's hair to offer more comfort. She lifted a brow at how soft it felt, and finally understood why Clarke was so obsessed with it. She gave it an awkward nod of approval, but then narrowed her eyes. Luna's hair was still nicer.

Another exhale of relief followed when she realised Lexa didn't snap at her. She was just a friend offering another friend solace in a difficult time.

"It was an accident, you know. She knows that." Raven said softly "and she loves you. That's why she did what she did. That's why Luna did what she did. They all love you, and would rather risk their relationship with you than risk your life."

"Raven" Lexa muttered

"What? I'm serious, Lexa, they love you. Are you doubting me?"

"No, Raven. Your hand..." Lexa grumbled, clearly not happy. It took Raven to realise that in the dark, she had reached for what she thought was Lexa's back. Which it wasn't her back, in fact it was far from being her back. It was Lexa's ass. Raven quickly retreated her hand.

"Oh." She said, voice thick with embarrassment "Sorry"

She heard Lexa scoff from her place in her shoulder.

"It's actually pretty firm... I thought it was your back. You got yourself a pretty firm ass right there-" Raven rambled, face bright red with embarrassment.

"Raven"

"Please don't tell Luna. Or Clarke. I meant don't tell her I touched your ass, I'm sure she already knows it's very firm..."

A small punch to her gut silenced her. It wasn't strong enough to hurt, but it was enough of a warning. Raven bit her tongue and rolled her eyes at herself before settling back into the silence that they had before.

Raven swore that if her day got any weirder, she'd accuse the kitchens of spiking her drinks.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke watched as Luna leaned over the table to refill her glass of water, the jug held tightly in her hand. They had been sat in the same room for an hour, waiting for Octavia and Abby to show up.

"Would you like a glass?" Luna questioned. Clarke lifted her knees, tucking them under her chin and shaking her head.

The door behind her clicked as it closed, and she glanced over her shoulder to see Octavia striding into the room. She settled into the chair on the other side of the table, staring across at Clarke in particular. There was a long stretch of silence before she finally spoke.

"We all know that Lexa doesn't mean any harm" Octavia began "but there are many people on our side who are viewing this as something different. She comes back, and she's hurting people. She beats Jasper bloody, she hurts you"

"But you can't b-"

"Blame her. Yes. We know, Clarke. But the simplicity of it is, that people are starting show a dislike towards Lexa."

Clarke rested her head on the table. She knew this would happen. At some point amongst her plans, her people would change their minds and as a result, her plan would fail. Chaos always erupted, and Clarke was sick of it.

"Look, Octavia. There's nothing that we can do about this. It's their choice who they trust and who they don't trust. But I still trust Lexa. She just needs some time to get herself back together again."

"Lexa is the softest thing I've ever met" Every one lifted there heads as Raven all but whispered in the doorway. She lifted a hand to wipe a lone tear from her cheek.

"What are you talking about, Raven?" Luna questioned

"I just went to see her. She's just a baby raccoon, Luna. She's all squidgy and soft on the inside." She said and dropped into the seat beside her girlfriend "I can't believe it."

Clarke frowned and tilted her head, playing with the empty cup in her hands. She could still feel the sting on her lip. Octavia gave Raven a confused look before continuing.

"I'm not going to release Lexa until people are more comfortable having her loose. I know we might be, but people are very uneasy about her right now."

"So what, you're going to keep her locked up in that cell until people finally agree to let her go? She'll never leave." Raven argued "has anyone been to see her? Like: at all?"

Slowly, people shook their heads.

"So I take it you don't know about the nice bruise she's sporting on her face. Do you know how it happened?" She was almost fuming now, defending the commander who received all too much punishment "Almost everyone in those cells are Ice nation or farm station. Who, by the way, have always held a disliking against the commander. They're at each other's throats as soon as the door opens. Where is she safer? Out here with us, or in there with them?"

Clarke shifted in her seat. Raven was right. Maybe if Lexa was out with the rest of them, she could perhaps be more safer than what she was locked away with her enemies. Clarke could keep her safe. Octavia sighed.

"For now, we keep her there. It's the best option. After a few days we can let her out when everything has died down." She said. There were nods of approval, but Raven sat with a foul taste on her tongue, shaking her head and glaring at them like vermin.

"I get that you're all scared" she muttered as she stood. She looked at Clarke "but I thought at least you'd be on her side for this."

Raven stormed out of the room, quickly followed by Luna, leaving Octavia and Clarke alone. The blonde slumped onto the table, head rested on her forearm as she let out a loud and frustrated sigh.

"Clarke-"

"Don't Octavia." Clarke halted whatever Octavia was about to say. She sat back up, running a hand through her hair "she's... she just needs help. Locking her away like that... she's not an animal, O. She's the commander. She belongs on her throne, not in some cell. Her home is Polis, not here. And she most certainly belongs on the front line, leading us. Not on the back line, hovering like she's nothing."

"What do you want me to do? Give her her swords and armour and send her off to fight?"

"I suggest you let her do what she does best." Clarke lifted an eyebrow

"Which is?"

"Be the commander"

Just as Octavia began to respond, there was a loud eruption of noise. It vibrated the halls, the walls, the floor. Screams shortly followed the sound, children sobbing.

"What the hell was that?" Octavia stood, the chair falling back from the momentum, and charged towards the door, Clarke on her heels.

The scent of smoke hit them hard, and Clarke had to cup a hand over her mouth, eyes beginning to water from the strong scent. Exchanging glances with Octavia, the both rushed from the room. She ran down the halls until she final found the damage that had been done.

There was a hole blown in the wall, rubble littering the ground and surrounding the bodies that lay. Pieces of metal were buried deep in the bodies, and concrete rocks were bathed in red. Blood stuck to the bottoms of her shoes, almost causing her to gag.

"Clarke!" Niylah rushed towards her "what's going on? What happened?"

Clarke glanced over the scene, eyes widening. It was a large explosion, yet it wasn't enough to fully hit anywhere important. If someone planned this attack, it would have been from the outside. If it was from the inside, they would have targeted somewhere more important. Which meant...

"They're not finished" Clarke whispered. She scanned the place around them, eyes setting on the children who stood, petrified "Niylah, gather all the kids you can, take them out of the far exit on the other side. They're planning more attacks. Go!"

Niylah scrambled over to the children, whispering soft and reassuring words as she grabbed their hands and led them away from the chaos. Clarke spun around and stumbled over the pieces of broken concrete, avoiding looking at the corpses that lay on the floor.

She had to find her friends, to make sure they were safe. And she had to get to Lexa. One wrongly placed explosion and the cells would be demolished, along with everyone in it. She picked up her pace with a new sense of urgency.

"Clarke, stop!" Octavia caught Clarke by her wrist, pulling them both to a stop. The blonde whirled around to stare at the red queen. "I know you want to find them all right away. But we need to think logically."

"What the hell are you talking about? They're in danger!"

"And so is everyone else! Come here." Octavia grabbed her arm and pulled her to the window "look out there." Clarke glared at her before turning to look outside.

Past her own reflection, and the walls of their base, Clarke could see the hundreds of warriors gathered, torches blazing, swords hungry for blood. She knew what this was- it was a warning. Lexa had sent them out many times herself. But this was slightly different. Instead of archers, gunmen lined the front line, watching down their scopes ready to take their shots. There were men and women clinging to launchers scattered across the grass not far from the rest of the army. It looked like Pike finally had enough with waiting... and came right to their door.

"Clarke, we need to prepare for this. Warn everyone, gather our guards and warriors and evacuate the innocent. We can't afford to waste our time on-"

Clarke shoved Octavia "don't finish that sentence" she hissed "Is Lincoln safe?"

"Yes"

"And what if he wasn't? What if he was sat right now bleeding to death from an explosion? What if-"

"We don't have time for this. Do what you want, but when it comes to leading your people, I'll be the one doing it. I'm going to gather our forces. You choose what you want to do, Clarke."

Octavia pushed past the blonde, ripping out her swords from their sheathes as she disappeared down the hallways. She cursed to herself, torn between a rock and a hard place. She shifted from one foot to another, weighing her options before glancing once more out of the window. Octavia was already outside, gathering warriors to fight against the every growing army on the opposite side of their walls.

With a long lasting groan, she sprinted towards her room, swinging open the door in search for her rifle. Immediately, like a deer in bright headlights, she froze.

The scent of the forest meandered around her nose, joined by something sweet and so conspicuously Lexa. Her collection of sketches had been upturned, clearly viewed by someone before she had arrived. Frowning, she looked across the room.

Lexa's swords and armour had vanished.

"Shit" Clarke cursed again, slinging her rifle over her shoulder. Not only had Lexa's equipment been stolen, but Clarke was abandoning Lexa herself to dive head first into a battle. She hesitated. This was a battle that Lexa could fall victim to whilst trapped inside the cells that Raven had so expertly made.

Footsteps approached, and she turned to see Bellamy in the doorway, sweat rolling down the sides of his face, his hair thick and damp from the moisture. The thunder of more detonations rumbled through the corridors, and they both ducked on instincts.

"Bellamy? What are still doing in here?" Clarke questioned

"Not now! We have to go" he said. His eyes flicked towards the sketches, before landing back on Clarke "now!"

Gripping the strap of her rifle, she followed Bellamy outside, occasionally ducking and stumbling away as rubble burst through the walls. She could only hope that Lexa was safe in her cell, far away from any explosions. Her heart almost melted as the scent of the forest was overlapped by smoke and dust. She froze up at the thought of losing Lexa again. Bellamy turned to her, brows furrowed as he grabbed her arm and pulled her with him.

"When they started with the explosives, I slipped away" he explained "I came inside to find whoever I could to help them out"

Clarke waited for a moment before asking "did you find anyone?"

He glanced at her "only you"

She immediately stood a little taller as the cold air of the outdoors hit her- a habit she had picked up from the commander herself years ago. With a deep breath, she made her way to Octavia's side, trading a side glance with her which spoke of understanding.

"They've already came to the gate." Octavia informed her

"And?"

"And I had two bullets put in their heads before they could threaten our people." At Clarke's shocked face, she frowned "was I not supposed to do that?"

Clarke almost scoffed "You're supposed to find out why there's a giant army at our doorstep before you blow the messenger's brains out, Octavia. That's an act of war in itself, which is only encouraging them to come and slaughter our people." She said.

She watched a man with dark, uncut hair and an over-grown beard toss the launcher back up onto his shoulder, aiming through his sight. Slowly, one by one, his comrades began to follow his actions. Clarke turned to Octavia, who met her with the same wide eyes reflecting back at her. The other girls mouth fell open, and she spun on her heels, so quickly it surely would have burnt a hole in the ground if Clarke took her time to check. Octavia barked orders at their own people, pointing directly at the army that stood outside their walls.

But Clarke wasn't listening to her. She wasn't listening to the plans Octavia tossed out, or paying any attentions to the small shoves she received on her shoulder in attempt to grasp her attention long enough to inform her. She was only paying attention to the small explosive rocket as it launched from the heavy bearded man's hands.

It shot from the wide chamber with such recoil, he almost leapt back unintentionally from the power. The air rippled as the flames of the rocket launched hot air into the sky, mixing with the cool air which at some point, under different circumstances, Clarke would have called the sight a beautiful example of science and chemistry. Behind it, billows of thick, heated smoke traced its path.

She followed it with her eyes, hands clenching with fear. What if it hit a part of the building that still held people inside? What if it killed more innocent people? Her eyebrows furrowed. That would be another couple of hundred to add to her list of millions who die in front of her eyes.

The round tip of the rocket collided with a radio mast that Raven had built at least two years ago. At first contact, the explosive shattered into flames as it's destructive nature did its job, blowing a hole in Raven's communications tower. The ground shook, and people around her let out cries of shock. Clarke sighed in relief, her shoulders slackening as, for now, the death toll remained low. But then-

Her breath hitched as an awfully painful creak echoed through her ears, and she squinted against the light to look back up at the tower. Pieces of metal began to break away, the tall mast twisted and turned, teetering as it slowly grew less and less stable. The lightest tap would not doubt cause it to collapse. She held her breath as if even that would tip it over the edge.

But even with her strongest efforts to keep herself from breathing, the tower lost its balance anyway, and inevitably came crashing down. At first, Clarke thought it was going to fall somewhere safe, like the cafeteria which was no doubt empty by now. But then it's direction changed. Electricity bolted from its torn cables as it fell, wind whistling around the metal until it landed amongst the building, tearing down walls and ceilings. Clarke clapped her hand over her mouth.

It had landed directly atop of the infirmary.

"Mom..." she whispered. The ceiling slowly began to collapse- a domino effect throughout the building, no doubt caving in on the makeshift jail "no..."

Was her mom still inside? Had Lexa managed to escape her cell in time?

"Clarke, look out!"

A large, strong body collided with her, tackling her to the ground. She struggled against it, ready to fight with every breath she had. An explosion shook the ground not far from where she had stood, and she looked up to meet Lincolns gentle brown eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently.

She pushed on his chest to get him to back away, and stood up. She found her rifle on the floor, buried amongst the rubble, and lifted it. She stormed forwards with every vein in her body pulsating with anger. She could almost see her vision clouding with red.

Pike took many people from her life. Her people. He murdered Lexa whilst trying to kill her. He destroyed people like they were nothing more than ants that deserved to be stepped on. She was lucky enough to get Lexa back. But what if he had taken her from her again? What if when she returned, she'd find her mother buried amongst the rubble, lifeless? Pike had caused them all suffering for way too long. Clarke decided there and then that she had had enough; She was finally turning the tables.

"I want him fucking dead" she growled under her breath, lifting her rifle.


	14. Chapter 14

Lexa paced back and forth in her cell, driven to borderline insane at the sounds from the outside world. Those in the cells around her yelled and cheered at the top of their lungs, tugging on the bars with devilish grins on their faces. They howled their murderous intentions at Lexa like she was a piece of meat.

She growled, pushing their threats to the back of her mind as she turned her focus to the window just outside her cell. From her angle, the wasn't a thing she could see outside the glass other than sky. She clenched her teeth and grabbed the cell bars, wedging her foot between them to rest on the door handle. She pulled herself up, gripping the metal tightly incase she fell. She narrowed her eyes at the window.

Outside she could see the army, stretching miles across the land in front of the walls. She could see Pike stood at the back, mounted on a horse that looked far too old for combat. It seemed like Pike wasn't planning to get his hands dirty. Lexa grunted and shook her head. Coward.

She leant as far as she could with the bars restricting her. Octavia was there, stood proudly amongst her people, hands on her hips as she watched the army on the other side of the wall, Lincoln stood beside her. Then she saw the blonde head of hair. Clarke strode directly towards Octavia, back straight as a pole and eyes determined. Pride swelled in Lexa's chest.

She directed her attention back to the room she was in as the shouts grew louder. Turning her head, she watched a guard jog into the room, straight through until she reached Lexa. Her brown hair was messy and tousled from running, light green eyes wide as she stood in front of the commander's cell.

Lexa dropped to the ground, watching the girl carefully until her eyes landed on what she was holding. Lexa's swords were tucked under her arm, the other holding the armour tightly to her chest as she glanced around the room quickly.

"If I let you go, I'm going against the red queen's orders." She said hesitantly "But I trust you. And there's too many of them out there. They might not see it but I do. We need your help, commander."

Lexa stared at her, unsure of what to say to her.

"If I let you go you have to promise to help us." She added.

Lexa stepped back from the bars to give enough space to open the door "Clarke is out there" Lexa said then paused as laughs echoed from the other prisoners "I wouldn't promise anything else."

It seemed to be enough to convince her, and she jumped to unlock the door, keys clattering against the metal she worked "I'm Laura by the way. You don't know me but.. I'm more of a background character in this place."

"Everyone has a place to be. Yours is no different to mine." Lexa said as she stepped out. Savouring the moment of freedom, she stretched her arms out as wide as she could, feeling the tension in her muscles slowly fading.

The rumble of an explosion sent her head spinning in the direction of the window. Moving closer, she could just see the smoke off the tower. Lexa wasn't sure of what it was meant for, only that Raven had been boasting about it almost constantly every time she sat down to eat. She tilted her head as it seemed to grow larger.

She realised then that it wasn't growing larger. It was falling. She took a step back, then two, then more followed. She heard the thunderous crash not far from them, which only began to increase in volume. Lexa turned to Laura, grabbing her arm. She had experienced this with old ruins of ancient earth many times before. The building was collapsing.

"Run!" She yelled, shoving Laura ahead of her and towards the door.

Cracks began to spread on the ceiling, webs of danger sprinting across the concrete. Dust and pebbles dropped around their heads, foreshadowing what was about to happen next. The walls began to give up on themselves, hunching down as they broke into pieces. The cries from behind them told Lexa it was already too late for the prisoners.

"Keep going!" Lexa yelled, pulling her towards the door. At that moment, Lexa's armour slipped from her arms. Lexa almost reached for it, to pick it up and keep running. But her footsteps faltered as a wall collapsed on top of it. She heard the crunch of metal as it was destroyed below the concrete. The dust lifted from the ground and darted into her eyes, causing her to stumble back and continue to push Laura to the exit.

They both stumbled to the door, both gasping to take in the fresh air. Clouds of dust rolled from the doorway behind them, and then the building gave up completely. It caved in on itself, falling to the ground.

"Your armour... you sash... Commander I'm so sorry." Laura rushed to say, still in a state of shock. Lexa shook her head.

"Don't worry about that now. Do you have your gun?" Lexa asked, taking the swords from her.

Laura nodded and held out her palm containing the tin of Lexa's warpaint "I'm not sure how old this is now but... I thought you might want to use this."

Lexa's lips curved ever so slightly at the consideration. She reached for the tin "Thank you" she said.

Applying her warpaint, Lexa looked for Clarke. She watched as she pushed Lincoln away from her, face flush and body tense. She looked angry. She snatched her rifle from the ground and propped it against her shoulder, firing a shot that landed directly between the eyes of a gunman. Her bullets didn't seize, even as the army began to charge towards them, tearing down the walls to meet in the middle.

"I guess that's our queue to help them?" Laura raised an eyebrow at Lexa.

"Yes." Came the response. She reached across and gripped her forearm "Thank you for coming back for me, Laura"

The other brunette smiled "I mean... we could do with a little help here" she said then frowned "not that I wouldn't have came back for you if we didn't. That's not what I meant-"

"I know" Lexa cut her off. Glancing over her shoulder, she spotted the army breaking through the fences and walls, charging towards her people between rages of gunfire. She gave Laura one last respectful nod before taking off towards the thickness of the battle.

With all of Lexa's experience, the beginning of this battle in particular was much less bloody that most. Usually, at the very start of a battle, more blood is shed then than any other part. Warriors were more blood thirsty, they were more fuelled with energy. The first few men to collide with the opposing side almost always died instantly. So when she spotted Clarke stood at the very front, aiming down her scope at the oncoming warriors, her heart almost skipped a beat.

They were charging mercilessly, taking bullets to the chest and still continuing onwards. She pushed herself to run faster, dodging through flying arrows and bullets feeling lighter and more coordinated without her armour. She glanced down to jump over a body, lifting her head to look back to Clarke.

She grew closer, and before she knew it, she was colliding with warriors, swords slashing and tearing their blood from their bodies.

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Clarke growled into her scope, firing relentlessly at the men who ran towards her. They didn't seem to stop, even with several bullets buried deep into their bodies. She wondered what she had done to them for them to have such a will to kill her.

A bald but bearded man grew too close to her for comfort, and she aimed to take him down before he reached her. The trigger clicked, and no bullet came. She had to reload. He lifted his sword, screaming out his loud battle cry as she surged towards her. Clarke raised her gun in hope to somehow block his blow with it, and she squeezed her eyes closed to wait for the blow.

The slash of a sword came, but she felt no pain. She didn't feel like her insides were slowly leaking out. Slowly, she opened one eye, lowering the gun.

The man in front of her had a gash stretching across one side his neck to the other, blood pouring from the wound like a waterfall after a rainstorm. Clarke watched with her mouth agape as he dropped to his knees, hands trying stop the spilling blood. He slumped to the floor, lifeless.

She looked up to see one person taking on five others with ease. A warrior she knew too well. Lexa spun, swords acting as an extension of her own being, taking them down with ease, impaling them on her blades and using her boot to push them back off. Brunette braids spun and landed on her shoulders, powerful legs launching her at her enemies. Strong arms wielded her swords with slender fingers. It was beauty in its bloodiest form.

She looked back down to reload her rifle, a small smile on her face. And once again, Lexa saves Clarke from dying a painful death. They exchanged glances for only a few moments, before Lexa spun on her heels and tackled yet another warrior with a ferocious cry. Clarke's smile widened.

Yes, that was definitely the woman she loved.

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Lexa was surprised at the amount of fight her own side were putting up. She even saw Jasper screaming and chasing after two men with a butcher knife clasped in each hand.

At some point, she had ended up back to back with Octavia Blake, surrounded. She stood patiently, swords lowered at her sides as she watched them intently, waiting for them to strike. Those around them glanced at each other, as if daring the other to go first. Lexa nudged Octavia with her elbow ever so slightly in warning, as if to say 'now'. In that moment, one brave warrior took the risk and charged.

Lexa moved with wings on her boots, leaving any dust left behind from the rubble to flutter back down onto the ground.

She spun to meet his sword with both of her own crossed before her face. The clash of their blades sent shocking jolts through her arms- yet it was something she was very much ready for. She could tell as soon as metal touched metal that this poor man only had basic training, that he was nothing but a common guard on Pike's side. It seemed like Pike was sending in the weaker ones before he sent the more advanced.

Her opponent was much stronger, or rather he would have been, if he had learned how to balance his weight more equally during combat. She pushed him back with a single half-hearted shove.

She ground her teeth together as she eyed the others as she recovered. Behind her, she could hear Octavia's pants and shuffles as she probably did the same thing as Lexa at that time. As the man recovered, her eyes landed on a woman who gripped a weighted net in her hands. Weapons like them hadn't been used since the first war between Trikru and Azgeda. She tilted her head. It occurred to her that many Azgeda had sided with Pike, therefore surely they would have brought sacred war traditions back to life.

The woman with the net threw it towards her feet, blonde hair falling over her face. She grunted at the weight, scarred face contorting. Lexa jumped to dodge it, kicking up a cloud of dirt and dust as she skirted around a bronze spear point from a third warrior. Thankfully, Octavia had seen it too and moved before it had been impaled into her back.

Retracting his spear, he tried again this time lunging with more force. Lexa could only assume he was only slightly more well trained than the others, as the tip of his spear danced dangerously close to her side. She clapped it away with her sword, and his clumsy footwork caused the young man to stumble forward, tangling the head of his spear into the mess of a net which still lay on the floor.

War was in no way pretty, Lexa was already fully aware of that. But she still couldn't help but wince as she grasped his head and sent the butt of his spear barrelling through his eye socket. Her first opponent attempted to take advantage of her distraction by charging at her once again, this time whilst her back was turned.

"Lexa watch your back!" Octavia called over her shoulder as her sword collided with another.

Lexa could almost feel his sword's desperation to skewer her back, and the heavy thuds of his footwork. By the time he took a jab, she was already spinning away. She slashed at his bicep, drawing a yelp from his lips. He dropped to one knee, shielding his cut with fire in his eyes. The glint of a blade beside her head caused her to duck rapidly. The sharp edge slipped over her head, colliding with the side of the man's face.

Lexa turned on one knee to see the blonde woman stood, eyes wide at her mistake. She made yet another mistake as she dropped her sword in shock. But Lexa didn't make a move to attack her. She was defenceless, frightened, and Lexa still had enough compassion to know that it was in no way fair.

"I... oh god... what have I done?" the woman clapped a bloody hand over her mouth. Her eyes landed on Lexa "We... we didn't want this. He didn't want this, we didn't have a choice, you have to help u-"

The girl let out a loud, pained gasp as the tip of a sword jutted out of her stomach before disappearing again. Lexa's face slackened, and she fell to her feet. Behind her, Octavia stood, sword dripping with blood.

"Octavia, why did you do that?" Lexa almost roared as she stepped over the girl's body, the heel of her boot only just missing the fan of blonde hair which surrounded her head.

"I thought I was helping you" Octavia snapped, trodding directly over the girls hair, her poor head being tugged violently at the weight of her feet.

Lexa was going to chase after her, perhaps knock a sense into Octavia, yet the sound of Clarke's shouts caught her attention. She turned away from the red queen and to Clarke instead, who stood aiming down the scope of her graffitied rifle, yelling reassurances in a direction. Lexa followed her line of sight, brows furrowed until she spotted Jasper.

The boy had now completely lost his knives, and stood with nothing but a small arrowhead to defend himself from the several warriors who surrounded him. Lexa felt a knot in her stomach tightened as she thought back to what she did to him after seeing his black and blue face. Jasper wrestled against a man twice his size, both fighting for stability away from the cliffs edge. The warrior he was against seemed to determined to toss him into the abyss below.

"Octavia, follow me. We must help Jasper" Lexa said firmly, swiping her swords together to remove the thick of the blood. When Octavia nodded, Lexa took off.

Her feet pounded into the dirt and she grunted to move faster. It was strange how much Lexa felt out of shape in this battle. Her eyes widened as she saw Jaspers foot slip over the edge.

"Clarke!" Lexa yelled in hope to grab the blonde's attention. She did. "Hit him! Hit him now!"

Clarke's face twisted in confusion before she finally understood. Her mouth took the shape of an 'o' at her realisation, and aimed down the scope.Lexa swung her blades low, cutting into a leg of a warrior on either side of her as she ran past.

She saw the flash of the bullet and spray of blood, signifying that Clarke had hit her target. The man Jasper had been fighting froze up, glancing down at the blood slowly creeping across his shirt at the centre of his chest. His knees buckled and he began to fall, but not with out taking Jasper with him. His hand locked around his shoulder.

Jaspers shrieks signified that he had lost his balance. Lexa sprinted, dropping her swords as she dove forward into the dirt. The light, almost powder-like, earth carried her forward further than she had hoped. And she found herself approaching the edge all too fast.

She reached to grab Jaspers wrist, her fingers locking tightly, not once loosening. Even when she felt herself join Jasper in tipping over the edge. She reached up quickly, digging her fingers into the stone of the cliff edge with a loud cry. Her finger nails scratched into the rocks as they slowly slipped.

She looked over her shoulder, down at Jasper who reached up to hold onto her arm. He let out a frustrated yell at the man who hung behind him, arm locked around his neck. Lexa grunted loudly as he shifted to hold tighter onto Jasper. There was only so much weight Lexa could hold whilst hanging off a cliff face. And she was already far over her limit.

"Lexa!" He yelped "You have to let go! I can't... he won't let go! If I fight him we'll all fall. If you let me go..."

"No!" Lexa hissed. Above her, she could hear Clarke shout out her name in fear.

"Clarke needs you, Lexa." He paused "Nobody needs me. All I do is piss people off, and hurt them. Just... just let me go. I was going to do this myself anyways..."

"No!" Lexa yelled louder. She growled loudly and kicked at the man's head who held onto Jasper. She quickly froze, though, when she felt her fingers slip further at the movement.

Clarke's face peeked over the edge, along with Octavia's. Lexa immediately felt a sense of relief at the sight of blue eyes staring down at her, even if they were clouded with worry... and helplessness.

Octavia' foot loosened a small rock from the edge, which came tumbling towards Lexa. She ducked her head to avoid it hitting her in the eye, and instead, it clattered against her forehead.

"Ow" Lexa grunted.

She felt a small droplet of blood roll down the side of her face, forming more moisture on her face. Her warpaint dripping from her cheeks with her sweat.

She made an internal note to have Raven conjure a better and more waterproof warpaint. She frowned to herself as she delved deeper into her thoughts. If it was waterproof how could she wash it off?

Her hand slipped to the point where she was holding onto the edge with nothing but her fingertips. Clarke jumped into action and leant down, grasping onto Lexa's forearm.

Jasper grunted from below, the arm around his neck tightening at the movement. Lexa looked up at Octavia, ready to order her to put a bullet in his head, when bullet soared past her ear.

All heads, apart from the with a bullet hole in its forehead, turned in the direction of its source. Laura stood with Clarke's rifle in her hand, eye pressed to the scope. Lexa could have almost cried with happiness as the body dropped, and the weight she was holding onto decreased excessively.

"Octavia. I'm going to swing Jasper to you, can you get him?" Lexa asked. With Octavia's nod, she looked up at Clarke for approval, who also nodded "okay" she whispered, more to herself than anyone else "Jasper in going to need you to grab onto Octavia okay?"

"Okay" he said quietly.

Lexa looked down for a split second, and could only just see the raging water below them, crashing against the sides of the cliff. If Jasper fell, he would be snatched up by the strength of the waves and be carried into the sharp jagged rocks below the surface.

She gripped him tighter, and slowly began to swing him, whichever as hardly enough to get him to Octavia. She shifted her weight from side to side, swinging her legs with Jasper to get more momentum. She heard a small grunt from Clarke, and lifted her eyes to the blonde. Her face was almost red at the weight, and her knees slowly slid towards the edge, the dirt almost carrying her there.

"Laura, hold onto Clarke!" Lexa ordered. Immediately, the other brunette panicked.

"But... I..."

"Just do it! Now!" Lexa snapped, the sight of her girlfriend almost falling with her beginning to break her heart.

Immediately, Laura obeyed, and rushed to grab onto Clarke. With both their strength, they were more stable, and Lexa began to swing Jasper again.Not soon after, Octavia managed to reach down far enough to get a hold on Jasper. She pulled him to safety.

With her free hand, Lexa was then able to reach for Clarke's other hand, and with Laura's help, she was yanked from the edge and onto solid ground with a little bit too much strength. Lexa's body then gave out with next to no strength left in her arms. She lay sprawled out on her back, head dropping onto the ground bellow her to catch her breath.

"Jok, dei de bash op. Ai laik nou as yuj as ai don ste." (Fuck, that hurt. I am not as strong as I was)

Clarke rushed towards her, ignoring Lexa's complaints about herself. She bent down and pressed her lips roughly to Lexa's, her hand on her cheek. As soon as Lexa's hand came up to rest on her waist, Clarke pulled away. Before Lexa could even do so much as frown, her hand collided with the side of her face in a hard slap.

"Ah! What was that for?" She exclaimed, sitting up in shock. She could feel the harsh tingle left behind on her skin, no doubt forming a red mark. She cupped her cheek.

"That's for almost dying again, you idiot!" Clarke slapped at her arm, and Lexa was on her feet, backing away from the angry and very confusing blonde.

"Clarke what-"

Clarke cut her off with a kiss "and that's for being alive"

Lexa exchanged looks with those around her, who looked as equally confused "Clarke can we do this later? We're still in the middle of a b- ah!"

Clarke slapped Lexa again

"Clarke! And that was for?"

The blonde shrugged, a small smile on her lips "I felt like it."

Lexa grumbled to herself, bending down to pick up her swords when she felt a small peck on her cheek.

"Okay, I'm sorry" Clarke said softly as Lexa sheathed her swords "You're just infuriating"

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at her "Speak for yourself, Clarke" she said. She was actually quite proud of herself for the response, after listening to Raven and Octavia witter on for hours, she managed to learn a skaikru saying or two amongst the havoc.

"We're talking later" Clarke informed her before picking up her gun

"I am aware"

"Hey... uh, Lexa?" Jasper said quietly. The brunette turned to see him looking rather shy, head slightly lowered.

"Yes, Jasper?"

"I just want to say... uh... thanks. You could have let me fall. I know I deserved it, especially after the other day. And well, after everything. Thank you for not letting me die." He said, the awkwardly shot his arm out. Lexa smiled a small smile and grasped his arm.

"I apologise too, Jasper." She said.

With a nod to one another, Lexa unsheathed her swords, testing them out on her sore arms. Cracking the sore bone in her neck she took a deep breath examining the war that took place beside them, completely oblivious to what was occurring on the side lines.

Lexa narrowed her eyes, and stormed straight into the heat of the battle. Again.


	15. Chapter 15

Clarke squinted against the low sun as she aimed down her sight to magnify to distance. The battle had stretched out for hours, with like sending line after line of warriors like they were the levels of a video game. But when no more waves came, Clarke grew curious.

Down her scope, she could see Pike barking orders at a poor boy that looked as if his voice had only just dropped, the small fuzz on his upper lip providing Clarke with more evidence of his youth. The boy seemed to flinch slightly before nodding his head violently. He spun around, and ran down line after line, calling something out to the warriors who had been waiting their turn all day.

The poor boy looked dangerously near to a heart attack by the time he reached the front line, and he bent down to rest his hands on his knees. He huffed and puffed as the warriors behind him slowly turned, retreating back towards Polis, leaving their last warriors to fight alone. His head prepped up as he realised that everyone had left him behind, and he took off running to catch up with them. Clarke lowered her gun with one eyebrow firmly raised higher than the other.

After the incident at the cliff, and the fighting continued, Clarke had found herself a nice advantage point amongst the rubble which gave her cover as well as higher ground to snipe from. Sinfully, though, she found herself more often than not watching Lexa than actually shooting.

This was one of those moments. Again. She looked down the sight to watch Lexa, who took on a man with too much armour for his own good. This appeared to prove as a hassle for both him and Lexa. Another stepped up to challenge her along with 'the big metal man' as Clarke had decided to call him from the time being.

Clarke watched, the corner of her mouth rising into a small smirk as she watched her girlfriend sweep the blade in her right hand in a crescent slice. The blonde almost kicked herself as she caught herself paying too much attention to the way Lexa's bicep ultimately jumped with the muscle below the skin.

'The big metal man' lifted his sword to block the blow, but the weight of his armour cause his balance to be anywhere but where it was supposed to be, and the clash of blades sent him stumbling back, sword clattering from his hand. Lexa ducked the sword of the other warrior, sweeping metal man's his legs from below him as she did. Clarke's brows shot up. She was certainly getting a nice view of...

Lexa slammed the tip of her sword down, piercing through the thick metal of his chest plate. Her blade didn't stop until Clarke was sure it had ended up in the ground below him. His handswrapped around the metal in panic, eyes wide and blood slowly trailing down the outside of his mouth.

The other man moved to slash at her side, but Lexa shifted just enough to avoid his sword. Lexa tipped her head, and jumped up to land a spinning kick in his head, knocking him down to his knees. She then grasped the back of his head, bringing her own knee to slam into his face. He dropped, unconscious.

That was when Lexa turned back to the metal man. Something changed in her emotions. Clarke could see in those two bright emeralds. The brunette crouched down beside him, and reached down to put her hand on his shoulder. With the way Lexa's face contorted with emotion as she spoke, no doubt softly in order to comfort the dying man. With a small, painful nod from the man, she tugged the sword from his chest, and his body went limp.

In that moment, Lexa lifted her head to look at Clarke, spotting the blonde watching her. Slowly removing the gun from her face, she looked at Lexa face on from afar. The brunette hesitated, looking down at her blood covered hands and wiping the thick liquid on her pants. She glanced around the near empty battlefield.

Clarke had grown to know this part of Lexa. The part which was compassionate and pitying, and sometimes sad to see. It was the side of Lexa where she reflected on her actions- mostly resulting in Lexa being upset. In this case, it was Lexa pitying the man who she had just killed. He was inexperienced, and Lexa clearly had the upper hand. But she killed him anyway.

Clarke made a mental note to talk about it with her later... along with all the other things she really needed to talk to Lexa about.

The blonde dropped her gun from her shoulder, and took her time to lower herself from the rubble; her legs had grown numb at least half an hour ago. As her body made contact with solid ground, she groaned, stretching. Feeling the satisfying 'pop!' In her lower back left her sighing in relief.

She slung her rifle over her shoulder and started off towards Lexa with a smile far too small for the victory they experienced. It was a smile never the less, completely reserved for Lexa.

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Lexa felt the temperature beginning to cool around her, and she took note of the setting sun and the dulling light of the evening. She could feel the after-effect of every war: the slowing heartbeat, the sudden decrease in adrenaline, the relief that the war was over, and the weight of hundreds more deaths on her shoulders.

Instead of focusing on the dying faces, Lexa casted her attention to the ground in front of her, her shadow stretching far over the blood and dirt which she had spilled. She clenched her fists at the realisation that she wasn't helping herself.

Movement caught her eye and she looked up, hand locking around the hilt of her sword. Her grip slacked when she saw Clarke walking towards her with a small smile on her face.

"Hey" She said softly.

There were minute smudges of dirt on her cheeks, and the cut on her lip was still very evident. But the way her blonde hair fell over her shoulder, and the way her eyes seemed to glow brighter in the setting sun, or even the way she walked towards Lexa with the most beautiful smile she swore she had ever seen- Lexa could do nothing but stare. She almost felt at loss when Clarke's face contorted to a frown.

"Are you okay?"

The blonde was then in front of her, stepping closer which a concerned look, her brows furrowed as she examined the commander.

"Are you hurt?" Clarke questioned.

She then cupped Lexa's face with soft palms, and brunette leant into the gentle touch. Every coiled up muscle in her body instantly relaxed, and all of her fears and stresses vanished into thin air. "No" Lexa whispered softly.

"Thank god" Clarke almost laughed out "I don't know what I would do without you"

Lexa lifted a brow, a small smile on her face "Perhaps build an army against Pike, as well as complete hundreds of drawings of myself."

Clarke immediately blushed, hands retreating from Lexa's face to cover her own heated cheeks "I didn't know that you saw those"

"Clarke, I slept in the same room they were in. They were in piles next to my side of the bed. Of course I saw them." Lexa smiled at Clarke's reaction, as well as her own. She had a side of the bed. Of their bed. They shared a room... together. Lexa's chest almost burst with pride at the mere thought of it.

"Lexa... I." Clarke began, but continued to be caught up in her words, knowing what to say without knowing how to say it. Lexa shook her head, knowing what she wanted to say anyways.

"You were doing what you thought was right. If it was you dying, I would have made you take the nightblood too, Clarke." She said as gently as she could "I should be the one who apologises. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't want to. When I turned around and saw it was you who I elbowed... Clarke, I'm so sorry."

Clarke laced her fingers with Lexa's pulling them both closer. She looked up into green eyes, and smiled "Are you finished?"

Lexa frowned "would you like me to continue?"

Clarke laughed a laugh that had every butterfly Lexa's stomach contained fluttering violently. "No. I want you to be quiet so I can kiss you"

Before Lexa could come up with some sort of commander-like response, the brunette felt desirous but demure lips against hers. The silken hand returned to cup her cheeks, yet they slowly slid away again to lead her arms around Lexa's neck. The two instantly shifted closer at the new found space between them.

Lexa could admit that her first time kissing Clarke was a risk she was unsure of taking, and she had hopelessly leaned in, prepared for the rejection. Of course, it came. Yet it took longer than she had imagined in her head. But now, Lexa kissed Clarke in full confidence, the thought of being pushed away had disappeared from her mind.

The kiss was soft at first as they attempted to pour everything they had into gentle small kisses. But then they continued with a swift gradation that made them cling to each other, as if the other girl was the only solid thing in a dizzying and swaying world.

For a long stretched moment, she kissed Clarke, and Lexa was in deep astonishment at how the blonde almost ruled her with her kisses, luring her in and loving her. As the blonde pulled away, Lexa was left breathing deeply, her surroundings beginning to return to her. It appeared that Clarke was equally as dazed.

"Come on" Clarke said breathlessly "We can do that later. We have to find where Niylah went"

Lexa groaned internally at the thought of finding Niylah. Yes, she had forgiven her and shared an understanding for her... but it didn't stop her from being greatly jealous when she was so much as in the same room as Clarke. She huffed and followed the blonde.

"What happened to your armour anyway?" Clarke asked as they joined the others on the battlefield. Laura almost jumped at the mention of Lexa's armour.

"It was destroyed in the rubble"

"It was my fault" Laura commented "I dropped it"

"I was the one shoving you" Lexa countered

"I could have had a tighter grip"

"You were scared"

"But it-"

"Alright we get it" Raven interrupted, hobbling into sight "Stop arguing"

"Raven" Clarke pulled the mechanic into a hug "I'm so glad you're okay. Where did you go? I couldn't see you."

"I went with Niylah and Luna to protect the others. I came back to make sure you're not all dead. Thankfully you're not." She grinned. She glanced behind Clarke at the many guards and brave warriors who fought off Pike's army "Come on, guys. We set up camp a while from here in the woods. Let's go."

Raven lifted a hand and rested it on Lexa's shoulder to bring her forward, but instantly retracted her hand as she felt the blood and sweat on the black shirt. Lexa raised an eyebrow at her as if to say 'That's what you get'

"Ew." She muttered and began leading the group to their families.

Clarke turned to Lexa and held her hand out, palm facing upwards. She wiggled her fingers ever so slightly and raised an eyebrow. It took Lexa a short moment to understand what she meant. Clarke almost laughed when the look of realisation flashed across the commander's face and she let a small smile play on her lips as Lexa finally reached to take Clarke's hand.

Lexa caught Laura watching from beside Raven, but the other brunette quickly looked away. She ignored it and gripped Clarke's hand tighter. There was something about holding a Clarke's hand that made the world feel a great amount lighter than it felt when she was alone. Lexa was addicted to the feeling, as well as every other feeling she felt when they kissed, or hugged, or made love or even brushed hands.

"Bellamy?"

Clarke's voice instantly had Lexa's attention, and she listened to their conversation carefully whilst under a pretence of disinterest.

Bellamy looked in Clarke's general direction before he kept walking. The way he shortened his strides and hunched his back, it was obvious he was stressed and unsettled. Something was on his mind, and Clarke was always the caring person who confronted people about it. That was another reason on the long list of why Lexa loved her: she cared about others. Lexa couldn't have had said the same for a long time.

"Bellamy, are you okay?" She paused, waiting for a response

The eldest Blake gave a pained expression before he looked down at his feet as they entered the outskirts of the forests "They stayed behind to keep Pike from suspecting them. She stayed behind for me. I saw her. She was right there, Clarke. Right next to Pike and I couldn't help her.

Lexa recognised the form of pain that bubbled from his voice. Bellamy loved that girl, Echo. Lexa had met her on more than one occasion. Most occasions ended with the commander spitting out threats and pointing her sword menacingly at the Azgeda woman. If they met again in the future, the reasons behind it would be much different.

She just hoped there would be no more weapons between them. She was far from having enough with weapons, especially since Pike was in fact still alive. But the thought that one day there would be no reason to fight had Lexa's eyes lighting up, despite Bellamy's sadness.

"Bellamy, I'm so sorry." Clarke said softly "We'll get her back. We'll get them all back"

Clarke would have continued to show her support to Bellamy, but she didn't need to. His younger sister bounded over bodies and rubble, eager eyes fixated on her target. She lunged into his arms, cheek pressed to his chest with arms wrapped around his torso just as tightly. Bellamy lifted her off the ground to hug her.

"Family reunion" Raven grabbed a bunch of leaves and through them in the air, wiggling her fingers to join her green confetti "yay"

Octavia scoffed "let's go big brother. We'll get them back soon. For now, we regroup. Agreed?"

"Agreed" Bellamy smiled down at his sister as he released her.

"Good. Now let's go. I plan on meeting the others as soon as possible. There are children to protect" Indra walked past them and into the woods "Raven, come on."

Raven quickly hobbled after Indra, feeling the need to get back just as the other woman. Clarke and Lexa glanced at one another before following.

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Clarke edged closer to Lexa in the dark, knowing well what the commander was thinking. In other words, she would be thinking that it's dark. Lexa hates the dark.

She took her hand and pressed a light kiss to her cheek.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

Lexa huffed and pulled the blanket higher, the fabric only just skimming her chin "It's dark" she muttered.

Clarke smiled at Lexa's predictability and rested her head on her shoulder. She wrapped an arm around her waist. They were both still covered in blood and dirt, but they had decided that whilst everyone else bathed in the river, they would just sleep. The two women were far too tired to do anything but, and told each other they would just bathe in the morning. It didn't bother them in the slightest.

With a raised eyebrow, she asked "Do you want to talk? Maybe it could distract you?"

"What would you like to talk about, Clarke?"

The blonde lifted her hand to rest her hand on Lexa's chest. She could feel the harsh and thunderous beat of her heart filled with life. She smiled. Yes, she was definitely alive again.

"I don't know. Have you seen Isaac?" She asked

"I saw him not long ago. He's okay. He was one of the first kids Niylah found and got out."

Lexa's heart sped up below her palm, and she lifted her head to meet her eyes.

"What has your heart racing? Isaac or Niylah?"

"Perhaps both" Lexa said. But Clarke knew she was holding back; there was something she wasn't telling her.

"Lexa. You're not still jealous of Niylah are you?"

"No. I... well, yes. But not as much as I was. It's more Isaac." Lexa paused to think her words over and collect herself before continuing "His younger sister is still in Polis. I feel like every day I don't return her to him, I am failing him. I never returned Jayden to him. And now his sister is still missing."

Clarke frowned "hey" she whispered, cupping Lexa's cheek "It's not your fault. You can't do everything."

"But she was there. When I was in Polis, and supposedly dead, she was there. I saw her, and I didn't help her."

"But we will. We will help them all."

They allowed themselves to fall into silence, with Lexa feeling more comfortable in the darkness when she's in a Clarke's arms. It just so happened to be the commander who dozed off first, followed by Wanheda after a few moments of happily savouring the moment.

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In the morning, Clarke was awoken by the empty space beside her. She opened her opened her eyes, shielding them from the early morning light with the palm her hand. Lexa sat across from her on the ground, tugging on her boots with a scowl.

She looked in her element: as if she was born and bred to live in the woods. Her brunette hair fell over her shoulder and blocked her sight from her laces. She angrily brushed them away, the dark strands growing more and more offending to her. Clearly it wasn't the first time she had been interrupted by her own hair. Eventually, she sat back and braided her hair, completely unaware of Clarke watching with an amused smile.

"Good morning." Clarke said softly "You're off to a good start"

"I truly am." Lexa said sarcastically.

Lexa carefully got to her feet, body obviously aching from the war they had fought the day before. Her legs seemed stiffer, too much use causing them to seize after a night of long rest. Still, Lexa steadied herself and sighed.

Tilting her head, Clarke began to wonder. If Lexa's mother passed when she was young, who's as there to teach her the simplest of things in life? Like how to walk, or speak or even stand? Who was there to hold her hand as a child?

"Lex?"

"Hmm?" Lexa grunted as she stretched, before she directed her full attention to Clarke. She came and sat down beside her on the blankets, twisting to look at her.

"What happened to your parents?"

Lexa's face fell.


	16. Chapter 16

_On the borders of Trikru and Trishanakru, were the unkept fields and run-down hut that the girl called home. Inside, the lanky 5 year old, wearing nothing but a torn shirt and dirty farming shorts, blinked herself awake. She fumbled through the clothes and cattle hide that lay on the bed to find the doll she cared about more than anything in her home. She let out a small squeak as she smiled and pressed its mucky face to her cheek before remembering that she was still tired from her long nap._

_Rubbing the sleep from her vibrant eyes, she yawned, stretching her stumpy legs over the side of her bed and sitting up. She allowed them to hover, swinging back and forth and wiggling her toes in the cool air with a suppressed giggle. She shortly grew bored of the action though, and frowned when her stomach gave a loud growl._

_She jumped the remaining distance between the bed and the floor, and wondered out of the single room of the hut and into the hallway._

_"Nomon?" She hobbled towards the other side of her nearing abandoned home as she received no response from her mother. Seeing the tall brunette woman slumped forward on the table before the dying fire, she called out again._

_"Nomon, I'm hungry!" She climbed up on the chair beside her mother and shook her shoulders "Mommy? Can you make me something to eat? My tummy hurts."_

_She shook her mother harder, hoping that in some way, if she shook harder she would pay more attention to her. Her lower lip wobbled as she sat back in defeat, arms crossed. But then she felt her empty stomach roll and she stood up on the chair again, putting a small hand on her mother's arm._

_"Mommy, please open your eyes. I don't like it when you ignore me. You've ignored me for too long now, Nomon."_

_"At least you won't be cold any more, Nomon" she said, pulling herself onto the table and laying next to her mother's head._

_She lay for hours, the growls of her tummy growing louder and the hunger pains growing stronger. She whined and turned to lay on her back, lifting her doll over her head so she could concentrate on it. She tried to smile back at the roughly stitched grin that it sported on its face, and reciprocate its happy expression but she couldn't._

_"Mommy I'm really hungry, now. It hurts. Please get up" she said, rolling back onto her stomach to face her mother "You can't stay still forever. You know the night lady is coming soon, you said it yourself. Mommy this game isn't fun any more."_

_She felt tears welling up in her eyes and she sniffed. Rolling from the table, she scurried to the food chest that sat in the corner. She lifted the heavy lid to reveal nothing but rotting berries and corn. She immediately slammed the chest closed and stumbled back as the smell hit her nose._

_"Mommy that food is sick! We need more!" She started to sob, and she hit her mother's knee. Maybe if she misbehaved her mother would stop this game she was playing "you don't even make my favourite snacks any more, Nomon! Daddy would have helped make them! But daddy's gone and I want you to stop playing the game now!"_

_She kicked her mother's shin for good measure and stormed to sit in the corner of the room, staring at her mother and willing her to get up. She glared with all the intensity she could._

_She sat for hours which turned to days, glaring, growing more and more hungry, and her tongue turning to sand at her dry throat. She felt herself growing better and better at her intimidating look. But it was still never enough to bring her mother from their game._

_A knock on the wooden logs of her door finally caused her to break her glare, and it was instead replaced with a look of panic and fear. She darted from her spot in the corner to hug her mother's leg._

_"Mommy they're here. You told me... you told me that I had to hide. But you didn't tell me where. Mommy you need to help me. Nomon!" She climbed onto the table and shook her mother's head "You're all smelly and sweaty! You told me you had to smell nice to meet the night people. You told me to hide!"_

_There was another knock at the door and another surge of panic washed over the 5 year old. She stumbled off of the table and darted towards the food chest._

_"Ophen dau, cropcahn" (Open the door, farmer.) came the stern voice "or we will force it open."_

_Green eyes widened with fear as she opened the chest. She whimpered and held her nose. Shaking her head, she looked one last time at her unmoving mother before slinging one foot and then the other into the handcrafted storage unit. She let out a small cry as the rotten food crushed and sloshed below her bare feet. If there was anything in her stomach at all, she would have thrown up. But instead, she heaved dryly._

_The door swung open and she clapped a hand over her mouth, her wild brown waves falling in front of her eyes. She peeked through the slit in the chest, watching as the tall and lithe woman hovered over her mother for a moment, observing her state. She tutted, turning on her heel with a shake of her head as she glanced at the man behind her._

_"Where is her child?" He questioned_

_"Shh!" She hushed him._

_The small girl shuffled to get a look at her face, curiosity getting the better of her as she saw the sword she held on her right hip. The woman scanned the room, brown eyes calculating as the man walked away to search the bedroom. The dim light cast shadows over her high cheekbones, darkening her war painted eyes._

_The girl didn't like that at all. And she whimpered._

_The woman's head almost snapped towards her at such speed, it had her shrinking further back into the mouldy and disgusting food. She much preferred the food the to woman that had most likely found her. She squeezed her eyes closed as footsteps approached._

_She kept her eyes firmly shut as light flooded into her hiding spot, and she curled up into a ball, clinging to her doll as tightly as she could with her weak body. She waited. And she waited. Until finally, the woman spoke._

_"Hey" she whispered softly. The little girl almost opened her eyes with a smile on her face, but she remember what her mother had told her. The night people were scary people._

_"We're not going to hurt you, goufa." She heard another gentle whisper. She jumped in fright as her stomach gave a loud groan "How long have you gone without food? I have some here for you, if you'd like some."_

_At the thought of eating, she allowed one curious eye to open. She expected it to be a trick, like her mother had warned her would happen, but to her surprise, the woman stood crouched with a small piece of bread held out in her palm. The girl slowly sat up, watching the woman wearily before reaching out and snatching it from her hand. Her slender fingers curled back in surprise._

_"You're fast aren't you?" She said, offering a small smile._

_The girl could tell that the woman didn't smile often, as her smile seemed unpracticed. She felt a little warm burst in her hungry tummy as she stared back at her, happy that this woman was smiling for her in particular. She felt special._

_"Would you like a drink?" Came another soft question as the five year old munched on her bread._

_She gave an eager nod. She watched with a mouth stuffed with crumbs as the nice lady poured some water into the lid of her flask and handed it to her. Short fingers wrapped around the metal cap and brought it to her lips. She slurped loudly as the woman watched her._

_"My name is Anya" she said gently as she held out a hand "What's your name?"_

_"L-Lexa" she said, eying the woman's hand suspiciously_

_"Well, Lexa. I'm going to take you somewhere safe. Is that okay?"_

_Lexa slowly slid her hand into Anya's palm and whispered a quite "okay" before she was lifted from the chest and into warm arms. She felt comfortable there, and she peered over Anya's shoulder and through her hair at her cold mother who still lay against the table unmoving. It was a sharp contrast between laying on a table next to her mother for hours on end._

_"What about my mommy?" She said as Anya carried her towards the door. She saw the big man behind them lift her mother's limp body from her chair._

_"Your Nomon's spirit is at rest now" Anya said softly "Gustus is going to look after your mommy now, okay?"_

_"Okay" Lexa said with a hint of confusion in her expression. She turned in Anya's arms, twisting to get more comfortable. Even as Anya settled on her horse, she remained in her arms, and she hid her face in Anya's shoulder._

_"I'm tired, Anya" she commented, feeling a yawn sneak it's way from her lips._

_"Then rest, Lexa. The world awaits when you wake up."_

_Lexa felt the tug of sleep, and her body drooped, the grip on her doll loosening. Anya's hand snapped out to grab it before it fell to be sandwiched between mud and the horses hooves. She gently tucked it between Lexa's arms again, and the little girl fell asleep against her shoulder._

"Lexa?" Clarke whispered softly for what mustn't have been the first time. Lexa turned to her, snapped from her daze "Are you okay? I didn't mean to mention it. I-"

"My father passed in the second battle between Azgeda and Trikru. He had left my mother to look after both myself and the farm that we lived in." Lexa explained, cutting Clarke off from whatever reasoning she was going to come up with.

The blonde shifted, directing all of her attention to her words.

"She died at her table beside the fire whilst I slept. When I woke up, I thought she was ignoring me. That she was playing some sort of game of which she had came up with during the night." Lexa shook her head

"I waited days for her to wake up, hungry and thirsty. I'm lucky that my mother was due a visit from Anya, who was in search of nightbloods across Trikru territory. She came in, and took me to Polis where I became who I am today. She saved me, Clarke."

The blonde woman laced her fingers with her own, watching Lexa "and what happened to your mother? After you left?"

"Gustus disposed of her body with a true Trikru funeral. She was cremated beside the wildflowers behind our home. After Anya found me she took me to stay with her for almost three years until I was old enough to start training."

"She was like your second mother" Clarke pointed out

Lexa nodded "When you told me she was dead, I... Clarke I'm so sorry about Finn. I was angry, and I demanded some sort of justice. I cared for her."

"Hey, no. Lexa, you were doing what anyone else would have done." Clarke ensured her "I'm sorry I couldn't save her"

Lexa looked down at her hands "Don't say that. It was her time. She died a warrior, and I'm proud to have called her my mentor."

She could feel the tears bubbling, and she turned to Clarke to see her eyes growing glassy "Alright, hey. No. That's enough of that now. I should have minded my own business. Let's go get cleaned up."

As they stood back up, Lexa's hand held firmly in her palm, she leant over to press a tender kiss to her jaw. The brunette regained her flawless posture, seeming to grow in height as her back straightened. Clarke had to tilt her head and stand on the tips of her toes to add a peck to Lexa's lips.

Clarke led Lexa down to the water, turning to face her once their grew nearer, walking backwards to keep eye contact with her. She stopped when she felt the heel of her shoe flood with water, and raised a brow.

"You really are just covered from head to toe in... I don't even want to know what that is." Clarke turned up her nose at both herself and Lexa when she noticed just how dirty and war-ridden they were.

"I know, Clarke." Lexa said "I'm still in disbelief that you were capable of sleeping next to me."

"I spent years sleeping without you Lexa, I think I can put up with a little blood" she glanced at the apologetic smile on Lexa's lips before returning it with a larger one "Anyways, come closer. I need to untangle all that hair."

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The two women had settled into a calmed routine. Lexa sat on the rocks in her underwear, cleaning both her own and Clarke's clothes, and laying them in the sun to dry. Clarke sat behind her, legs sprawled out around Lexa as she carefully unknotted the wild mane that was Lexa's hair.

"You even managed to get mud on your scalp, Lexa. How did that even happen? Did you dip your head in a puddle and let it soak or something? You need to be honest with me here Lexa" Clarke complained as she ran her fingers through Lexa's hair for the millionth time.

"I did suggest that I just bathe and untangle it in the water, but you insisted on this, Clarke" Lexa informed Clarke as she scrubbed out a large patch of mud with her knuckles in the shallow water. The vigorous movements caused the muscles in her upper back to jump, where Clarke had just rested her hand in defeat.

"Fine. I'll go in the water" Clarke relented "but you better not let me drown commander"

Lexa turned her head to the blonde with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk "Would I ever, Wanheda?"

Clarke caught a glint of mischief in Lexa's eye, and spoke up about it instantly "What are you thinking about?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you"

"Nothing, Clarke"

"Really Lexa? Come on I can see you're going to do some-"

Lexa scooped Clarke up in her arms, and Clarke shrieked at the sudden movement. She didn't complain though. Lexa was warm, and the breeze was growing chilly as it got further into the day. The commander trodded into the water, seeming unfazed by it until it finally began to reach Clarke's back.

"Oh my god, Lexa it's cold! Go back! I swear, Lexa go back!" Clarke complained arching her back away from the offending liquid and clinging tighter to Lexa's neck. When she looked up, she almost regretted it instantly. Lexa grinned a heart shattering grin, watching her reaction carefully as she realised what was about to happen.

"Wait... Lexa... don't you dare." She felt Lexa's grip alter "Lexa..." suddenly, the brunette's arms weren't there, and Clarke went cascading towards the cold water "Lexa!"

She was entirely submerged under water, her yells of distress muted by the mass amount of water she struggled, attempting to correct herself below the surface until she finally managed to stand up in the water, face burning with rage- rage that rapidly burned out at the sight of Lexa's wide smile and bubbling laughter.

Two could play that game.

"That's how you're going to be with me today, is it?" Clarke slicked back her hair from her eyes "Alright, I see"

Clarke splashed Lexa with the water, sending as much as she could in one swoop of her arm. The water collided with the girl's face, drenching her in the contents of the lake. Clarke grinned proudly as drops of dirty water rolled from Lexa's face.

"Look at that Lex, you're cleaner already" She smiled.

Lexa quickly splashed back at her, covering her in the freezing water. Again.

"Okay that's it." Clarke lunged towards the tall brunette, arms looping over her shoulders. She tried wrestling Lexa into the water, and perhaps get her under the water like she did to her.

She struggled against her, forgetting just how strong Lexa really was. It took her a moment to realise that Lexa was holding back, and almost grinned at a thought.

"Ow!" She yelped, jumping away from her. The brunettes face instantly grew concerned, and she edged closer.

"Clarke, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" She frowned. She reached a soft hand out to rest on Clarke's shoulder, showing her concern. It almost felt evil when Clarke let Lexa fall into her trap. Almost.

She grabbed Lexa's arm and flipped her into the water. She stood with pride, hands on her hips and chin tilted upwards. Lexa resurfaced with a shoked look on her face.

"Impressive, Clarke"

"I know I am" she grinned

"Overconfidence can lead to severe flaws" Lexa said, head bobbing just above the water.

"Did Anya tell you that?" Clarke smiled "because it sounds like something she would say"

Lexa paused in thought "I believe it was Indra who said it."

"Yeah?"

"Yes"

Lexa gripped Clarke's hands under the water. She tugged the blonde closer, pulling her to her own height in the water and resting her forehead against hers. She suddenly grew serious.

"You know I'd never hurt you. Right?" She said in a quite, gently voice, as if anything else would scare Clarke away "I love you"

"I know" Clarke whispered, caressing Lexa's cheek gently "I love you too"

"And... I know that sometimes people think I'm heartless. And that I wouldn'thesitate to hurt you but that's not true. I'd never hurt you intentionally-"

"Shh" Clarke pressed a finger to Lexa's lips "You're ruining our moment, Lexa."

Lexa frowned cluelessly "What moment?"

Rolling her eyes, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck and brought her lips to hers.

This moment, idiot...

...My idiot.

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Luna sat against the rocks, Raven pressed against her side trading body heat between them. Yes, the stone below her was uncomfortable, but she wouldn't want to be anywhere else but there in that moment with Raven Reyes. Her eyes followed the careless and youthful nature of Lexa's actions in the water.

"Is this what she used to be like?" Raven asked, tilting he head to look up at Luna from her shoulder "before she became commander, is this who she used to be?"

"Almost" Luna whispered, watching as Clarke and Lexa exchanged large splashes of water "She's still afraid."

"Of what?"

"She's still the commander. There's still a war to be won, and there aren't many people trusting her at the moment. She's afraid that those people are right."

"Right about what?"

"That she will hurt Clarke again."

Raven looked between Luna and Lexa then shuffled closer "How do you know that?"

"Watch her. Carefully."

Clarke lunged towards Lexa in a playful fight. It seemed fair enough, but it was obvious that something wasn't right when Lexa constantly let Clarke have the upper hand, or was almost too careful around touching the blonde at all.

"Maybe she just cares about her a lot"

Then Clarke jumped back in false pain, and the panic in Lexa's eyes was instant. The way she hesitantly reached for her, that was her give away.

"Maybe you're right."

"I know I am. I've known her for too long now." Luna paused "It happened to Costia for a while too."

Then was a pregnant pause, where both women just lounged in the sun watching the couple play in the water. They both cringed when they kissed.

"Do you see them in the future? As in, together?" Raven asked, looking away as if she was giving the couple some privacy.

"Raven, I see these women thousands of years into the future. They've already defied many things: death, leadership, tradition... what else can stop them? They're already historical and they're only young."

"People will remember you too, Luna."

"And you" Luna smiled down at Raven "Once this war is over, we are all free to continue into the future in whichever way we see fit."

The mechanic pressed her forehead to Luna's jaw, hiding her face in her neck with a smile.

"I can't wait"


	17. Chapter 17

Clarke lunged into her mother's arms, letting a small tear slide down her cheek in relief.Raven charged up behind them and closed both of the Griffin girls in a hug.

"You're okay" Clarke whispered into Abby's hair.

"I am" Abby tore her hand from between Raven and Clarke's crushing bodies and ran her hand through her daughters blonde hair. Another hand came up to stroke Raven's hair "and so are you"

"I'm glad you're still in tact Abby" Raven grinned as they finally detached themselves from the elder Griffin.

Lexa and Luna stood awkwardly from afar after their partners rather quickly abandoned them to greet Abby. It was currently annoying Lexa how often Luna would shuffle in the leaves next to her, and she found herself clenching her jaw angrily to hold back a violent snap. She had never felt this angry at her own sister.

Not sister. Not anymore.

"I can feel you hitting me from here, Lexa." Luna said "Just talk to me. Please?"

"What is there to discuss?"

"Perhaps the reason why you show disgust whenever I'm a few steps away from you?"

"You know why"

"I do, yes. And I want your forgiveness, Lexa." Luna turned to her with a pleading look in her eyes "you helped me escape the conclave without any hesitation, not caring about what would happen to you in the process. That's what I did for you. I did what I did without hesitation because whether it's weakness or not, I love you. I'd rather have you hating me for the rest of our lives than lose my sister for a second time."

Lexa dipped her head to stare at her boots. At first, she saw Luna's actions as a betrayal, something that encouraged her to never trust her again. But after hearing what she had to say, Lexa understood her. Luna was caring for her family like Lexa had too. She looked back at her, eyes watering ever so slightly.

"I love you, Lexa. Hate me all you like, but I will not stop-"

Lexa grabbed Luna by her shoulders, and for a moment, the woman genuinely believed she was going to be attacked. But then Lexa yanked Luna into a bone-crushing, harsh hug that could only be described as sisterly. Many people paused around them to offer them small glances, but continued on quickly after earning glares from both Clarke and Raven.

"I love you too, Luna." Lexa whispered into the older woman's neck.

After a few more moments of holding one another, Lexa let go, gathering her composure. She patted Luna's shoulder only slightly awkwardly as she retreated and cleared her throat. Clarke and Raven began speaking to Abby again, leaving the two women to themselves again. Lexa leant back against the tree behind her, crossing her arms and watching Clarke pull her mother into her arms again.

"You love her." Luna stated

"Do I not make it clear enough?" Lexa spoke without tearing her eyes from the blonde.

"You do." Luna paused "Sometimes"

Lexa finally turned to look at her "sometimes?"

"You have a strange way of showing you love someone, Lexa. You always have. You know you trust her and love her, you just don't like knowing you do." Luna said softly "Somewhere in you, you still believe love is weakness."

"I do not"

"You do. That's why it hurt you so much when Clarke and I healed you. Because you believed that you trusted us with your love and we betrayed you."

Luna was greeted with silence

"As I thought." Luna smiled "Just let it go, Lexa. You need this. And you need her."

"I know I do." Lexa whispered "more than anything."

The two stood for a short while longer, watching their partners greet the others who they had been separated from at the beginning of their battle. Lexa tried to ignore the knowing smile of Luna's lips she watched Clarke lift Isaac into her arms with a grin on her face. The pure joy the boy radiated at the sight of the blonde stirred something inside Lexa that made her slightly uneasy. She turned away.

"So that's what you really want?" Luna questioned smirk growing larger by the minute.

"Silence, Luna. You have no right to discuss my needs. Especially when I can never seem to see you without Raven clinging to your arm."

"Don't avoid my question" Luna quirked an eyebrow

"Everyone has desires for the future. Mine consist of things I've never had."

"A family?"

Lexa refused to answer, crossing her arms and furrowing her brows, encouraging a laugh from Luna.

"You had a family. You and Anya, and you had me. And gustus, and Titus..."

"Yes, and the only person I have left is you." Lexa almost snapped "I have Clarke now. It's... my world is different now that she landed amongst it. The person I was all those years ago is dead. Just like everyone else."

"I'd have kids" Luna shrugged "I'm sure Raven could defy the laws of nature once more to give birth"

"Luna!" Lexa slapped her side "Children? We haven't even won the war."

"I see no issue with dreaming of my future" Luna shrugged "why can't you?"

Lexa paused, and glanced back to Clarke who smiled at the young children who had ran to gather around her. Lexa allowed herself a moment to escape whatever thoughts she had stirring in her mind, and savoured the moment of hearing Clarke's laughter.

"I guess you're right." Lexa turned to her sister figure and smiled. She pushed herself from the tree "Oh, and what makes you think Raven will the the one to carry your child?"

Seeing the glint of mischief in Lexa's eyes, Luna allowed her to play along with her playfulness "The same reason you think Clarke will the one to carry yours."

"What makes you think it would be Clarke?" Lexa flashed a childish grin at Luna before heading in Clarke's direction. Luna's laughter followed her footsteps and lingered even as she reached the group of people.

"Lexa, honey" Abby greeted her with a smile and crossed paths with Lexa before she could make it to Clarke "I'm glad you're okay."

"You too, Abby" She said, allowing herself to be enveloped in a quick hug. But Abby seemed to realise that Lexa's attention was elsewhere, more specifically, her attention was on Clarke. "I see you two made up rather quickly."

"How could I be angry at her?"

Abby laughed "Go to my daughter, commander."

"Yes, ma'am"

"Call me that again and I might accidentally mess up your next medical evaluation by stitching your nose to your rear end"

Lexa paused to stare at Abby "That is utterly horrifying"

"I'm aware. But it got the message across didn't it?" Lexa only continued to stare at Abby until the older woman shocked her into the present "Well? What are you waiting for? An invite? Go!"

Lexa quickly shifted away from the ushering mother and walked at a determined speed. She met Clarke's eyes amongst the sea of people surrounding the great wanheda, weaving her way through with grace she had picked up from her years of training.

"Hey" Clarke said with a wide smile as Lexa reached her. The blonde reached a hand out, Lexa took it without hesitation, returning her smile and kissing her knuckles "You seem excitable today."

Lexa chuckled "Perhaps. I just care for you very deeply Clarke."

Clarke leaned over and lightly kissed Lexa's jaw, caressing the back of her head to bring her lips to hers. It was a quick kiss- a kiss that began far too late and ended far too early. Lexa hardly had time to respond before Clarke's lips had vanished.

"I love you" Clarke whispered, fingertips tracing lightly over the skin of Lexa's neck.

"I love you too" Lexa raised an eyebrow "Are you ready for another war?"

"Almost as ready as you are." Clarke said then frowned "mentally anyways. You have no armour and there's no way I'm letting you go fight without armour. And you don't have a sword. The one you have is all chipped and broken. It's more bent than Raven."

Lexa looked at Clarke, clearly left confused by her joke.

"Never mind. That's not my point. My point is, you should find some armour from somewhere or someone first."

Lexa nodded "I will"

"You better" She said with a warning look. A look that shortly turned into a look of willpower and hope "God, I can't wait for this all to be over."

"I find myself feeling the same way"

"I just want this all to end. I just want to live in peace, not having to worry about losing you or my friends or my mom..." she shook her head "I can't wait for the day that I wake up and feel safe; I can't wait to wake up and not feel like I have to kill someone that day."

Lexa stepped closer to Clarke, brushing away stray blonde strands of hair from her eyes which grew more and more emotional. She leant down to ensure Clarke looked at her as she spoke "Clarke. I promise you. That day will come, and you will have nothing left to worry for other than life's simplest of things."

"Like what?"

"Like making dinner, gathering food, fetching water, crafting tools and homes. Normal things that we could be doing right now if people weren't so desperate to kill one another"

"You were one of those people too, Lexa" Clarke reminded softly

"And then I woke up. I realised there's more to life than just surviving. You... you woke me up, Clarke. And now I can see the true meaning of life clearly."

The blonde doctors smiled once again, leaning into Lexa and wrapping her arms tightly around her torso. Her head rested on Lexa's shoulder, and she took in the deep forest scent that she knew so distinctively. Her hands ran up and down Lexa's back, the thin shirt revealing every muscle to Clarke's touch. She even traced over Lexa's tattoo from memory, the picturing the placement of her fingers over the ink. Lexa smiled at Clarke's actions and pressed her lips to her temple.

"I kept intending to ask you about your tattoo. I just never gave myself the chance to do so" Lexa's eyes set on the ink on Clarke's arm "The artist was good. However, the piece is on your left arm, and I happen to notice that you draw with your left too. Who did it?"

"Lincoln" Clarke responded. She looked down at the swirls which Lexa currently traced her thumb over. The tattoo was ultimately a classic grounder tattoo. It was tribal, traditional, memorable. She wanted something that Lexa would have had herself. Something beautiful and majestic all while vicious and dangerous. Jagged spikes and points amongst gentle waves and curves. Clarke and Lincoln had deliberately designed it that way. Together. "We spent a long time drawing it before I got it tattooed. I wanted it perfect."

"Perfect?"

"I wanted it to represent you in every it could. The points are your strong and calculated whilst the curves are the soft side of you that so many people forget you have. Both have their imperfections, but together they're perfect. Just like you."

"I deem myself rather flawless, Clarke. How dare you" Lexa spoke with a sneaky smile which transformed into something more serious "I am flawed. Very. My past even more so. But I'm glad I have a strong woman like you who can see through those, no matter how prominent they are. I start wars, I kill people, I cause pain, and yet, you stand by me still. You help me.

"Because I know you're just doing what's best for your people. Our people"

"Clarke. My people matter. Everyone does. But right now, all this? It's all for you. Every wound I take from now on, will be to protect you. And I won't regret it. Not in the slightest. From here on out, I do what is best for you. Because you're the closest thing I have left to being a family... besides Luna of course"

Clarke laughed into Lexa's neck "Are you two friends again now?"

"Yes" Lexa glanced over the mass of blonde hair at Luna's smiling face as she greeted Abby "I suppose we are."

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"As if any common guard could possibly kill me!" Luna exclaimed, slamming her hand on the makeshift table. The twigs held together by just a few vines clattered at the force.

Devising a battle plan had deemed itself to be much more of a challenge that it had seemed to be before they had began. The group had made many suggestions to Luna, which were all shut down instantly with her pride.

"Luna, please. You're the most furtive of us all besides Lexa. We need you to do this." Abby said quietly

"Stealth isn't a talent specifically needed for this task. You could send in anyone with a gun, have them rid of the guards quickly and effectively, and get Echo and Roan out! There would be no reason for them to worry about detection when they're all dead, and I'll be on the battle field where I belong!" Luna argued.

"Luna, please. We've gone over this already. We need them safely out of Pike's reach before we send in our army." Lexa said quietly, retreating her hand from where she had pinched her nose in annoyance "If I went, I would not return to the the army in time."

"But-"

"Please" Lexa spoke with a slight urgency. Luna paused, as did many others. After all, who, other than Clarke, had ever heard the commander say 'please'?

"Okay. I'll do it." Luna crossed her arms "At least I'll be able to return to the battle and kill the traitors there."

Lexa hesitated at Luna's words, remembering the poor woman who almost begged for her life at Lexa's feet. She remembered her words, how she spoke about how Pike 'forced' them to fight. The image sword slicing through her body forced Lexa to blink away the sight.

"Lexa?" Clarke said in recognition of Lexa's predicament.

"When we were fighting, I met a woman. She spoke of Pike forcing them into war; he didn't give them a choice in it." Lexa frowned in thought

Octavia raised a brow "So? As far as I'm concerned they still made their decision.They went against us- you in particular, Lexa: the commander. The committed treason as soon as they took their first strike"

"As far as I'm concerned, they would have committed treason no matter they did. I believe they looked to Pike because they were afraid of the consequences of being loyal to our cause."

"Why does this matter, Lexa? There's nothing we can do about that. That army will still charge on us as long as Pike is still in charge"

"Are you sure about that?" Clarke immediately straightened, eyes bright. Lexa was rendered breathless as the blue orbs landed directly on her, emptying her lungs to the lowest capacity. The blonde smiled softly "Because I think Lexa is on to something?"

"I am?"

"She is?"

Lexa and Luna shared confused glances with one another before turning back to Clarke, full of interest... both women interested in different things. Luna, in the ideas Clarke had in her head. And Lexa, in the way Clarke's blonde locks shimmered in a specific beam of light which flowed through the canopy of branches above them.

"Yes, she is." Clarke's gentle voice coaxed Lexa from her daze "What if Pike's army was his downfall? What if... we could encourage his army to turn their weapons?"

"A rebellion?" Abby questioned

"A revolution" Lexa smiled at Clarke "It sounds logical. Let's do it."

"Aren't you being slightly biased?" Luna asked

"I'm being smart" Lexa grinned at her sister "And perhaps minutely biased"

"I say it's worth a shot. We still need people left to carry on the human race. Why wipe them all out when we're only really against their leader, not their people?" Raven said

"See? Logical" Lexa nudged Luna, who only scoffed and rolled her eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

Sitting back on her heels, fingertips stained in the dark blue colouring, Lexa grumbled impatiently.

"Clarke if you refuse to sit still I cannot apply this effectively."

The blonde rolled her eyes at Lexa's antics and tucked her blonde locks behind her ears to give Lexa better access. Feeling Lexa's free hand press against her back, she shuffled closer to the brunette. Judging by her immature pout and dissatisfied grunt, Lexa wasn't happy with the results.

Looping her arms loosely around Lexa's neck, she pulled herself into her lap, straddling her with a small smile on her face. She allowed the tips of their noses to brush and pressed her forehead to hers. She sighed, running a finger down Lexa's jaw until she reached her chin, grasping it gently.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" She whispered, kissing Lexa gently one and then twice for good measure.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready for war anymore." Lexa said quietly against the blondes lips.

Pulling back slightly, Clarke frowned playfully "Say that again and I'll kill you myself. Look at you. You're already in your warpaint. You look more than prepared for this."

"I'm not prepared to loose anyone else I care for" Lexa countered

"Lex, this is the last one. Ever. We're going win this war and we're going home. Where ever that may be. I don't care, as long as it's us, together" Clarke gently kissed her cheek.

Lexa cleared her throat and looked down, searching for the small tub of warpaint "We need to get this done. We don't have much time before we leave."

It was more obvious than ever that Lexa had had enough of their conversation, and was reluctant to continue. Clarke could tell by the way she avoided eye contact at all cost, and focused solely on the paint in her hands. Yet still, Lexa still had a firm grip on her waist preventing her from leaving their position.

Green eyes lifted ever so slightly to apply the paint, dragging her fingertips to paint the outline. It was a simple form, compared to others at least, with angled points presenting the ferocious side of Clarke Griffin.

It was as if Lexa had a case of déjà vu as she watched Clarke's eyes slowly open from where she had painted around them. Blinding blue eyes burned into her own. She could see her, stood before her, surrounded by candles as they stared at one another. Clarke wore a dark dress in the image, and even as Lexa shook the Déjà vu from her mind, she could still hear the traditional trigedasleng music sung by her most trusted musician. Perhaps, Lexa thought, it was the commanders showing what she could have had if she hadn't have been so foolish.

"Lexa?" Clarke whispered, spotting the hesitation in Lexa's eyes as they began to grow clouded with thoughts "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" Lexa responded quickly, shaking her "I just.... I wish for you to swear that you will stay out of harms way. If any harm were to come to you I would never forgive myself, or whoever inflicted it on you."

Clarke laughed at Lexa's extremeties, and her glowing concern "Don't worry, Lexa. Everyone, and I mean everyone, will be safe." Lexa looked down at her hands "hey... hey look at me"

She tipped Lexa's chin up to look at her.

"We will"

"And what will we do? When it's over?" Lexa asked.

"What do you want?"

They both stared at one another, the memories clashing against glassy eyes. Lexa grasped Clarke's hands and rested her forehead against her shoulder.

"Peace. With you. I want my home back, my people back. I want a life without fear, for us and everyone else we care about"

Clarke smiled "That's quite a list. Anything else?"

"That's all. For now." Lexa glanced, a glint in her eye which told Clarke her list was far from over. But she didn't comment on it. What had been said was enough to keep her happy for years to come.

"Well, let's fight for it yeah?"

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"Lexa!" Raven skipped through crowds of armoured people "Hey! Commander! Yo, raccoon girl!"

Lexa turned at the near-by offensive name "Excuse me?"

"Your warpaint... it makes you look like a- never mind. Sorry." Raven fumbled with the metal in her arms "Listen I know your stuff got messed up pretty bad last fight. So I took it upon myself to be the blacksmith of this place."

Raven dumped the pile into Lexa's arms, unbuckling the sheath from her hip and dropping it on top. Lexa quickly leant back to balance the stuff.

"I managed to pull together some armour over the last few days. Tailored and crafted by yours truly. I also made the sword from scrap metal and some leather. That baby is sharper than your own jaw, Commander" Raven crossed her arms in pride. Lexa stared at her. "Well? Go on! Put it on, would you? We don't have much time until we leave and meet up with Luna."

"She left?" Lexa asked

"Yup. Jasper and Laura also left a few hours ago to gather groups of rebels within the walls. Their faces seemed known enough for anyone to recognise them... I hope. Once word has been spread around Pike's army that there's a rebellion, there won't be many people to fight." Raven paused to scratch her chin

"And Clarke?"

"Oh she's over making sure the horses are looked after. It's a warm day so she's giving them some water"

"And-"

"Look, everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. The only one not doing that is you, so go!"

Lexa rushed away from the crowd to apply her armour. She was pleasantly surprised as she buckled the metal clasps into place around her waist and fixed the shoulder armour on securely. It felt comfortable, as if nothing had changed. But many things had. The armour felt lighter, easier to move around in, and the brunette found it easier to breathe with it on. It hugged her body rather than crushed it.

She unsheathed her sword, scanning the craftsmanship of the blade. It had appeared that the leather of the handle had been weaved into intricate patterns- patterns that Lexa knew only Lincoln could create. He had even gone as far as to carve thin crisp lines into the blade itself, which Lexa on instinct ran a thumb over its sharp edge.

She hissed as the metal sliced into her skin without hardly any pressure. Pulling her hand away, she watched the sunlight shine down on the ferocious looking metal, a lone drop of blood rolling down its edge and sliding off into the grass. Clenching her jaw and tightening her grip on the handle, she slid the sword back into its sheath.

"Jus drein, jus daun, Pike" She growled, eyes flitting up to her army.

Through the trees and foliage, she could see them. Feet shuffled in determination, unable to wait any longer than they have to. Hooves scrapped along the dirt, kicking up clumps of grass as the horses fought to take off into battle. Loud, gruff voices chatted between one another, talking of strategy and fighting techniques.

One last battle, for peace. For these people, that had suffered and lost so much. For Clarke, and Abby, and Raven, and Octavia, and Luna and all of the rest. Every child caught up between wars and horrors whilst they should have been playing, smiling, laughing. One last war, to bring an end to all wars.

Lexa looked back down at the black blood leaking from her thumb. If she were to die today, on the battle field, sword in hand fighting beside her love, she wouldn't care. As long as the war was won, and Clarke was safe. If she were to bleed for her, she would.

"Lexa?" Clarke's voice came from a distance. Lexa raised her eyes to spot Clarke trotting towards her on her own white furred horse. She held another horse by ta reigns beside her. Lexa's horse "Everything okay?"

The brunette fixed a scowl on her face as she mounted the horse which Clarke held for her, Lexa looping into the stirrups that rested against the black fur "Let's go."

Clarke adjusted her rifle on her shoulder and smiled at the commander, nudging her horse into a trot towards the army.

One last fight... to end them all.

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The journey to Polis had felt surprisingly long. Lexa could do nothing but pity those who hadn't had a horse to carry them to their destination, and could only imagine the pain and tiredness in their legs. She had made a mental note as they hit the halfway mark to give them time to have some much needed rest. And that's exactly what Lexa did.

She sat next to her horse, the steed lifting its head to rest on her shoulder. She raised a brow and lifted a hand to stroke the soft fuzz of its forehead, gazing off into the distance at the tower that had been her home for so long. Polis looked so... dark... without her there. It looked corrupted, icy, lost. Lexa sighed.

The first thing she would do is light the flame that had been extinguished for years after her death. The great shadow across the city brought bile to Lexa's throat. The second thing she would do is repay her people, especially those who were tossed onto the streets despite their innocence. Lexa could still remember the shivering girl she found in the alleyway at the dead on night, curled into her mother to find warmth.

"You remember Anya don't you?" Lexa said quietly "You should. She looked after you as a foal"

At the mention of Anya, the horse gave Lexa's hand a nudge.

"I suppose you do" she looked back to the run down version of Polis ahead "I was always sad about my mother's death. I didn't understand it, and made me angry that she wasn't there. But Anya died, I realised she was my mother all along. She cared about me. And now I'm discussing my life with a horse."

Lexa shook her head and sighed "I just want to make her proud."

"Lexa?" Luna's voice flooded Lexa with relief.

"Luna" She stood abruptly, the horse huffing as she left her spot next to it "Did everything go as planned?"

"Yes. Not a single guard was killed. I got in, I got them out. No mistakes." Luna said proudly, glancing over her shoulder at a very heavily armoured Echo and Roan.

"Heda, I'm glad you chose to help us." Echo said

"Many people need you. Especially Bellamy." Lexa's response earned a wide-eyed stare from Echo "He was worried for your wellbeing. Perhaps you should reunite with him before we march?"

There woman's mouth opened and closed in shock several times before she ultimately nodded and rushed off to find Bellamy, leaving Roan to fend for himself.

"Can I trust you?" Lexa questioned him, folding her arms behind her back as she always did. It never failed to intimidate.

"Of course" Roan never broke eye-contact "You're my commander. I will never swear fealty to a beast who misunderstands our own traditions and leaders.

"He killed me"

"He did"

"Are you tempted to follow in his footsteps? Perhaps, to claim the title of commander for yourself? After all, Ice nation have longed for the position of commander for centuries."

Roan stepped closer, broad shoulders loose "I am king of ice nation. Echo and I are attempting to build the clan into a more peaceful selection of the coalition, rather than a one constantly active in war."

"Then I trust you." Lexa's hand shot out with such speed, Roans eyes flinched down to the movement in suspicion. But when he felt no pain, the realisation on his showed his mistakes and he gripped Lexa's forearm.

"Let's win your home back."

"Let's win your people back."

"They're yours too."

"Roan"

"Yes?"

"I was trying to give you a feeling of authority as a king. Call it an attempt to boost your king-like ego"

Lexa kept a straight face, even as the king turned towards her with a grin on his face. His smile slowly faltered into a frown when he saw the stern look on her face.

"What is it?" He questioned.

Lexa clenched her jaw, eyes ablaze "There he is."

Lexa glared as she spotted Pike storming towards them with such determination it would be difficult to miss him. Which is why every single man and woman stood behind Lexa unsheathed their swords, drew their bows, and loaded their guns. Lexa's hand shot up, preventing them.

"Heda-"

"Hello again Commander" Pike said with a vile smile on his face. He glanced around a the armed men surrounding him, who grinned "long time no see"

"I wish it had been longer" She spat

"I can tell" he looked at Lexa's army with a raised brow "Now were over out little reunion, how about we get to business hmm?"

"What are you talking about, Pike?" Lexa almost leapt from her skin as Clarke spoke beside her, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

"Well, this of course" He raised a detonator above his head, revealing the devise to everyone. His men laughed like it was the funniest joke he had ever told.

Lexa stared at it blankly, whilst Clarke's eyes widened comically. She drew her gun and aimed it at him.

"Pike put it down. Now."

"Ah-ah-ah" he said, thumb hovering over the switch "We wouldn't want an explosion going on around here, now would we?"

The stared at one another, challenging one another, threatening one another. Lexa caught on to the situation, and scanned around her. What could he possibly want to blow up? There were no mines or bombs around them. Raven would have spotted them by now.

"You know what? Maybe we would. How about it, huh? Teach some of the traitors a lesson, perhaps?" He paused, eyes glinting "Yeah. We found your little friends inside- the ones trying to start a... what was I called? A rebellion? In all honesty, there was already some trouble brewing in our army but hell, you just made it a lot harder. So, I thought, how about we stop it now? Yeah. Let's... have... some... fun"

He flicked the switch, the device letting out an automated beep of warning as it sent its signal.

Time, for Lexa, froze then and there. Everything seemed to move ten times slower than it had before hand. Bright yellows and oranges caught her attention over the deafening noise, and she swung her head in the direction.

Her tower- her home- was finally ablaze. But it was crumbling, toppling over like a house of cards, collapsing atop of the small village homes. Children, families, people Lexa cared for, screamed. Small bodies in the distance scrambled for safety only to be caught in another explosion. The gateways of Polis, once tall and powerful, blew open, and the walls surrounding it collapsed like a line of dominoes.

"No!" She heard Luna scream somewhere in the near distance.

"Oh my god" was nothing but a faint whisper from Clarke.

"Son of a bitch!"

Pike had all but vanished by the time Lexa had looked in his direction, seeking out revenge. So she didn't do anything. She didn't tend to the rage bubbling inside her, burning through her veins and tearing through her mind.

She dropped to her knees hands lacing together above her head as she watched the remains of her tower fall into nothing but a pile of rubble.

Her home, Polis, had been reduced to ashes. Flames still crackled against the wooden village huts. Black clouds of smoke still hovered in the skies. People burned to death, crying out for mercy.

And Lexa did nothing but watch.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did a song for this chapter! This time it’s ‘Says by Ruel!

Her knees had began to ache, the ground bellow her finally numbing the joints and making her skin throb. Her eyes burned red from the thick smoke that leaked from the wreckage. Black blood seeped from her overly clenched fists, nails cutting far too deep into her skin.

"Lex" a hand came to gently rest on her shoulder "Lexa you've been here for hours. It's getting dark."

Lexa refused to respond. The flames burned brighter in the dimming light, after all.

"Please, come have something to eat. Get some rest. We can look for survivors in the morning and-"

"No" Lexa grumbled. Her voice was thick with emotion, croaky from the smoke, lost- like her people.

"Lexa please just-"

"I said. No." Lexa pushed the hand from her shoulder and stood, legs weak. She took the reigns of her loyal horse which hadn't once dared to move from where she had left it.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Clarke moved to stand in front of her. She clasped a hand over hers to stop her.

"Let go, Clarke"

"Not until you tell me where you're planning on going."

Lexa clenched her jaw and looked up. That anger she had was slowly burning it's way out. She moved to mount her horse but the blonde gripped her arms to stop her. She turned to Clarke.

"Lexa just wait until day, you're upset I know but just stay." Clarke nearby begged. She gently tugged on her arm, "stay"

Lexa drew her sword and lifted it to Clarke's throat, gripping her shirt in her fist with the other and pinning her against the poor horse's side. Clarke's eyes widened with shock... and fear.

"If you don't let me go, Clarke. I will kill you." Lexa whispered "Don't make me kill you. I have to do this. Don't make me kill you."

"Lexa-"

"Clarke. Please!" Her hands shook, tears rolling down her cheeks. Clarke bit her lip, watching the broken women quiver in a fight against rage and fear within herself.

"You know I'd never hurt you. Right?"

Lexa's voice echoed around Clarke's head like a mantra. Green eyes looked wild as they stared back at her, but they were still hers.

"Lex" she whispered, pouring her heart into the one nickname.

She slowly touched Lexa's arm, pushing it gently away from her. The sword retreated from her throat, and dropped to the floor. She wiped the tears from the brunettes eyes and smiled up at her. That was all it took to bring Lexa back to reality.

The commander dropped to her knees for a second time, and let out a loud sob which echoed further than she could ever allow before. Lexa face clashed into Clarke's abdomen and she cried into her shirt. Clarke ran her fingers through the chestnut hair and sighed, closing her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Lexa sniffed against her "I didn't- I didn't mean-"

"I know." Clarke smiled again

"How?"

"You told me you'd never hurt me. I still believe you."

"I won't. I won't."

Clarke noticed eyes peering through the trees which no doubt belonged to Lexa's loyal soldiers. It must be new to see Lexa in such a state, crying instead of remaining stoic and emotionless. But Clarke didn't feel sorry for her. In fact, she felt proud of her for showing her feelings. Because love, sadness and joy still existed in the world, no matter how many times people tried to ignore it.

"I'm not going to stop you from leaving"

Lexa pulled away from Clarke and looked up at her from her knees, waiting for her to continue.

"But I'm going with you."

"No"

"You need someone there with you."

"Wanheda is right." A tall man stepped forward through the trees. His heavily tattooed arms bulged through his thin shirt, large calloused hands holding an even larger battle axe over his shoulder. His dark blue eyes watched them with something Clarke could only label as inspiration. A few other men of similar sizes appeared behind him, as well as several fierce looking women "We will go with you."

Lexa quickly got to her feet, wiping her face with her forearm to make herself more presentable. Clarke ran a hand down her side to provide some form of comfort or support.

"There's no need to be ashamed of crying, heda" He spoke softly for a man his size "My children were in Polis. I have cried also."

"You should go rest. Take time to mourn your losses"

"The dead are gone, the living are hungry." He said "I heard you say that years ago in TonDC. After the first alliance with skaikru."

Lexa gave him a lone nod after a moment of thought, and mounted her horse, leaning down to hold out her hand for Clarke. The blonde swiped up the sword that still rested on the ground and took her hand.

"Hey, where are you going?" Luna questioned as she jogged towards her

"Where do you think?"

"I'm coming with you."

"I'm leaving now."

"I'll catch up"

Lexa huffed and prepared to argue for Luna to stay, but arms wrapped around her waist and blonde hair fell on her shoulder as Clarke leant into her from behind her. She closed her mouth.

"Let's just go. If anyone wants to join us, they can" Clarke said quietly

"I was supposed to go alone"

"Well, you're stuck with us, aren't you?"

"I want whoever stays behind in the rubble as soon as the flames have calmed down to search for survivors" Lexa nudged her horse into a light trot and called over her shoulder "As for you, mount up. Do not fall behind as I will not stop."

With the trampling of heavy hooves behind and below her, galloping in the direction where Pike had disappeared to. She kept an eye on the trail of footprints left behind foolishly by Pike. Clearly, he wasn't as smart as he thought he was. Lexa looked back to the remains of Polis one more time before she disappeared behind the trees.

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"Luna? Hey!" Raven caught Luna's hand "You're not going with them, are you?"

Luna turned to stare at Raven with confusion, as if it was ridiculous for Raven to even think she would stay behind. She gave a heavy shrug.

"We need you here"

"Raven, Pike is out there with Lexa tracking him down. Polis is in ruins and Lexa could be in danger."

"What about all those people inside Polis who are still alive? Are they not in danger too?" Raven gripped her shoulders "Are you going to run away from this mess and leave them, just to kill a man who's probably already dead? Look Pike is a real unique kind of asshole but Lexa has this! Those people need you!" Luna glared back at her, both women taking on a menacing stance. But Raven stood her ground, and Luna gave in.

Luna pushed away Raven's hands from her shoulders and spun on her heels, making her way towards the group of people who sat huddled around a small fire, mumbling quietly to themselves. At the sound of Luna's angered voice, their heads shot up.

"Members of floukru, I want you to weave large water buckets and fill them up at the lake. You'll find it just south of Polis- it's where they find most of their water source." She turned around the campfire, eyes on a mission as she searched the people "Trikru. Make as many stretchers you can with the materials we have. Everyone else, come with me. We're searching the ruins"

"For survivors?"

"And the dead. They all deserve a burial, and their traditions should be respected." Luna said "Find Abby. We will no doubt need her medical expertise very soon"

Monty rushed towards her, eyes wide and strangely ready "Jasper is still in there- I... I... what can I do?"

"What do you suggest?"

"I can... find herbs. Make some burn ointments or something? Harper can help me."

"Good. Bellamy, Echo, come with me. I need as much help as I can find to find as many survivors as I can. Polis is large in area, which means we need as many teams as possible transporting people here and away from the rubble and fire."

"I was going to go regardless of what you were going to tell me" Echo said, stretching her arms. Bellamy smiled warmly at her, squeezing her shoulder gently.

Luna was on a mission as she stormed down the slope of grass and towards Polis. Her hands were clenched into tight fists as she reached the perimeter of the rubble and flames. She could tell which stone had came from the tower, which stone had came from the surrounding buildings. There was nothing left of the wooden village homes apart from small splinters of broken wood. Luna stumbled her away over to the innocent victims.

There were more people than she had ever imagined, sprawled across the floor with their limbs tangled in awkward places from their panic. They were still. Entirely and painfully still. She walked up to a the closest corpse- a tall, slender man whose cheekbones protruded all too far out, and who's ribs could be seen through his shirt. The poor men and women of Polis had been starving over Pike's rule, and it only made Luna more blood thirsty.

She gently gripped his shoulder, as if too much pressure would cause I'm to fade between her fingers, and rolled him on his side. At first, she focused on his face which, even in death, looked terrified and afraid. But then something else. A bundle of blankets rolled from between his arms.

She brushed back fuzzy curls as she ducked her head down to explore the blankets. She carefully threaded her fingers through the folds of the blankets, and was met with warmth. Frowning, she pushed back the stained cloth.

"Holy shit" came Bellamy's whisper

A small baby, with hands and feet still blue from birth, lay motionless on the ground.

"She can't be more than a few days old." Echo said carefully as she got closer, she looked over to the man "he must have spent everything he had to feed her. I suppose he tried to shield her from the blast too."

"Well, he failed to shield her well enough." Luna mumbled quietly to herself.

The way the baby lay still in her arms, eyes closed and still, drew her to anger. She gently lay her back on the blankets.

"What are you doing?" Echo questioned

But Luna ignored her. Instead, she placed trap fingers on the baby's chest and lightly pressed. She repeated it for a few moments.

"Chest compressions." Bellamy explained as he bent down to help.

Luna felt the tears bubbling in her eyes. She told herself she would be fine with seeing the corpses. She had seen many before. But those bodies were on battlefields, and the dead had been her enemy. These people were innocent, people of all ages.

"Come on" Luna whispered with a rugged breath.

A short gasp caught in the baby's throat, followed by a loud roar of crying. Dark brown emerged from behind her eyelashes as wide eyes flew open and stared up at her. Luna sighed heavily and lifted the tiny body into her arms, rubbing her back in small circles.

"It's okay, you're okay." Luna cooed gently into the baby's ear "Everything is going to be okay now, I promise."

The baby's loud cries dissolved into small whimpers just as Luna's shoulder had formed a small patch of tears in her shirt. She took that time of peace and quiet to wrap her back up in the bankers. She looked up at Echo.

"Take her back to Raven. Get her to take care of her until this is all over, and ask Abby to check her over." Luna ordered, handing the baby into a stunned Echoes arms. The other woman fumbled to hold the child properly, earning a small chuckle from Bellamy. Luna wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and lightly closed the dead father's eyes.

"Yu gonplei ste odon" she said sadly before standing, eyes scanning the rest of the people "Search every body, look for anyone alive. This may take a while."

"What are you going to do?" Bellamy asked

"I'm going to go further into the rubble. Try dig around and find people inside."

"You should wait for a team..."

"Every second we wait, another person could die. I'm not waiting." Luna bit back.

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It was far into the late hours of morning by the time Luna returned to their makeshift camp, legs almost giving out from below her as she made her way up the hill. The flames had completely died out now, and nothing but smoke came from the destruction of Polis.

She had spent all night moving back and forth to stretchers on the outskirts of Polis, injured men and women slumped over her shoulders, sometimes even two at a time if she could manage.

Each time she went back, she went back with the same thought- 'just one more'. One more turned into two, two turned into three until she had practically emptied the entirety of the wounded within the ruins. Burns decorated her forearms and shins from reaching into flames to pull out the victims. The grazes on her knees from the many times she stumbled to the ground with the weight of another on her back. Her last rescue was a person that had Monty crying in relief: Jasper.The look on Monty's face made her realise how important one more really was.

"Hey" Raven approached, the baby still in her arms just like Luna had requested "god, at you okay?"

Luna pressed a light kiss to Raven's cheek, despite the ash and suit that was dusted over her face. She let out an exhausted breath as she dropped onto the ground with her back against a tree. She smiled up at the mechanic, and tugged on her hand to pull her down with her.

"I am now" She said with a small smile.

"I should find Abby to look over those burns..."

"Not yet." Luna whispered as she wrapped her arms around Raven, resting her chin on her shoulder "Not now."

Raven relaxed into her arms, leaning back with a content sigh "They found Isaac's little sister, you know? She's safe... Jay would have been relieved about that" there was a pause where Luna nodded and squeezed her lightly in support "Do you know if you got everyone out?"

"As many as I could find. Did Abby take a look at the baby?"

"Yes. She's surprisingly okay. When Abby was checking her over I found a name stitched on her blanket" Raven shifted the baby in her arms to pull the corner of the blanket out and show Luna.

"Natalia" Luna read the detailed font out loud. She smiled and leant over Raven to gently run a thumb over the baby's soft cheek "You look like a Natalia, don't you?"

Curious eyes stared up at the two women, mouth opening and closing to test the movement. "Aaaaah" the baby let out suddenly as she kicked her legs. The two older women laughed quietly.

"I think we should look after her. Just for a little while until we find her mother." Raven whispered.

"I think we should" Luna smiled into Raven's neck.

Her violent thoughts of bringing Pike's life to an end had vanished, instead being replaced with thoughts of rebuilding the future- which definitely included Raven. Luna had done her part, now it was Lexa's turn.


	20. Chapter 20

Lexa tugged the reigns back, slowing her horse down to a light trot. After travelling with no sign of movement for at least half an hour, even the smallest shift had her attention. So when she heard the leaves shuffle, and a branch jerk to the side, her eyes narrowed instantly.

"What is it?" Clarke whispered in her ear, arms tightening around her waist

"Wait here" Lexa replied, sliding down from her horse. She motioned to one of the men on his horse to follow her. He obeyed without a second thought.

She clenched her jaw tightly, unsheathing her sword. She raised a hand and motioned for her few archers to draw their bows in preparation of an attack. Lexa wasn't willing to take anymore chances this time, and Pike would die before anyone else did. She was sure of it. She heard the click of Clarke's rifle as she loaded the weapon and propped it against her shoulder, aiming through the scope.

"Show yourself. Immediately." Called the tall man, towering over Lexa from beside her.

Glancing up at him, she felt a rather shameful relief that she was with her and on her side. He jabbed his spear into the shrubs and branches, where the early morning sunlight still couldn't quite reach. There was a moment where he paused, eyes fixated on a spot in the dark, when Lexa took a step closer. A sound she had came to recognise after meeting skaikru met her ears in a hushed whisper. But she still heard it.

"Get down!" She yelled, and all but leapt on the man beside her to pull him to the ground and away from the gunfire. Bullets sprayed above their heads, and many people yelled as they scrambled for cover.

The yellow flashes of light and heavy gunfire had rapidly faded though, and a small group people charged out from the shadows of the trees, reaching the number of 20 people at the highest. But amongst the yelling, Lexa heard something else. Heavy footsteps, heading in the opposite direction of her. Someone was fleeing.

Lifting her head, she glanced over to where she had left Clarke. The horse lay on the ground, a bullet hole gaping in the centre of its head. Clarke lay below it, legs trapped below the heavy weight of the gentle animal. A halo of blonde hair surrounded her head as she jerked to free herself from under the horse.

"Clarke?" She yelled

Clarke let out a frustrated cry, ripping out her gun and aiming as an enemy approached her "I'm fine Lexa! Go after him!" The loud crack sounded as her gun fired.

"Clarke-"

"We can't let him get away again! Go! I'll be fine!"

"I'll help her, you must go Heda."

Lexa hesitated, torn between helping Clarke, and chasing after the only person she knew would run- Pike.

Lexa let out a growl in her own frustration "If she so much as has a scratch on her when I get back, I'll kill you myself." She hissed at him. She softened, looking back at the toppled horse as she saw the fear in the man's eyes installed by her threats "I love her. Please... don't let her get hurt."

"Yes, Heda" Lexa ignored the faint smile on his face as she gave Clarke one final perturbed stare before holding her breath and turning her back on her.

It felt like every stride away from her lover was another planet on her back to carry. She gritted her teeth and powered on into a thunderous sprint, footsteps so heavy with determination even Luna could feel the earth cracking below the heels of her boots all the way from Polis. The muscles in her legs ached with overuse.

The last time she must have ran like that, was when herself, Costia and Luna had fallen asleep on the borders of the broadleaf clan. They had almost trampled half of the woods in trikru by the time they finally reached Polis with a guilty look on their flushed faces. Anya had not been happy with the two initiates, and sent Costia home to lecture the girls on responsibility.

Lexa had learned the meaning of responsibility and held the definition close to her heart. Back then, Lexa had Polis to run back to as a child. And yet, as a stray tear streaked down her cheek, whipped away quickly by the wind surrounding her, she realised. There was no Polis to run back to. Pike had destroyed it.

Lexa began to slow down, after losing Pike's tracks of which she had been following. She frowned, watching the trackless dirt disappear below her feet. Something wasn't right. Pike was careless. Smart, but careless. If he had changed direction so quickly, he must have known someone was following.

Lexa minimised her run to a walk, scanning her surroundings for anything she could find. But there were no tracks. Branches seemed to be firmly attached, no traces of breakages from urgent movements. Bushes seemed to be untouched, no leaves laying on the ground from being jostled. Lexa drew her sword, suspicious of the area. Her heart dragged her mind to thinking about Clarke, who she had left behind. Was she safe? Should she go back?

She allowed herself to think too much, losing herself in her mind rather than her surroundings. A crushing body colliding with her own made her recognise her careless mistake.

Arms collided forcefully with her shoulders, slamming her into a tree behind her. The flash of a knife caught her attention before anything else did, and before she had time to think, her own arm came up to defend herself. The sword in her hand was momentarily forgotten, instead being cast to the side in her haste.

A strangled cry caught in her throat as the knife pierced through her forearm. Her eyes followed the tip as it burst through her flesh, glinting with blood.

"Jok!" (Fuck) Lexa all but choked, earning an amused raised brow from her opponent.

"If you had only stayed dead then everyone could have survived." Pike hissed. He tugged at the knife buried in Lexa's arm, removing it from its place.

Her arm throbbed, her eyes burned, and her heart ached. Like had murdered so many innocents- many of which Lexa knew. Everybody would be dead if Lexa didn't do something about it. She pushed her thoughts, her feelings, her mind, to the side, and acted. Just like Anya had taught her to do, the only thing that was on her mind was killing her opponent.

"Didn't you know?" She whispered "there's more to life than just surviving"

Lexa drove the heel of her boot into Pike's knee, feeling the bone bend and break below her foot. His howl of pain drew out a strong satisfaction in Lexa's mind.

Grabbing his wrist, she brought her elbow down to his forearm in such force Pike couldn't help but let out another pained shriek, the knife slipping from his between his fingers and landing at their feet.

The sound of his cries reminded Lexa of a dying animal. Perhaps a deer caught up in a faulty trap, left to suffer for the rest of its life, or have it be ended by the vicious predators of the woods. But then she look back at Pike.

Pike was no deer.

"Can't you see?" Pike exclaimed, voice cracking as his back hunched and his hand shot from his knee to his arm "You lost! Your reign is over! It has been for years, Lexa!"

"The time of the commanders is never truly over" Lexa leant down, collecting her sword from its place "Your time, however..."

Lexa kicked the psychotic leader and, in her thoughts, the pathetic excuse of a leader, to his broken and shattered knees. She had no sympathy for his quiet whimpers as she positioned the top of her sword at the base of his neck.

"Wait!" He gasped as the sharp blade, a product of Raven's fine craftsmanship, started to carve its way into his skin "Please! Just wait!"

"Pike kom skaikru. You are sentenced to death by the commanders blade for the murder of my people, and the suffering caused by your leadership." Lexa whispered, ignoring his pleas and cries "any last words?"

His breath hitched, and he puffed out fearful pants, hints of saliva following in the force of his breath. Beads of sweat formed at the top of his head and streamed down the back of his neck. He twitched- afraid.

"I never meant to hurt anyone" Pike whispered "I just wanted what was best for my people"

"No. You just wanted what was best for yourself. You wanted what would help you survive." Lexa countered, her growing paper thin.

"You don't have to do this" Pike said. He stared down at his dirty hands before him.

"The blood on your hands is unnecessary. I changed my ways, cleansed my hands with the understanding of the difference between what is wrong and what is necessary." She glared at the back of his head "you have an incapability of such a thing."

Pike settled onto his heels, leaning back against the point of the sword. It seemed, to Lexa, that Pike had accepted his ending. His fate. His death.

"Do it fast." He muttered.

Lexa's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. This man had no right to order her in such a way, after all he had done in her place after her death.

"Would you get on with it alrea-" Pike's voice was drowned out by an ear piercing howl, a loud sound that caused both the commander and Pike to wince and turn their heads.

Lexa knew the sound, she had encountered its source more than once. The slight crack of its wailing vocals, the pad of its paws in the distance. A mutation.

"Wonfau" Lexa lifted her sword from Pike, turning it towards her new threat.

"What?" Pike exclaimed "what's that?"

"Wolves" Lexa grumbled in annoyance

"In a pack?" Pike panicked, shuffling onto his hands and knees with a pained whine.

"Quiet!" Lexa kicked him in the stomach, sending him rolling onto his side with a grunt.

That was when she saw the first of its pack appear. She had countered them once before, when she was younger and hunting with Anya. Their features were easily recognisable. They had dark, matted fur which spiked up along their spine as they hunched their backs and snarled, foaming around at their mouth. Lexa knew she was in danger when the alpha bared his teeth, fixing her with a menacing gaze.

He was hungry, and she could see it in his eyes.

"Lexa..." Pike groaned, watching as shapes shifting in the forest emerged to reveal the rest of the pack.

"Shof op!" Lexa snapped. She watched them with alert eyes.

Then it happened. The first lunge of the Alfa that sent the rest of the pack into a wild frenzy. Paws scuffed up clouds of smoke as they snapped to sink their teeth into Lexa's flesh.

Slashing at the nearest wolf, she spun, sprinting to the closest tree she could find. She kicked off the ground, body colliding with the colossal trunk as she grabbed onto the branch above her. She felt the wound in her forearm twist and turn, drawing a cry from her throat as the pain reminded her of its existence.

Hungry jaws locked against her ankle and teeth sunk into her skin, attempting to tug her down in short violent spurts. Holding on with her healthy arm, she swung her sword aimlessly below her, trying to rid her limb of the hungry wolf.

The blade tore through the backs of several, causing whimpers and jolts amongst them, until finally reaching the wolf in question. The tip of the blade pierced into his skull, causing him to fall limp in an instant, releasing the commander from his hold.

And just as quick as he fell, Lexa climbed up the tree and away from the pack. Wincing, she settled herself back against the trunk, stretched out on the thick branch to keep her balance.

"Lexa!"

She turned her head to stare back down the tree, only to find pike clawing at the bark, a wolf latched to his back with its teeth sank into his shoulder.

"Lexa please! Help me! Please!"

She clenched her jaw until it cramped, her teeth feeling like they were about to shatter at any moment. Could she do it? Could she help him?

Her thoughts trailed. The memory of him aiming his gun at Clarke, the feeling of the bullet piercing through her stomach. The memory of his smile as he destroyed Polis with one switch. His merciless actions would, in Lexa's mind... lead to a merciless death.

Answering her own question, she shook her head- no.

She couldn't help him.

She wouldn't.

She tightened her grip on the branch below her and swung her leg down to kick Pike's hand from the bark. He fell. The Wolves snarled. Stumbled over their own pack's dead bodies for a piece of Pike's flesh. They were starved. And they found their meal.

Lexa wasn't one to gain satisfaction from another's pain. But the sound of Pike's gave her a sense of immense accomplishment that could only be found through years of being hungry to put an end to his reign and everything that came with it.

Closing her eyes, she sighed and leant her head back against the tree.

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It had been hours since Pike's whimpers had finally silenced. The pack had lingered around their food for a long while after they had finished eating. Lexa remained with her eyes closed, focused on the sound of the birds moving amongst the leaves above her, until they finally left.

The first thing she noticed as she opened her eyes, was that the sun was rising once more. It was too early for a sunrise yet, however the sky was growing lighter, and the sun was close to rising. The next thing she noticed, was the slight movement between the bodies of two dead wolves she had killed before hand.

Frowning, she slid from her place in the tree, clutching her forearm wound as she approached. The movement shifted the dark shaded fur, and she crouched down to get a closer look.

Two bright eyes stared up at her, watching her with fearful eyes. Her confusion shortly faded as the small wolf puppy wiggles its way out into the open before her, only to stare at her longer. She glanced around in search for the pack. Surely they'd come back for it... right?

The woods were empty around her.

The wolf pup nudged her good hand, nibbling at her finger tips. She couldn't help but find the adorable animal cute. Of course, she didn't admit that to herself. After all, she was the commander. The commander didn't find things 'cute'.

"Fine, I'll take you with me." Lexa shook her head and scooped the pup into her palm "However, if you urinate on my hand I'll leave you behind."

All that the commander received was a quiet yap as the bundle of black fur settled into her palm. She shook her head, and walked in the direction she had originally came from when she was in pursuit of Pike.

She could only hope Clarke was safe.


	21. Chapter 21

The early morning breeze lifted a light curled strand of brunette hair from her shoulder. It landed just above her jaw, tickling at her cheek. She whined, attempting to blow away the hair.

"Hey"

The voice annoyed her deeply, and she squeezed her eyes closed tighter in hope to get back to sleep. But the cap of a boot came into contact with her side, nudging her and bringing more hair into her face.

"Luna, wake up"

"What?" She whined, finally reaching up to swipe the hair from her face and look up.

Clarke stared down at her with her hands on her hips, concern splashing within watery blue eyes. Chestnut eyes flicked past her at the empty space behind the blonde. There was an absence of another person. A person who was very close to both of them.

"Where's Lexa?" She questioned, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I don't know" Clarke's hands slipped from her hips to hang loose at her sides. Luna noticed the blood smeared across her hands, buried dry beneath her finger tips.

"What happened? Who's blood is that?" Luna gripped Clarke's wrist to get a closer look.

"My horse's. Maybe one of Pike's guys?"

"What happened? Where's Lexa?" Luna asked once more

The blonde paused, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she glanced down into the grass "She went after Pike. He ran and, well she went after him."

"Alone?" She exclaimed, earning a nod from the other girl "And she isn't back yet?"

"No. No she isn't"

Pushing herself to her feet, Luna stretched out her tired muscles and started towards the trees "I have to go find her."

"Woah, wait" Clarke held out her arm to stop her "You need to stay"

"Why Clarke? She could be hurt! Or dead for all we know!"

Clarke flinched at her words. Even though she still managed to get Lexa back, it still hurt to hear her name and that word in the same sentence together. "I know" she whispered

"Then why are you so conflicted on letting me help her?" She yelled "She's all I have!"

"Luna"

Clarke spoke quietly, calmly. As if her words would cool off her anger quickly and effectively. It didn't.

"Look behind you."

With a loud puff of a sigh, she turned on her heels. At first, she had no idea what the blonde girl was trying to say. But then she lowered her gaze, and understood.

Raven lay on her back, head turned to the side and rested on her red jacket. In Luna's opinion, she was most beautiful when she was sleeping. She looked more at peace, looked her age, and most certainly didn't look like she was in pain or had been tortured far more than once in her time down on earth.

But what caught her off guard was the sleeping baby that lay on her chest, hand gripping tightly to her grey tattered shirt. Natalia.

"She's not all you have." Clarke spoke from behind her "You have Raven, and... the kid"

Luna turned her head, brow furrowed in confusion.

"You need to stay. For them."

"But what about Lexa? She's my family too, Clarke. I care about them but I also care about her."

Clarke pondered for a moment. She knew she needed Luna's help. God, she needed all the help she could find. She was worried sick about Lexa to the point where she couldn't stand to take another breath because it hurt so much. With a tight lipped smile, she nodded.

"We'll give it until noon and we go look for her. Okay?"

"Fine. Do I get to go back to sleep now?"

Clarke nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away. She walked to the outskirts of the woods, sitting down at the bottom of a large trunk. Leaves crunched below her, and she shuffled back to lean against the tree.

She could see Murphy wondering further into the trees, hands in his pockets, back slightly hunched. His typical stance was almost depressing, but it was always a comforting sight to see the same old Murphy wondering aimlessly. His arms came out to balance as he walked down a log, legs swing to place his feet one in front of the other as he whistled. After choosing to end his little balancing game, he reached down beside his foot, emerging with a palm sized rock. He threw it weakly.

Even as Clarke watched the distraction of which was John Murphy, she still couldn't pull the same question from her mind.

Where the hell was Lexa?

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Where the hell am I? Lexa thought as she limped stumbled through the woods. The pain in her arm had became almost unbearable, and she must have lost much more blood than she originally thought. Her eyes were beginning to droop, and her mind was fuzzy.

Which way did I just come from again?

She was lost. Completely and utterly lost. Her sense of direction had never been so flawed since she first began training with Anya. Back then, every tree looked the same, and every stack of leaves and twigs looked indifferent from the rest. Just like they did now. The small puppy whined in her hand, licking at her thumb.

"You're... hungry?" Lexa breathed out, almost stumbling over a falling branch. The young wolf yapped in response, giving the skin of her palm a light nip "Stop it" Lexa whined.

The puppy surprisingly did as he was told, and curled up into a tight ball, closing his eyes.

If Lexa wasn't holding him, she could have probably kept more pressure on her wound, losing less blood and as a result make it back to Clarke faster. But she was tired of leaving people to die. She thought perhaps, she could begin with helping this puppy.

The distraction of the baby animal causes her foot to get tangled in an external root of a tree. It felt like it was almost tugging her to the ground as she fell. And as she landed in the shrubbery, the puppy squealed in surprise and fear. Her consciousness was giving up on itself, and her eyes slowly slid shut.

The last thing she saw was her new found puppy pawing at her cheeks as he nibbled at the tip of her nose.

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"Clarke?" Murphy's voice echoed back to her, his tone thick with confusion and... worry? "Clarke!"

The blonde pulled herself up from the tree "What is it Murphy?"

"You're going to wanna see this" He said. In the distance, she could see him crouch down.

Immediately, her pace picked up, and she was leaping over vines and woods-like objects to meet Murphy. Her feet almost collapsed from below her when she could see past the long grass and Murphy's figure.

A body lay in the dirt between high reaching patches of grass on its side. The tips of the brunette braids were soaked in blood, which seemed to be slowly oozing from a forearm wound.

"Lexa?" Clarke gasped as she dropped to her knees, immediately rushing to her lover's aid. She tore up the fabric of her jacket to make a makeshift rag and stop the bleeding. She tied it as softly as she could around the woman's forearm, still ensuring it was tight enough to apply some sort of pressure "Lex, are you with me?"

She spoke softly with fear in her shining blue eyes, and she lent over to check her pulse on the soft skin of her neck. The thudding against her fingertips forced a relieved sigh from her lips, before she lifted her hand to brush against Lexa's pale, smooth cheeks, swiping away a leaf which has stuck to her face whilst she was unconscious.

What she didn't expect, however, was the loud yap that came from the dip in Lexa's waist. Both John and Clarke turned in confusion at the small bump under Lexa's thin black shirt as it wiggled to fight its way out.

"What the hell?" Murphy commented "What is that?"

"I.. don't know" Clarke said quietly, reaching for the bottom of Lexa's shirt. As soon as she lifted it puppy height, out shot an energetic puppy, yapping as he barrelled up Lexa's hips before sliding down her leg onto the floor. Both people watched in shock as the puppy used the commander as a sort of play frame.

"You're seeing this, right Clarke?" John said

"Yeah, Murphy. I am"

The small pup sprinted up Lexa's arm, paws flailing as he attempted to run in a straight line. As he reached her shoulder, he lost balance and fell into the crook of Lexa's neck. Small eyes looked around in confusion before he decided it was a comfortable place to be, and he stopped squirming to nuzzle further into Lexa's neck.

"I think we might need some help getting her back" Clarke murmured, still staring at the commander and her puppy.

"...yeah" Murphy said, also unable to tear his eyes away.

Until of course, Clarke elbowed him in his side, forcing him to jump out of his own mind and start running back to camp. Clarke shuffled closer to Lexa, stroking the puppy.

"Well Lex, this was not what I was expecting at all" she said quietly with a small laugh.

She could have sworn she saw Lexa's lips quirk ever so slightly.

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The throbbing pain in Lexa's arm was the first thing that brought her back to consciousness. That, and the glaring mid-day sun that she just so happened to be staring directly at. She grunted quietly, turning her head to the side. That was when her face was engulfed by curly hair.

After years and years of facing the same problem, she knew who it was.

"Luna?"

Silence.

"Luna"

Finally, a sigh leapt from Luna's lips as she turned to face the commander, bushy hair flipping behind her. Dark brown eyes stared down at Lexa.

"Hello" Luna commented, dropping on her back once more

"Hello" Lexa replied

"What happened to you?"

"Oh well, you know. The usual." Lexa glanced at the girl once more, taking in the ash that still painted her face and clothes "How about you?"

Luna shrugged "The usual"

The silence hit them once more, and Lexa's free hand quietly played with the hem of her own shirt to keep her occupied. She had been so used to just laying in silence with Luna as a child, yet she had still forgotten what it was like. It was a strange feeling, nostalgic for sure, but also a comforting feeling. It was like having her sister back.

"Did you finish it?" Luna whispered "Did you kill him?"

Lexa took her time answering "He is dead"

Her words hit them both for the first time, Lexa finally coming to terms with what had happened. Pike was dead. She had left him to die.

"You did it" Came a whisper.

Lexa lifted her head from where it had came to rest, and found Clarke standing, staring. Lexa simply nodded.

The blonde girl with teary blue eyes dropped down and hugged the commander, pouring her heart and soul into the one person between her shaking arms. Clarke's whispers of love and care in her ear have her a feeling of something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt like she was finally home.

"I'm sorry about Polis, Lexa. It was your home." Clarke said softly, running her fingers to untie the knots in Lexa's hair.

"Polis is nothing but a structure, Clarke. It can be rebuilt with time." Lexa assured. Clarke pulled away from their embrace to flash a warm smile. A smile which Lexa matched with ease.

"Everyone!" Jaspers recognisable voice caught everyone's attention "Hey! Listen up!"

The lanky man scrambled onto the hood of skaikru's rover, which Bellamy had managed to retrieve to transport the wounded from Polis to their makeshift infirmary. If his voice hadn't managed to gain people's attention, his helpless attempts to get onto the hood certainly did.

Kindly, as well as discreetly, Lincoln offered him a small hand onto the Rover.

Clearing his throat and brushing off the dirt from his trousers, Jasper stood up straight, spreading his arms out in celebration "The asshole is dead! Woo!" He cheered, before pumping his fists in the air "I think it's time good old Jasper Jordan started brewing some of his best moonshine, huh!? Party time!"

Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes. Of course Jasper's first thought would be a party.

"Uh... anyways" He said, lowering his arms. He shuffled from foot to foot and clasped his hands together "On a more serious note. I think we all need to reflect on ourselves. We lost so many people in this war against Pike. Including a treasured commander, who somehow managed to come back to life and save all our asses..."

"Jasper" Octavia whispered "what are you-"

"I think we all owe this... ghost commander" his words earned a small chuckle from the crowd of warriors who had gathered "For saving us all. But we also owe ourselves. Every single person who fought to get Polis back and rid Pike of his leadership... none of this would have happened without you either. The war is over. Now we can go back to living in peace, rebuild, enjoy being with the people we have left. Celebrate yourself. God knows you've earned it."

There was a wave of silence throughout the camp, nothing but a small whisper of "what is god?" Until finally, and slowly one after another, people began to clap, until finally an applause flooded its way toward Jasper.

He grinned and lifted his fists to the air one more time before jumping off the hood of the rover.

"Well, that was dramatic but surprisingly inspiring" Raven said sitting herself down behind Luna, who quickly shuffled her head into the other woman's lap. She tickled the baby's nose, earning a hiccup of a giggle.

Lexa turned to them, eying the child which Raven clutched protectively "And who is this?" She questioned quietly

"Natalia" Luna whispered. The baby turned in Raven's arms at her name "We confirmed the loss of her mother through others who lived in Polis with them. Her father passed protecting her. We've decided to look after her."

"She already seems to be taking after you" Lexa watched the baby wiggle with unrest.

"Your humour is draining my life span" Luna commented.

"Speaking of taking after people" Clarke interrupted "That wolf pup we found you with."

Lexa turned quickly "He... is he still alive?"

"Yes. I suppose you'll be glad to know that Monty and Harper have been looking after him while you were out. He made repetitive escapes to find you though. There's been quite a few times they've been running around this camp driven insane trying to find him."

"That sounds like Monty to be fair" Raven chuckled. The baby's hand shot out and grabbed her hair, tugging on it "ouch! Ow stop it! Stop it now! Ouch, child! Ouch!"

"Raven the not how you get her to stop. You know this" Luna sighed, sitting up and leaning over Natalia, who also grabbed a fist full of her brunette curls "hey, hey, hey, no. Let go!"

Lexa and Clarke glanced at one another and laughed. It seemed that the two women still had a lot to learn about raising children.

But after all, there was plenty of time to find out.


	22. Epilogue Part 1

Clarke sunk against the wall opposite the door. It had only been a few minutes after Lexa had left, but she was already feeling the separation- the deep burning feeling in her heart which continuously called "come back"

She rolled her eyes at herself, conscious of how needy and reliant she had became on Lexa. Although, she wasn't the only one. The now two year old dog that was once a small puppy sat beside her, tail sunken to the ground, big round eyes staring relentlessly at the door.

It seemed that Atlas had that same feeling.

She lent her head back, dragging a gentle hand over the swell in her stomach. Her heart seemed to flutter at the feeling, and she couldn't help the small curl in her lips, daydreaming of the future.

The handle of the door turned, no squeak or whine in the fresh new mechanisms. Clarke's hand shot from her stomach, slapping down onto the light wood of the floor. Atlas's head jumped at the sudden sound.

Lexa emerged from behind the door, glancing curiously down at Clarke and Atlas together. She let out a small laugh, balancing the bow from her shoulder in the corner, along with her quiver of arrows.

"What are you doing on the floor, Clarke?" She questioned, adjusting the bag of game on her shoulder.

Clarke grinned and pushed herself up from the floor, a hand shooting out to grab her as she wobbled.

"Just waiting for you" She said, noticing the full bag on Lexa's shoulder "I take it you got lucky out their today?"

"Don't I always?" Lexa said, making her way into the kitchen and dumping her bag on the table.

"You do" Clarke peeked inside the bag before letting out an exasperated sigh "I'm starving!"

"Clarke you ate before I left" Lexa mumbled digging through a cupboard for herbs.

"I know" Clarke chirped

"Clarke do you know where the rosemary is? I remember it being next to the oregano..." Lexa's voice grew more distance as she searched further into the cupboard.

"Lexa?"

"Clarke there is so much garlic but no rosemary? I picked some only a few days ago!"

"Lexa!"

Lexa jumped back out from the cupboard, turning to face Clarke, bright green eyes wide with curiosity. Clarke knew when Lexa gave her those eyes, she had her full attention. She smiled.

"Lexa, you remember how we were talking to my mom and Raven?"

Lexa sat against the table, brows slightly raised "Yes, Clarke"

"It worked"

There was a pause. A long, drawn out, silent pause. The brunette tilted her head, thoughts racing. Clarke watched on with a smile, awaiting Lexa's reaction.

"You... it..." Lexa stuttered on her words, her own tongue betraying her "What?"

"Lexa, I'm pregnant"

_Clarke watched her mothers hands as she adjusted the Petri dish in her hands. Raven stood, arms crossed, watching statistics on her newest design with a look of pride in her eyes._

_"Who would have thought I'd be building an advanced IVF lab just for you, Princess?"_

_"In vitro fertilisation is a procedure which uses a sperm and an egg, Raven." Abby mumbled in concentration "This... uses two eggs"_

_"Sounds complicated"_

_"It is" Clarke muttered_

_"Well forgive me Wanheda, I'm a little rusty in biology" Raven put a hand on her shoulder "How are you going to get a baby without any spunk Doctor Griffin?"_

_Clarke rolled her eyes, watching her mother place down the Petri dish and turn to Raven._

_"I've had a theory that if I were to take two eggs, I could merge the nuclei together and trigger a fertilising reaction through the use of-"_

_"Okay, that's enough biology for me!" Raven interrupted "I'd prefer to stick to my gadgets and doo-dahs"_

_"I thought you might" Abby chuckled, as adjusting the papers on her lab desk "Ready to try this Clarke?"_

_"Nope" The blonde shrugged her shoulders "let's do this"_

"You're pregnant" Lexa repeated

"Thats what I said..."

It was a curious sight. To see the cogs tick and turn inside Lexa's mind, simply through her clear glassy eyes. Her shirt dipping as her heart pounded, pink crawling up her neck in an anxious blush. Suddenly, as if a spirit of air clapped her soul to life, she moved forward.

The brunette took her wife in her arms, gently as if to not harm her, as if she were the most fragile thing in her life. Her touches were gentle as she caressed the smallest bump below Clarke's shirt.

"How long have you had her for?" Lexa whispered. Clarke drew back her head to meet her eyes.

"Lexa, how do you know it's a girl?"

"My heart whispers the truth, Clarke"

Clarke smiled at the tall brunette before her "Oh really?" She leant her head on Lexa's chest, leaning in and feeling her weight be taken in by two strong arms and steady feet "What else does that heart of yours say?"

Lexa's heart pounded against her chest, and yet, a laugh seemed to vibrate through her ribs in a frenzy of joy. Clarke ran her hands up and down the smooth skin of her arms in hope to calm the poor commanders heart.

"It is scared, I do believe, Clarke" Lexa whispered

"So is mine" Clarke whispered back

"But" Lexa ran her hands over the silky blonde hair of her wife "I couldn't think of a better way to feel fear"

Clarke let out a giggle into Lexa's shoulder, something that the commander had hardly heard- and her face twisted in confusion.

"Lexa?"

"Yes, Clarke?"

"I'm still hungry"

"Oh!"

Lexa released Clarke immediately, rushing to her game bag to begin cooking her pregnant wife's next meal. Atlas followed on her heels, hungry for scraps. The blonde took a seat at the table, head propped up on her hand as she watched the most violent of warriors swerve around the kitchen in a sense of comfort.

This was no battle field, Lexa was no warrior in those walls.

This was their home, and Lexa- a mother.


	23. Epilogue Part 2

Lexa's knees dug into the dirt, her hands peeling from the sudden use of tools. A small drop of blood seeped from the crease of her hand, slowly gliding down the length of her finger and jumping to the ground from her fingertip. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, taking a deep breath.

Ever so carefully, she poured the grounder mix of concrete into the hole she had dug, swiping at it with a slate to flatten it. She stood with confidence, lifting up the tall heavy log she had recently cut. Bending her knees slightly, she let it stand in the concrete, a dull ache in her back as she held it straight. After using rope to keep her log steady, she let go, and flattened the concrete once more.

Lexa has grown fond of the building work she had seen throughout the clans, and had decided to take on some herself. So far, it had turned out to be more enjoyable than she realised. It was nice to work hard with something again, even if that something was not winning a war.

"Lex?"

Lexa jumped, the dull ache in her back suddenly leaping at her spine. She winced.

"Yes, Clarke?" She turned

"Are you having trouble with your back again?"

Lexa straightened her posture, feeling the light grind and pop of the sore bones. "Of course not, Clarke. I'm fine"

Clarke rolled her eyes, holding out her hand for Lexa to take. Obviously, without hesitation, the commander slid her fingers into the soft skin of her hand.

"Lex, who am I?"

Lexa's brows furrowed "You're... Clarke?"

"Clarke who?"

She stared "Clarke Griffin, second in command of the United 13 Clans including Skaikru and Azgeda. Wife to Lexa Kom Trikru, mother of Amell kom skaikru and trikru, as well as Cora kom skaikru and trikru. Daughter of doctor Abby Griffin and Jake Griffin"

Clarke watched her wife, dumbfounded "Lexa... I just meant that I'm your wife."

"That... I knew that." She scuffed her feet across the concrete dust left in the ground

"What I was trying to say is, I know you. Love, I can see it in your eyes." Clarke ran her hand up Lexa's arm "Come inside, we can get someone else to do this later."

"Clarke I would like to do this. It is for the children."

"Lex-"

"Clarke, please. They both need somewhere to expand their own minds in their own way"

"They can do that in our home, love"

"No, Clarke. This is somewhere that they can make theirs, and use it for their own interests."

Clarke sighed, glancing back towards the skeleton of the hut. Her heart throbbed; the brunette was really trying for their children. "Alright. But you have to take breaks, and look after yourself. You're not as young as you were, and all those battles have really worn you down"

"I am not worn down. I am the commander."

"Sure, Lex. Sure. Now come inside"

Giving up on her building work for the moment, lexa nudged the empty bucket to the side with her foot and allowed Clarke to lead her inside, and to the couch.

"Alright, sit" Clarke grasped Lexa's shoulders and pushed lightly, the brunette collapsing into the soft cushions in response with a heavy sigh. She released her grip, and swept her hands beneath Lexa's shirt to brush up and down her still well-toned sides. "Alright, lay down on your front for me"

"Clarke..." she whined, looking at her like a child as if to say 'do I have to?'

"Lexa..." Clarke replied in the same tone. Yet there was a warning in her voice that the other woman picked up on almost instantly. As a result of this, Lexa settled herself comfortably between the pillows on the couch. "That's better"

She settled on the couch beside her, and gently pushed up the back of Lexa's shirt. Even after so many years, the beautiful image of Lexa's tattoo took Clarke's breath away. The ink had never once began to fade with age, most likely keeping to the theme of Lexa's pride.

She had a small smile on her lips and she ran her hands up and down the smooth skin of Lexa's back, still toned and strong "Where was it hurting?"

"Clarke..."

"Okay, tell when I reach it then" Clarke sighed, and slowly ran her fingers down Lexa's spine, pressing lightly. It took a few seconds to reach centre of Lexa's back, where the brunette took a sharp breath in response to. The muscles in her back tensed ever so slightly.

"There?" The commander nodded in response "alright"

Clarke could feel the clump of muscle loosening below her fingers as she gently massaged it, and felt the low grumble vibrate through Lexa's back as she groaned.

"I take it this is a good spot, hmm?" Clarke laughed.

Lexa muttered a quiet "mhm" into the pillow that her face was currently buried in. While Lexa was distracted by the massaged muscles in her back, Clarke quickly pressed her palm to the centre of Lexa's spine. She grinned at the satisfying pop she received.

"Jok!" Lexa exclaimed, both in shock and relief.

"Does that feel better, love?" Clarke smiled. She knew that I'd she told Lexa she was going to do that, she would have never let her. The last time she told Lexa she was going to pop her back, the brunette got too jumpy and chickened out.

"So much better..." Lexa stretched her arms behind her back, and Clarke caught her hands to kiss "Thank you, Clarke"

"You're more than welcome, Lex"

There was a slam of the front door that echoed through the walls and shook the paintings that were mounted on them.

"Hey! Lesbians! I brought your children!" Raven's voice could be heard through the heaviest of thunderstorms. Clarke rolled her eyes at the unnecessary volume.

Amell was the first to enter, being his typical carefree self. He bounded in, knocking over a chair in his excitement and jumping at both of his mothers. His golden blonde locks shimmered in the sunlight coming from their window and grinned up with bold green eyes.

Next, was Cora, carries carefully by Raven herself. She was asleep, head rested peacefully on the mechanic's shoulder. Lexa was the first to her feet, gently sliding her arms around the younger child.

"I don't know how that happened... she literally fell asleep after I screamed my head off."

Clarke walked up beside Lexa, kissing the baby's forehead softly "She's a brave little girl. She's not scared of you" The blonde joked.

Lexa was in a daze, staring down at the face of her daughter. She could see much yet, since she was just a baby after all. But Lexa could sense something in her- a sense of strength and responsibility like something she'd never felt before. Cora was destined for something great. She could feel it in her bones.

"Mom can I go help Auntie Luna next week at Polis?" Amell's excited young voice interrupted Lexa's thoughts.

"It depends what she is doing there, Amell"

"She's... so... seee..." he pouted, trying to find the right word

"Sewing" Raven whispered, nudging her shoulder

"She's sewing blankets for people who don't have big nice houses yet!"

"What do you think, Lexa?" Clarke asked

"Please, nomon! Please! I promise I'll be good! I'll be good, I swear!"

"Yes, Amell. You can go." Lexa said, ruffling his hair with her free hand.

Amell had grown up adventurous and curious. Every single step he took was brand new and he couldn't get enough of it. He constantly questioned Lexa on their walks about the names of pretty flowers and brightly coloured birds.

There was a part of Amell that reminded her of Costia. His interests and excitement to learn more almost replicated; it was as if she was a piece of him. Lexa smiled down at her son, who returned the smile with a wide grin, revealing the gap in his teeth where he had lost his first tooth.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He exclaimed

"Shhh" Clarke shushed him as Cora stirred in Lexa's arms

"Oh right! Baby voices!" He whispered loudly

"Yes, baby voices, kid" the brunette whispered back to him

"It's close to her bedtime anyway. Should we just let her sleep?" Clarke whispered quietly, hand running up and down Lexa's back soothingly.

"That would be good. Would you like to put her to bed and I'll come say goodnight in a minute?" Lexa asked

"Of course" Clarke smiled, kissing Lexa softly on the cheek. She then gently took Cora into her own arms, smiling down at her daughter lovingly as she left to put her to bed.

"How is Polis going?" Lexa asked Raven as soon as Clarke had left.

"Lexa, you know Clarke wants you to focus on being here for the kids first. That's why Luna and I are in charge of the rebuild. Remember?"

"Yes but they're still my people. I'd like to know"

Raven heaved a loud sigh and threw herself onto the couch, tossing one arm up to rest along the back of the pillows.

"It's going okay. A lot of the rubble was removed, and we used what was salvageable to rebuild some of the original homes. Obviously, we've had to use other materials as most of it was broken. Since Skaikru has had input on the rebuild too, it does look slightly more modernised. Is that okay?"

"As long as they have a home that they are happy with, then it is more than okay, Raven" Lexa leant against the coffee table in the centre of the room.

"Half of your tower was still standing. We managed to rebuild some of the upper floors. And Luna found a few of your things"

"Like what?"

"Like this" The mechanic reached into her tattered red jacket, digging inside her pocket until she finally pulled out a book. The outer pages were still dusted in rubble, and there were a few dents in the leather cover from where it was damaged. Lexa was surprised it still even survived.

"Costia's notebook" Lexa whispered. She gently opened it, careful of the fragile pages. The different sketches of plants and animals across the pages still left her impressed. Each one she had chased after in the woods to find with Costia "Thank you"

"Luna thought you might want it."

"I do. Give her my thanks. And let her know id like to see her soon."

"I sure will, commander." Raven winked at the other girl before standing, fixing her jacket, and swinging open the door "Oh and if you need a baby sitter, ask Octavia. I'm a busy kind of girl"

Lexa rolled her eyes as the door closed, and started to quietly make her way upstairs to Cora.


	24. Final Epilogue

Clarke settles down at the edge of the cliff face, staring down at the new civilisation both herself and Lexa had built. Both adults and children alike smiled and laughed as they flooded the town streets and markets. People who were once homeless and miserable, now had homes and lives. The rubble from Lexa's once tall and commanding tower, was now the foundation of shelters and hospitals. A place that held so much war, transformed into a place of protection and safety. Lexa was okay with that.

  
"We did good, didn't we, Lex?"

"Considering our places so long ago, I agree that we did" Lexa smiled from beside her. Clarke turned towards her, taking in the presence of her wife. Lexa laughed slightly "what?"

"I'm so grateful to have you here with me" Clarke whispered through a bright smile

"And I am grateful to have met a beautiful girl such as yourself to change my ways"

"Oh stop with the old lady talk and give me a kiss" Clarke meant forward and pressed her lips to hers before she could say anymore.

"Hey, could you not? I feel sick" came the deepens voice of Amell.  
  


"Just because you are in your teens does not mean you cannot tolerate your parents loving one another" Lexa informed

"Watch me" he mumbled

"Go check on your sister for me. Make sure Raven hasn't accidentally lost her in the lake yet." Clarke said

"Fine" he grumbled wafting his newly found stick a the bushes as he walked

Clarke sighed, leaning over to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder. The brunette responded with a caring arm around her, and a kiss to the forehead. They both smiled, watching the busy streets of their newly built home.

"And you thought we'd never find peace"

Lexa scoffed "Where could we find peace in so much war? I believed it to be impossible"

"We found it in each other. The lives we lost on the way"

"I wish Jayden could have seen this. He and his siblings would have been so happy here." Lexa sighed

"He knows" Clarke smiled up at her "Somewhere, he knows"

"Did they find a family?" Lexa questioned, referring to the children left behind without Jayden's care.

"Yes. They did. The bakers, just down the street from the infirmary."

"Their bread is delicious"

Clarke laughed "I know, right? You better be watching those carbs with that bread though, wouldn't want you getting a big belly, with your age and all" She pokes Lexa's tummy in comedy.

The commander huffed, furrowing her brows "I may be older, but I am still a warrior. And my body will not grow large in laziness."

"Lexa... I was joking"

"I know" she grinned

"Are we done here now?" Clarke asked, running her hand up and down Lexa's back

"Yeah. I think we are" Lexa smiled

  
With that, they both took one last glance at their successes, and stood, turning and heading down the hill to find the rest of their family.

There were a few things that Clarke had never forgotten. Life works in mysterious ways. Even when all hope is lost, happiness will always find it's way to you, just as Lexa had. In the end, no matter who you are, you will always find peace. It is just the matter of waiting for it, and fighting for it, which is the hardest.

  
She took Lexa's hand and squeezed it tightly. She sighed happily as she glanced to the side at her.

 _Of course_ she thought _I couldn’t stop loving you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we are finally finished ladies and gents. That's the end of this series. Don't go anywhere though! There's going to be another story uploaded very soon! The first chapter is already written and ready to go!


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